April 6, 2004

Yep, that's me, following the ol' Rainbow of Promise.  I just cannot seem to get my shit together today no matter how much I try to focus.  Here it is 1pm and I've accomplished nearly nothing and can remember almost none of the morning.  Worked on the site a bit and updated some pages that were in a pretty sad state of outdated.  Found another game like the Crimson Room game from before, compliments of Ves: 

Played around with it for about 20 minutes and decided I was in absolutely no state of mind for such things and put it off for later.  http://www.albartus.com/motas/

I'm really scattered and fragmented.  My period started a week early, much to my surprise.  I'm usually like clockwork.  I suspect it's from the usually high amount of physical activity I've had in the past week.  I'm still not unpacked and set up.  It in and of itself seems like a rainbow that I keep chasing and finding it getting further and further away.  I can't find my digital camera. I can't find the can biter for my electric can opener.  I can't find the heating pad for Delena, who also has cramps and needs it.

Thank God the kids are being so good.  What a blessing.

I'm finally sleeping again, but that too feels like an endless game of catch up until I'm back to normal again.

I called around and found a place  that will rent us a truck and a hitch to bring the vehicles up here for $165.  That's a good thing.

Even with our vehicles still in the driveway, someone came into our yard at the old house and stole my Buddha statue, a cast iron stick with a yellow glass ball made into it and the calla lilies Eric had  potted to take to the new house.  What a pisser.  They even ripped up the rosemary I'd potted for the transport, stole the planter and left the rosemary on the ground.  I'm glad Eric took my outside fountain before the raid.  I feel very violated.  The house is filled with flyers and business cards for realtors, so I guess it's been shown a lot since we moved out.  Evidently, my "warding off" spell work held out until we moved, then they converged.  My friend, Sherry, suggested it was likely the real estate agents who had taken the stolen items.  I wouldn't be surprised.  Eric is going to try and find more calla lilies for me today when he makes his last trip to the house.  The whole thing has left me feeling really out of sorts. 

I'm in this wonderful place in this wonderful house and I can't lose the feeling that I want to go to bed and cry for about a week.  It should be fun setting up house here, but after a week, it has just turned into endless days of work and more work.  I feel like my spirit is getting crushed out of me and I'm doing everything by automation.   I wish I could go to sleep and have the moving fairies come and arrange everything nicely, go through the boxes, find missing essentials and shitcan the rest.  It feels like forever since I had any fun.  Eric's gone all the time, between work and dealing with the other house and fallout from the move.  He's been such a trouper in this and had seriously taken on a huge amount of the work for himself.  He's so motivated and energized and I feel like a slug.  As I said before, I really don't thrive in chaos and it just bleeds the life out of me.  I keep thinking I see the end of the tunnel, then a ton more to do shows up.

I know there is no way out of this except to sigh heavily and get up and get busy and just don't stop until it's done.  I wish Carolyn were here to give me pep talks. 

I did find out that there's no DirecTV up here where I live (is there ANYthing up here where I live?) but that  I can get Dish Network.  Figures since I scorned them for dumping Nickelodeon.   At least I'll have TV again, including SoapNet and a bunch of movie channels.  Sherry says if I get it installed this week (they said 2 days), I can catch up on the soaps on the weekend and at least know what I'm writing about. 

In a fit of feeling nonproductive in the face of days and days of work, I whipped out the clippers night before last and trimmed the boys' hair.  I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I was doing, but realized too late into it that I was completely out of my element, so now they have lovely little buzz cuts.  They swear they like them.  Thank the lord they are good looking kids because I can see their whole heads and faces now. 

Ahhhh.  Playing bluegrass music from "Down From the Mountain."  Maybe feeling better... tentatively.

God, I'm so sick of this spam in my inbox.  Hundreds of e-mails for generic Viagra and mortgages and medications.  Someone wrote to tell me that I googled at #18 for a search of "boy erection" and could we swap links?  I feel so much  more complete knowing I'm in the top 20 for such a prestigious search.  I don't even want to think about why someone was googling that particular word combination.  *shuddder*  My day is complete.

I have guests coming tomorrow and want the house to look nice.  I want clothes in my dresser and closet and not all over my couch and loveseat.  I want to be myself again.  I want my dishes done.  I want my digital camera.  I want enough money to pay the EOS expenses tomorrow.  I want the kids' carpet cleaned.  I want a nap.  I want a massage.  I want to have fun.  I want to get dressed up and go out on the town.  I want to not puke when I drive away from my house.  I want a hot tub.  I want my pigs unpacked and dammit, I WANT MY CALLAS BACK!!  What a travesty.


I appears I am going to get none of what I want by sitting here with a glazed over expression and my jaw all sagging and slacky.  Guess I'll give it another try.

Have a great week, folks,