Yep, that's me, following
the ol' Rainbow of Promise. I just cannot seem to
get my shit together today no matter how much I try to
focus. Here it is 1pm and I've accomplished nearly
nothing and can remember almost none of the morning.
Worked on the site a bit and updated some pages that
were in a pretty sad state of outdated. Found
another game like the Crimson Room game from before,
compliments of Ves:
around with it for about 20 minutes and decided I was in
absolutely no state of mind for such things and put it
off for later.
I'm really scattered
and fragmented. My period started a week early,
much to my surprise. I'm usually like clockwork.
I suspect it's from the usually high amount of physical
activity I've had in the past week. I'm still not
unpacked and set up. It in and of itself seems
like a rainbow that I keep chasing and finding it
getting further and further away. I can't find my
digital camera. I can't find the can biter for my
electric can opener. I can't find the heating pad
for Delena, who also has cramps and needs it.
Thank God the kids
are being so good. What a blessing.
I'm finally sleeping
again, but that too feels like an endless game of catch
up until I'm back to normal again.
I called around and
found a place that will rent us a truck and a
hitch to bring the vehicles up here for $165.
That's a good thing.
Even with our
vehicles still in the driveway, someone came into our
yard at the old house and stole my Buddha statue, a cast
iron stick with a yellow glass ball made into it and the
calla lilies Eric had potted to take to the new
house. What a pisser. They even ripped up
the rosemary I'd potted for the transport, stole the
planter and left the rosemary on the ground. I'm
glad Eric took my outside fountain before the raid.
I feel very violated. The house is filled with
flyers and business cards for realtors, so I guess it's
been shown a lot since we moved out. Evidently, my
"warding off" spell work held out until we moved, then
they converged. My friend, Sherry, suggested it
was likely the real estate agents who had taken the
stolen items. I wouldn't be surprised. Eric
is going to try and find more calla lilies for me today
when he makes his last trip to the house. The
whole thing has left me feeling really out of sorts.
I'm in this wonderful
place in this wonderful house and I can't lose the
feeling that I want to go to bed and cry for about a
week. It should be fun setting up house here, but
after a week, it has just turned into endless days of
work and more work. I feel like my spirit is
getting crushed out of me and I'm doing everything by
automation. I wish I could go to sleep and
have the moving fairies come and arrange everything
nicely, go through the boxes, find missing essentials
and shitcan the rest. It feels like forever since
I had any fun. Eric's gone all the time, between
work and dealing with the other house and fallout from
the move. He's been such a trouper in this and had
seriously taken on a huge amount of the work for
himself. He's so motivated and energized and I
feel like a slug. As I said before, I really don't
thrive in chaos and it just bleeds the life out of me.
I keep thinking I see the end of the tunnel, then a ton
more to do shows up.
I know there is no
way out of this except to sigh heavily and get up and
get busy and just don't stop until it's done. I
wish Carolyn were here to give me pep talks.
I did find out that
there's no DirecTV up here where I live (is there
ANYthing up here where I live?) but that I can get
Dish Network. Figures since I scorned them for
dumping Nickelodeon. At least I'll have TV
again, including SoapNet and a bunch of movie channels.
Sherry says if I get it installed this week (they said 2
days), I can catch up on the soaps on the weekend and at
least know what I'm writing about.
In a fit of feeling
nonproductive in the face of days and days of work, I
whipped out the clippers night before last and trimmed
the boys' hair. I thought I had a pretty good idea
of what I was doing, but realized too late into it that
I was completely out of my element, so now they have
lovely little buzz cuts. They swear they like
them. Thank the lord they are good looking kids
because I can see their whole heads and faces now.
bluegrass music from "Down From the Mountain."
Maybe feeling better... tentatively.
God, I'm so sick of
this spam in my inbox. Hundreds of e-mails for
generic Viagra and mortgages and medications.
Someone wrote to tell me that I googled at #18 for a
search of "boy erection" and could we swap links?
I feel so much more complete knowing I'm in the
top 20 for such a prestigious search. I don't even
want to think about why someone was googling that
particular word combination. *shuddder* My
day is complete.
I have guests coming
tomorrow and want the house to look nice. I want
clothes in my dresser and closet and not all over my
couch and loveseat. I want to be myself again.
I want my dishes done. I want my digital camera.
I want enough money to pay the EOS expenses tomorrow.
I want the kids' carpet cleaned. I want a nap.
I want a massage. I want to have fun. I want
to get dressed up and go out on the town. I want
to not puke when I drive away from my house. I
want a hot tub. I want my pigs unpacked and dammit,
I WANT MY CALLAS BACK!! What a travesty.
I appears I am going
to get none of what I want by sitting here with a glazed
over expression and my jaw all sagging and slacky.
Guess I'll give it another try.
a great week, folks,