Updated at 1pm

March 1, 2004

Today, my life will change in several ways, some minor and some profound.  Eric just left to take the kids to school... all of the kids.  An era is over.  My last child has joined the ranks.  The time came sooner than I expected, thanks to a pilot program in our school district that is gauging the viability of a funded preschool program.  Nathan was the first to sign up and now the class is a full 24 little souls packed.  Eric wanted to take Nathan on his own, thinking Nathan would have less separation anxiety if I wasn't there.  Nathan has been very eager for this and was up promptly at 5:30 to get ready to go.  I'm at peace with it, a lot more than I expected to be.  Mostly, I think that's because of how he has begged for months to go to school and how happy he is. I hope it's all he wants it to be and doesn't throw him for a loop if it conflicts with the imagine he has in his head of what it's going to be like.

For me, it opens the door of my first time ever in my life to have totally free time.  From 7:50 - 10:50 every week day I have three hours with no children.  With the older kids, when they started school, I was working full time, so it didn't really have much of an impact as far as my time went.  I was away regardless.  Now, as a stay at home mom, I'm really feeling it for the first time.  I don't have crazy empty nest syndrome or anything; just a little wan smile at the passage of time and the way our lives move on whether we're paying attention or not.  It just unfolds with or without our help.  Goddess bless, ya, Little Nathan.  Use your powers for good instead of evil.

Today also begins my first day of aggressively working out and Nazi-ish watching what I eat.  I've been experimenting with different ideas and processes for a couple of months now and lost 14 pounds in the process.  I am excited about what can happen if I'm really being serious about it.  I have my resistance tubes, thanks to Sage and his friend who recommended them.  I have an exercise ball on the way thanks to a great deal on e-bay.  I have my eggs, cube steak and pinto beans, as well as a good stock of salad stuff and bottled water.  I'm all set.  :)

AT 11:30, Jenny Amador, wrecker of homes and destroyer of dreams, (actually just the real estate agent for our landlord) will be on my doorstep to inspect the house before putting it on the market.  We are absolutely determined to find a way to buy it ourselves, but if it can't happen, we'll do our best to understand and continue on with the flow.  I know Eric will be crushed.  Our friend is working hard to get a mortgage set up for us, so we're putting a lot of faith in her and in that and hoping for the best.  While we were working on the house this weekend, we were able to see lots of ways we could upgrade the house and make it even more wonderful than it is.  I really don't want to see those dreams and ideas die.  Nathan has *just* gotten into school and is so happy.  I'd hate to move away and have to take that from him.  The kids are settled into their school years and we just go the wood floors all nice.  All that work shouldn't have to be for nothing.  We really love this house and we're... hopeful.  Frantically, peacefully, urgently hopeful.

Speaking of which, I still have a few things to do to get ready.  We didn't want to go insane, but we also don't want to look like lowlifes that don't deserve to stay in the house.  How can I leave my lilies???    Dammit.


I love my house.  Consider the calla lilies of my field!  I mean, my yard!!  I can't leave my little lily friends!




Update at 1pm

The real estate agent just left and I swear, it's Kitty Forman (Debra Jo Rupp) from "That 70's Show."  She looks the same, has the same voice, the same laugh.  She was obviously uncomfortable with the situation, but not nearly as much as we were.  I also didn't know (show that when you ass/u/me, you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me.") that Nathan and I will actually have to LEAVE the house when it's being shown.  I'm going to be pissed if this is a frequent affair, especially since we only have the one car and we'd have to walk away somewhere, kill time, then walk back.  As many of you know, I'm not into having my day disrupted.  I have a flow to things and I don't like for it to get jacked up, especially on an ongoing basis.  This could go on for months.  I'm continuing to think positively and presume ( a dangerously close cousin to "ass/u/me") that everything is moving toward greatest good whatever and is just an instrumental curve in the road to get someplace else, whether it's to another house or ownership of this house.  The other possibility is that someone will buy this house as an investment property and want to continue renting it out. 

I'm tired of thinking about it, but I can't seem to knock it out of my head.  We have so many people putting positive energy into this and for that, Eric and I are very, very grateful.  I wish I could sleep through the next month or two. 

Nathan had a wonderful first day of preschool.  I was a little startled when Eric got back home only about 5 minutes after the start of school.  He said Nathan just started playing and when Eric said, "It's time for me to go home now," Nathan started to cry.  Eric gave him a hug and Nathan said, "But I don't WANT to go."  Eric told him HE could stay, but Dad had to go home and Nathan said, "Bye!" and went back to playing.  The teacher said he did really well.  He's very eager to go back tomorrow.

So that's a good thing.  :)

My house looks really nice, so that's a good thing.  :)  We got the kids' room painted a bit over the rougher spots and everything all clean and tidy.  It's not Carolyn clean by any means, but it's well above average. 

We had fun flying kites.  The wind was perfect and the kids really enjoyed themselves.

So that was a good thing.

I'm going to go take a nap and mull over my good things and try not to think about the scary, intimidating things.