June 17, 2004

The past two days have been a mess of drama and regrouping.  I know now why I was getting the "power surges" and what the big thing was that was going down. 

Eric called his partner night before last to find out what time they were meeting to go finish up the model homes, his partner, Mike, informed him that the other sort of partner, Dan, refused to work with Eric!

A bit of history here.  The guys started the company, DSI (Diversified Systems Integration) together as equal partners just over a year ago.  I told Mike and Eric waaaay back then that I had a bad feeling about this guy, Dan, and they needed to get rid of him while they still could.  There were LOTS of instances where he directly lied to them, stole things, etc and still they were bound by this loyalty crap about him being a partner.  Men, I swear.

They started making contacts and setting things up and Dan went out and got a full time job on the sly and didn't bother telling the other two for quite a while.  He just wasn't available to them.  Now, they weren't making much money, so it's no problem that he got a job, just that he was duplicitous about it.  After they found out what was actually going on, he pretty much told them "call me when you're making some real money." 

Eric and Mike went on to do a number of small jobs here and there, filling in some of the budget cracks for the better part of the year.  In April, they finally were able to start working on the housing projects where they stood to at least make a decent living (once it got rolling) and what did they do?  Called Dan.  >:<  NO one listens to me, I swear.  They were pretty sure they needed him to help do the work.  He agreed to come back on his off duty time, so he still has a full time job even now.  Mike and Eric have been dedicated to the business from the beginning and haven't had any other jobs.  They've been busy making contacts, setting up contracts, having meetings with contractors, etc.

So the situation came up that I told you about a couple of weeks ago where one of their friends, who had in fact lent them some seed money for materials when they first started, needed a person to go through 2 weeks of training.  It was decided by the three of them that Eric should go.

He went.  At the end of the training, he was offered to continue the job full time and after conferring with Mike to make sure the houses were ready to go and to pay out soon, he declined the job offer.

That was last Friday, what, 6 days ago?

Then on Tuesday night, he called and was told not to come to work the next day because Dan refuse to work with him.  WTF?  I know exactly what is going on and that is that since the real money is in the works and close at hand, Dan is wanting to make a 1/2 share rather than a 1/3 share.  Since the three of them work under Mike's contractor's license, he has to stay.  Eric has to be the one to go in Dan's master plan.  He let Eric stay in place and do the grunge work, then when it was time to make the money, he moved in for the kill.

I wasn't surprised that Dan made his move, but more surprised that Mike didn't tell him to hit the road.  Mike is a really good guy and is working hard to "be fair to everyone" without realizing that fair has nothing to do with this.  It's about loyalty to Eric, who has been with him all the way, through the hard times as well as the upcoming good times.

But poor Mike is a Gemini and lord help'em, Gemini's can't burn bridges to save their very souls.  So Mike told Eric he could continue on with the commercial work (which would not likely make any more money than he has all along, which has barely been enough to get by) and let Dan do the residential work (big money).  Of course, that wouldn't work so Eric talked to me about it, asking what he should do since it seems like his choices have been limited.  Because they are not yet incorporated, the partnership is unofficial and since he holds the license, Mike is boss on paper. 

They had a big three way phone conference and Eric confronted Dan on why he couldn't come to him with any problems he had, what problems DID he have and why was he doing this?  Dan refused to answer anything (because he didn't HAVE any answers other than greed) and just kept saying, "I said I wouldn't work with you and I stand by it."  He could offer absolutely no justification for it at all.

Pretty much, it comes down to Eric's honor (continuing to work with a partner - or two actually - who basically betrayed him) or our financial means.  I felt like a deer caught in headlights.  Honor and dignity are very big things for Eric and for me as well, but do you really cut off your nose to spite your face?  With a brand new mortgage looming?

Eric told Mike that if he (Eric) isn't involved with the residential projects, then he won't be doing business with them at all.  I knew that's what he needed to say and he just wanted my blessing to say it.  But hey, this marriage is a partnership and these leaps of faith are becoming old hat.  What's one more?

Eric and I slept very little Tuesday night and on Wednesday morning, Mike called and suggested that they split the two housing projects between Eric and Dan.  That was OK for Eric, so I guess that's what they're doing.  I know this little weasel, Dan, is bound to make another move to get rid of Eric.  He's just not to be trusted and has it out for Eric in a big way.  For the meantime, we should (eventually) still have income, but damn, I'm getting old for these heart attacks and knowing another one is always going to be pending sucks.

