August 27, 2004 again,

I went outside and that is where it began.  Out of habit, I went out to meet Nathan's bus at 1:10pm and sat in the glider in the sun to wait.  Not long after I sat down, I remembered that it is Friday and on Fridays, Nathan doesn't get home until about 2:45 or so.  He has a long day, Delena has a shortened day and they ride the same bus home.  It felt so nice to sit in the sun (we're having these truly amazing Autumn days lately) that I waited there for a bit and started praying. 

I've not felt like myself since I was sick a couple of week ago (around the time of the bee stings and I've still got marks from those little bastards) and to be honest, I miss me.  I pretty much keep a low grade and up headache and I'm tired all the time.  I can't seem to find my joy button and I'm pretty much going through the motions and can't feel my spirit around much.  I don't like living that way, even though I spent years in exactly that mode.  I am due to start my period tomorrow.  Oddly enough, even though Delena has been menstruating for many months now, we are exactly opposite.  She invariably starts at the New Moon and I start on the Full Moon.  We should be synchronized, but it didn't work out that way.  I find it nice and interesting. 

I'm using the period as a kind of purging and cleansing of all five levels of existence:  mental, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual.  I asked Eric to pick up some more of the Mexican glass 5 day candles I use for spellwork and his choices were unusual.  I didn't specify because for months I have always used the St Jude candle and a blue or purple candle (blue represents peace and tranquility - great for a house with kids - and purple represents the highest and best).  I figured he would get the ones I always use.  Instead, he got this one:

which is an odd one I've only used a couple of times in the past several years and, in fact Albertsons seldom carries.  He also got a yellow one that has a white dove soaring in sunlight.

He also got the requisite St Jude candle.  Interesting choices (this was just last night).  Today, after I prayed, I was moved to use the "Powerful Hand" prayer to reset, revitalize and restore the five levels of existence for me in five days' time.  The yellow candle with the white dove I am using to lift my spirit and make it soar again... to give it wings.

I'm using "Ultimate Cleanse" by Nature's Secret to clean myself out of toxins and body crap.  It's a wonderful system that I've used before and it works great provided you drink enough water with it.  I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow to buy lots and lots of healthy foods, with a focus on protein and antioxidants.  In the past few days, I started drinking more sodas, even some diet ones, again and I think that is contributing to my generally unhealthy feelings, so I'm going to dump those and find other things to drink instead, including the water. 

I'm going to find my my happy thoughts and dance under the moon and find my bliss again!  I'm giving myself the weekend to regroup and I am quite certain that I am going to be in a much better place on Monday or Tuesday when I get to write again.  That will give the candles plenty of time to take hold and the Full Moon to bring fruition to things I started at New Moon. 

For me, finding that bliss requires a clean house, good diet, good sleep and some peaceful moments... and shopping.  Lots of shopping.

Go on, Numfar... do the Dance of Joy, my friend:

Atta boy!  And lets give my little Joe Boxer baby a work out too:

Bring on the Happy Frogs:

Who knows?  Maybe I'll finally grab that bike!

As Queen said, "Get on your bikes and RIDE!!"

With backup like that, how can life be bummy?


Much love again,