May 6, 2004
Headaches suck. I think this one
is a stress thing. I've certainly
been getting enough sleep now that I
have regrouped from the sleep lost
working on the computer worm.
This morning was just atrocious.
They've been tough for about a week now.
Delena has decided that she hates this
school as well (read: Delena just
hates school). Seeing the work
she's doing, I know home-schooling isn't
an option for us. My education on
the things she's doing is over 30 years
old and a lot of the stuff she's
learning, I didn't even learn back then.
I know what it's like to hate school and
I really feel for her, but damn.
Today, she was just dragging and
dragging and dragging and the kids'
actual leaving was such a mess. I
was cramming Delena's Dramamine at her,
she was sure she vomiting was already
imminent (before she even got on the
bus), she couldn't/wouldn't find a
hairbrush. It was 20 seconds
before the bus was due. I ran
upstairs and threw her one from the
balcony. I didn't even get to kiss
her or Dylan goodbye because of all of
the last minute running around.
Nathan started SHRIEKING because he
didn't get hugs from them. Dylan
turned around to come back. I was
yelling from the balcony, "No, Dylan, go
get on the bus!!" He was all
confused and torn. Finally, he was
on the bus and they were pulling away.
Eric is in a class all day today and so
I had no car to take them to school if
they missed the bus. I was in
tears. Nathan was hysterical.
The kids were all sad and frustrated and
being pushed so hard. It was a
terrible time. I know we can do
this differently. For some reason,
I was just unseated today.
Tomorrow, or starting tonight, I'll
organize us better, talk to Delena about
the inevitability of school, about the
upcoming summer vacation (they are out
the end of May) and about how much her
approach to leaving for school affects
the people around her. It's so, so
hard to be a kid in school. Couple
that with Delena being a child who is
dead set on being unhappy and it's not a
good mix. If you bring Delena an
ice cream sundae on a silver tray,
she'll complain that the sundae has no
nuts and the tray isn't gold. I
adore her, don't get me wrong, but
nothing is every good enough and there
is ALWAYS something to bitch about, no
matter how wonderful everything is.
I so wish I could Dr Phil her.
We finally go the info on our house.
We have the signing tomorrow at 3pm and
have to bring $1500 with us (rather than
the previously purported $3600; they cut
it down, plus we've already paid in a
thousand). That is quite a relief.
We have put together a bit of it and
Eric's parents loaned us the rest.
We are indebted to them in more ways
than one. Eric and his partner
were invited to bid on 5 more housing
projects by the company with which they
are currently contracted. Those
wouldn't start until late summer, early
fall. They were awarded a state
job that will happen in late September.
He will have to be away from home for
3-4 days for that one, but they will be
paid well. The company that they
are contracted with who failed to pay
him last month as agreed, have vowed
that he will be paid on the 25th of this
month and once that happens, we should
be "safe." I don't think I've felt
that way since he left the military in
2000. We should get a month or two
after the signing where we don't have a
mortgage payment due and that should
give us a chance to get late bills
caught up, the car registered and life
on an even keel.
I have never had much money in my life.
My family was extremely poor when I was
growing up. Paul and I were an
enlisted Air Force family and although
housing and utilities are provided, the
pay isn't much. Most Air
Force families easily qualify for food
stamps. When I married Eric, he was
several ranks lower than Paul had been,
so I was pretty much going back to where
I'd been before financially. In
between, I was a single mom with 3-4
kids and not even barely making it.
Eric and I have always had a surplus of
love and a deficit of funds. At
one time, we had all six kids at home on
an airman's pay (around $25,000 a year).
We made it, but it was stressful.
When Eric left the military in 2000, the
telecommunications field was thriving
and he was offered a job (before he left
the military) with MCI Worldcom for
$60,000 a year. That was more
money than we could imagine! We
found a wonderful house (the one that
was just sold) and settled into what we
thought was going to finally be a
relaxed and prosperous life. We
started working toward catching up the
chronically late bills. We bought
a car we loved. Three months
later, everything crumbled. The
dotcom companies in the Bay Area
suddenly all went bankrupt at once.
A whole lot of them had accounts with
MCI Worldcom and as a result, MCI
Worldcom went bankrupt.
Immediately, the layoffs began and since
Eric was a newcomer, he was a first
leaver. Because all of the telecom
industry was affected, it went into a
nosedive and even though he was
wonderfully credentialed, he had
trouble finding work. When he
found work, it was only for a few months
at a time, then he'd get the call again.
His last job was another one that we
thought would be permanent and despite
all assurances, that job went under as
well. He was laid off for the last
time the first part of last June (can
you believe it's been that long??) and
we've filled in the blanks with money
he's made from small jobs done with his
partner, plus what little he gets from
unemployment insurance. I've taken
small jobs here and there doing web
design for people or cleaning houses.
I've scrubbed dried maggots off of an
old refrigerator for minimum wage
before. (Literally) I can't
believe we've actually made it so far.
We've faced eviction notices twice.
We've wondered often where we were going
to get the money to keep the lights and
heat on and the phone going. It's
invariably showed up in one way or
I can't imagine what it will be like to
not have to sweat out every single
month. I hope that's what's
coming. I dare to hope again,
chasing that carrot that's out in front
of us now. We planted prosperity
and abundance this year and owning our
own home is a good bit of that.
Eric's business seems to be taking off
and with any luck, we'll have steady
income after the payment on the 25th.
i am trusting that regardless, all will
Today, I have to clean the house from
top to bottom. It's not in bad
shape. This house requires a lot
more ongoing maintenance than the other
one did to keep it looking good, so
doing a major clean isn't as bad as it
would be without that. Joe and
Sandra left this morning for the states.
They're likely on the ferry between
Victoria and Seattle right now. We
are all so very excited. They're
driving and will stop in Eugene, Oregon
tonight, then in Redding, California
tomorrow night. We'll see them
just after lunchtime on Saturday.
They'll leave out again on Tuesday for
LA to spend a few days at Disneyland,
then stop back for 2-3 days just over a
week later, then on back to Victoria
again. It will be so great to see
David and Josh both have birthdays
next week. David will be 24 on the
11th and Josh will be 22 on the 16th.
My sweet little Taurus boys. :)
OH, funny stuff!!
It's a long load time, but very well
worth it! Must have speakers!
Doing laundry, cleaning out my desk,
setting up the printer and scanner that
haven't been hooked up since the move,
cleaning kids' rooms and scrubbing the
bathroom are my joybugs for the day.
I want to write a soap column, so if I
can get jamming fast and get everything
done, I might be able to hit the
With all that's going on in the next few
days, I won't likely be back to post
again until Tuesday. I hope you
have a brilliant spring weekend and that
joy and happiness are your constant
companions. I wish you so much:
prosperity, joy, love, friendship and
incredible health. We spend these
few minutes together when you read what
has happened in my week or my day and it
feels like we're talking over drinks,
laughing and sharing. It's been a
long time since I started writing
nonsoapies. I don't know what I'd
do without it now. Do take care.
PS: Have you heard about the new
male enhancement drug called "Levitra?"
For side effects, the commercial says,
"In the rare event that an erection last
longer than 4 hours, see a doctor."