I just wish Mike would be a man and tell this guy that Eric has been his partner all along and if he doesn't like it, he can get bent.

Security has such a lovely sound to it, but I have no idea what it's like.

Eric is down the hill talking to Mike now and has been gone for hours, so no telling what they're up to.  Hmm.  That means I should call him, bwahahaha.

And that phone call revealed that everything is still as it is.  I was so hoping that once Mike got Eric alone, he'd redeem himself somehow.  They've been practically brothers all the way through this and I'm so very disappointed in him as a person.  He has just hit my "total idiot" list.

Now that I've bored you with THAT story, let me just say that trying to deal with and recover from THAT scare has been a full time job.  Eric and I mostly healed yesterday, rested and talked about things.  I'm so very tired of being breathless with one problem after another.  Sure, I can trust the process and celebrate the miracles as they come, but dammit, I want to NOT have to put on a brave face and ward off the worry and keep Eric's spirits up and juggle bills like mad according to who is being the most threatening and the loudest.  I want to be able to write checks for bills before the due date, buy underwear when I need it and stop thinking of fabric softener as a luxury.  When the electricity goes out in the middle of a wind storm, I want to NOT default to the idea that it's because the bill is so late being paid. 

I'm just weary as hell from years of financial disaster being the rule rather than the exception.  When all this was going to, I told Eric to take out a huge life insurance policy on me so he could be rich and I could just rest and not have to go through this any more.  After years of being married to an enlisted Air Force man (and for those who don't know, most of those folks live below the poverty level), then being a single parent of 3 children and later of 4 children and now of the ups and downs that have followed since Eric (my second AF guy) left the military, I'm just tired in my bones. 

This year at Spring Equinox, I planted financial abundance and prosperity as well as healthy weight loss.  We actually plant, putting a bean for each goal into a little pot of soil.  One of my beans died  :(  and the other two are doing OK.  Since I have stalled out on my weight loss, I think I know which bean is dead.  Three little beans, all with my hopes for the year imbedded in them.  Harvest is from August 1st through October 31st, which leaves a huge window for it to come about.  It's not here yet.  Summer Solstice is this weekend and that is the point in the process where you can see the crops in the field, metaphorically speaking, and although they won't usually feed you yet, but you know it's coming.  I'll be watching for the signs that it's on its way.  I have to hope that Eric pulls a giant boulder of gold out of the river or something.

<-----rock

There is a scene in the wonderful movie "Pale Rider" where Hull Barrett (Michael Moriarty) tells "Preacher" (Clint Eastwood) that he's always had a feeling that the huge rock in the river is covering a ton of gold if only he could break it apart.  He'd been working to break it forever, but never could get it to give.  The two men start going at it with sledge hammers, the rock breaks and Hull is rich when a huge hunk of gold is revealed.

I figure Eric just has to find the right rock.  :)  He's made friends with a guy who has a great deal of professional equipment, like a trommel and a dredge.  Pfft.  Who knows?  I'm open to the possibilities.

One scary part was that when all this was going on with Eric's job or notjob or however it was going to go is that for a couple of days, my trip to LA was in jeopardy.  How could I possibly justify that expense if Eric was without income?  For now, I guess I'm safe, but I know that the whole situation is just completely instable.  I also know (after the past 2 days especially) that I've been looking forward to it way too much.  I had a really hard time being wise and generous and noble when it came under threat.

Last night, after healing and resting for the day (Eric even stayed up late and cleaned the kitchen AFTER he grilled dinner), I thought a lot about what I wanted to change in my life and spent some meditative time trying to figure out exactly how I want my life to be.  It was nice to be out in the circle area in the dark with the torches lit and the stars everywhere.  The night was really clear and crisp.  Eric came out and joined me after a while.  It was nice, but I need to do more work. Right now, I just feel tired and wounded, but I do trust that all will be well.  :) 

The world just has to turn a few more times for it all to work out.

I was going to write today about the differences in whores and sluts and hos and empowered women, but it just isn't coming together today.  I definitely didn't intend to spend the whole column whining about what other people are doing.  I guess that's just what was in there that needed to come out. 

Maybe we'll explore the whores tomorrow.

Tomorrow is another day and the whores will still be there.  :)~

Have a wonderful night.

Love,
Katrina

PS:  Just reread some of the work of The Psychic Monkey, one of Joe's characters.  That always makes me smile.  :)

This work is entitled "Winter Queen" ŠAmy Brown all rights reserved, by clicking on the above you will be taken to Amy Brown's website where you can purchase prints of this painting, as well as browse through her other works.