March 16, 2004
I'm counting the small things.
A very favorite webset site that
was giving me a "page not found"
in German popped up again when I
tweaked the link a bit. I'm
glad for that. Nathan was an
angel boy today. I'm glad
for that. My friend Jen is
coming over for a bit. I'm glad
for that. Eric thinks a
couple of people who owe the
company money might pay this week.
I'm glad for that. Almost
the last of the mortgage paperwork
went out today. We have one
more letter (from the VA) that has
to be sent out as soon as we get
it. It's getting so close to
the line that I feel like I'm
going to jump out of my skin.
I can't remember the last time I
felt so worked up about something,
even when we were losing our house
a year and a half ago. Then
everything was so scary that this
was just one more thing.
Now, it's a matter of waiting and
waiting and waiting while things
take their course and determine
the outcome (at least for the
immediate future) of our life.
So much depends on this and what
is so hard is that every day it
seems as though another issue goes
onto the heap that is dependent
upon whether or not this loan goes
through. My broker has been
so reassuring and is such an
awesome person. I know if it
can be done, she'll help us do it.
I know all of the good words about
how if this doesn't work out,
something better will be coming
soon. I know it and I
believe it. I also know and
believe that I am tired and
this insecurity is eating my soul.
I just want to get parked
somewhere and rest for a good long
I have a slew of about 15-20
realtors coming through on a
"tour" tomorrow to go through my
house. I pray they're fast
and I can be done with it.
There's no time when they are
coming, just "sometime Wednesday."
The "floor guy" is also coming to
determined what will be done with
the floors. With any luck,
they can wait until I'm moved out
to get that going. I'm not
eager to be inconvenienced any
more than I already am. With
any luck, I'll be out of here in a
couple of weeks and starting my
process of settling into my new
home. Then they can have at
it with this house. For that
interim time, I just want to be
left alone. I know that's a
lot to ask when the guy really
wants to sell his house, but they
haven't seen us as anything other
than a major inconvenience that
has to be handled with the least
amount of courtesy that the law
allows. That doesn't exactly
inspire a great deal of
cooperation in me.
Tonight, Eric and I will be busy
directing energy to a positive
outcome and trying to soothe our
frayed nerves a bit. I'm not
sure how we're going to do it, but
we've got to find a way or we're
both going to implode.
(Exploding is too messy).
I've found it really hard to write
lately. I stared at a soap
column for about an hour today,
putzed around with some stupid
banter that isn't really printable
for it and then saved it until
later. I just don't have the
spirit or else my muse is dead or
I'm sure it'll come back.
For now, I need to go start dinner
and get the house clean for the
mighty realtor hoard coming
tomorrow. LOW energy, low
motivation... not quite low
spirits, but getting there.
Just feeling like I need to sleep
for a couple of weeks. = )
Oh for a hot tub, drinks and