July 11, 2003
Gawd, someone save me.
Never thought I'd think that again. This has been
the week from Hell.
Eric is moody and defensive and bitch and wound up
tighter than an 8 day clock because the business isn't making money and we're
going down the hill fast. They're set up for really, really good things,
so it's just the now that's hard.
They've had a lot of really good breaks on things like
their workman's compensation insurance and liability insurance, but it's taking
a while to get profitable work. He's just a mess and I try to keep him
uplifted but if I ask ANY questions about when they're doing this or what's
going on with that, he gets nutty on me. After yesterday, I've decided to
just not ask any more.
So far, all of our known resources are exhausted
(exhausted, try "dead"), but I am hopeful that there are unseen miracles hanging
just around the corner. We are not as devastated at this point in the
layoff as we were at this point of the last layoff and harvest begins August 1,
so I'm just going to presume that we only have to hold on until then.
Right now, lights are on. Right now, we have a few groceries. Right now,
my phone works. Beyond that, I refuse to worry about it.
I'm finally feeling better, but even up til yesterday,
I was dead in the bed. Eric was great about taking care of kids and house
when he could be here. Now, I just have to clean carpets and do some
general straightening. My online medical consultant, Mary, suggested a
cough medicine called "Delsym" and my friend, Leslie, said that Ibuprofen would
be better than Tylenol for the muscle and chest pain, so I switched to that and
feel much better. I'm still coughing up lots of stuff, but it's much
better. One thing I did learn about the Delsym is that it's a 12 hour
medication and they aren't kidding. I tried to fudge and take some before
I went to bed when it had only been 8 hours and within 15 minutes, I was
speeding like crazy and couldn't get to sleep for 2-3 hours. It's GREAT
stuff though and seems to disconnect the cough impulse, which worked for me
because my lungs really needed to rest for a bit. Usually, I tend to let
illness do its things, with fevers burning off the illness and coughs bringing
up the junk, but this whole thing just felt really out of hand. I'm really
glad to feel better now. I'm not 100%, but I'm much, much better.
It seems like this week really flushed out the assholes
and in 2-3 different directions, I've had to deal with people who had some rage
and abuse issues (not in my home, just to clarify, but online) and with the
illness and our current financial situation, I just wasn't prepared to be
involved with something like that. I just feel beaten to shit on all
levels. Eric and I have been doing a lot of meditation and affirmation
work, which has really helped. I hate to think about where we'd be without
Anyway, I'm off to try and clean house and rest a bit
I hope your day goes better than mine has started off!
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