July 12, 2003

Greetings.  I wanted to be sure and check in today to let everyone know that I am feeling much, much better today.  I still have a fairly wet cough in my chest, but the worst of it seems to have past and I'm getting back to full energy level again, which is the most important thing.

The kids were blessedly well behaved during the WEEK I was sick (I don't think I took a week off after having my babies!) and so I'm counting that as a big time blessing (and miracle). 

I really do appreciate all of the letters and well wishes my friends sent while I was ill.  It means a lot to me.

Today, I'm going to try and do the housecleaning that didn't get done over the week and catch up on some laundry.  It's a beautiful day today here in CA and Eric is sleeping away like a baby.  I don't look for him to be up for another 2-3 hours.  Poor baby is having a hard time with the stress of all that's going on.  Last night, he said, "I don't know what's going on with me.  I've got this tension in my back and shoulders, I'm getting a headache and I'm having a hell of a time sleeping.  It's like this current is running through me and I DON'T like it."  I told him that what he's describing is what I feel when I'm running a lot of energy when something big is getting ready to happen... could that be it?  He said no, that he knew what that felt like and it wasn't that type of thing.  It was unpleasant and almost painful and didn't carry with it any of the anticipation or excitement that he usually feels in those circumstances.  I was at a loss, then he said, "Is this what stress feels like?"  I looked at him and blinked.  "Yep, that could be it."  I guess sometimes the simplest answer is likely the most obvious correct answer. 

Today is our Full Moon celebration and it will feel good to get under the moon with some good drumming, do a little dancing around the fire and relax with my Witchy Sisters.  Carefree will be good.

Nothing much else is going on.  I've been focused on trying to heal and to keep Eric off of the ledge, so to speak.  I've had to hide all of the weapons and sharp objects from him and he eats now with a cork on the end of his fork to protect himself from self-destructive patterns.  We're both just praying this is over soon.

Dammit.  Some lowlife drank the last 1/4 cup of Diet Coke I had rationed back for myself.  I'm looking at an empty 2 liter bottle in my trash and no one in my kitchen.  >:<  Eric was up late last night.  I think I should likely go pound on his head while he sleeps.  May I not even hoard shit from my family without being thwarted???  Selfish men.  Sheesh.

I dreamed last night that I went to my garage and someone had cleaned it.  Everything was in new, contents marked boxes, neatly stacked and arranged.  There was a huge space in the middle of the garage where you could see the floor.  It was wonderful.  I haven't enjoyed a dream so much since my sex dream about the Kratt brothers. 

I am just not a drinker, normally only having 1- 2 drinks in a year, but lately, I've been feeling the urge to just totally tie one on.  I haven't been tipsy since Georgia, Jennifer and I went to see Brett Butler a long while back and I got halfway through a strawberry margarita at El Torito's (before the show even started) and found I was nigh on shitfaced.  The subsequent experience with Georgia (who trapped me in the El Torito bathroom stall and made noises like a crazy Mexican woman who's lost her dog, which doesn't sound intimidating normally, but try it when you're in a bathroom stall, six sheets in the wind with your panties around your ankles) was so traumatizing that I haven't been able to face a drink since.  Lord knows I can't afford alcohol right now, but it's on the "to do" list for when we have money.  When I was sick, Sage made me drink a shot of Captain Morgan's and although I gagged, I did get some good sleep.

I hope all of you have a wonderful, nay, STELLAR weekend!  I'm working low key (I hope), but from the sounds of things, some kid taping-to-the-wall might be in order.  I think Nathan is making up for his week of enforced goodness.

Take care!



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