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Updated at 1pm
March 1, 2004
Today, my life
will change in
several ways,
some minor and
some profound.
Eric just left
to take the kids
to school...
all of the
kids. An
era is over.
My last child
has joined the
ranks. The
time came sooner
than I expected,
thanks to a
pilot program in
our school
district that is
gauging the
viability of a
funded preschool
program.
Nathan was the
first to sign up
and now the
class is a full
24 little souls
packed.
Eric wanted to
take Nathan on
his own,
thinking Nathan
would have less
separation
anxiety if I
wasn't there.
Nathan has been
very eager for
this and was up
promptly at 5:30
to get ready to
go. I'm at
peace with it, a
lot more than I
expected to be.
Mostly, I think
that's because
of how he has
begged for
months to go to
school and how
happy he is. I
hope it's all he
wants it to be
and doesn't
throw him for a
loop if it
conflicts with
the imagine he
has in his head
of what it's
going to be
like.
For me, it opens
the door of my
first time ever
in my life to
have totally
free time.
From 7:50 -
10:50 every week
day I have three
hours with no
children.
With the older
kids, when they
started school,
I was working
full time, so it
didn't really
have much of an
impact as far as
my time went.
I was away
regardless.
Now, as a stay
at home mom, I'm
really feeling
it for the first
time. I
don't have crazy
empty nest
syndrome or
anything; just a
little wan smile
at the passage
of time and the
way our lives
move on whether
we're paying
attention or
not. It
just unfolds
with or without
our help.
Goddess bless,
ya, Little
Nathan.
Use your powers
for good instead
of evil.
Today also
begins my first
day of
aggressively
working out and
Nazi-ish
watching what I
eat. I've
been
experimenting
with different
ideas and
processes for a
couple of months
now and lost 14
pounds in the
process. I
am excited about
what can happen
if I'm really
being serious
about it.
I have my
resistance
tubes, thanks to
Sage and his
friend who
recommended
them. I
have an exercise
ball on the way
thanks to a
great deal on
e-bay. I
have my eggs,
cube steak and
pinto beans, as
well as a good
stock of salad
stuff and
bottled water.
I'm all set.
:)
AT 11:30, Jenny
Amador, wrecker
of homes and
destroyer of
dreams,
(actually just
the real estate
agent for our
landlord) will
be on my
doorstep to
inspect the
house before
putting it on
the market.
We are
absolutely
determined to
find a way to
buy it
ourselves, but
if it can't
happen, we'll do
our best to
understand and
continue on with
the flow.
I know Eric will
be crushed.
Our friend is
working hard to
get a mortgage
set up for us,
so we're putting
a lot of faith
in her and in
that and hoping
for the best.
While we were
working on the
house this
weekend, we were
able to see lots
of ways we could
upgrade the
house and make
it even more
wonderful than
it is. I
really don't
want to see
those dreams and
ideas die.
Nathan has
*just* gotten
into school and
is so happy.
I'd hate to move
away and have to
take that from
him. The
kids are settled
into their
school years and
we just go the
wood floors all
nice. All
that work
shouldn't have
to be for
nothing.
We really love
this house and
we're...
hopeful.
Frantically,
peacefully,
urgently
hopeful.
Speaking of
which, I still
have a few
things to do to
get ready.
We didn't want
to go insane,
but we also
don't want to
look like
lowlifes that
don't deserve to
stay in the
house. How
can I leave my
lilies???
Dammit.
>:<
I love my house.
Consider the
calla lilies of
my field!
I mean, my
yard!! I
can't leave my
little lily
friends!
dammit.
Love,
K
Update at 1pm
The real estate
agent just left
and I swear,
it's Kitty
Forman (Debra Jo
Rupp) from "That
70's Show."
She looks the
same, has the
same voice, the
same laugh.
She was
obviously
uncomfortable
with the
situation, but
not nearly as
much as we were.
I also didn't
know (show that
when you
ass/u/me, you
make an "ass"
out of "u" and
"me.") that
Nathan and I
will actually
have to LEAVE
the house when
it's being
shown. I'm
going to be
pissed if this
is a frequent
affair,
especially since
we only have the
one car and we'd
have to walk
away somewhere,
kill time, then
walk back.
As many of you
know, I'm not
into having my
day disrupted.
I have a flow to
things and I
don't like for
it to get jacked
up, especially
on an ongoing
basis.
This could go on
for months.
I'm continuing
to think
positively and
presume ( a
dangerously
close cousin to
"ass/u/me") that
everything is
moving toward
greatest good
whatever and is
just an
instrumental
curve in the
road to get
someplace else,
whether it's to
another house or
ownership of
this house.
The other
possibility is
that someone
will buy this
house as an
investment
property and
want to continue
renting it out.
I'm tired of
thinking about
it, but I can't
seem to knock it
out of my head.
We have so many
people putting
positive energy
into this and
for that, Eric
and I are very,
very grateful.
I wish I could
sleep through
the next month
or two.
Nathan had a
wonderful first
day of
preschool.
I was a little
startled when
Eric got back
home only about
5 minutes after
the start of
school. He
said Nathan just
started playing
and when Eric
said, "It's time
for me to go
home now,"
Nathan started
to cry.
Eric gave him a
hug and Nathan
said, "But I
don't WANT to
go." Eric
told him HE
could stay, but
Dad had to go
home and Nathan
said, "Bye!" and
went back to
playing.
The teacher said
he did really
well. He's
very eager to go
back tomorrow.
So that's a good
thing. :)
My house looks
really nice, so
that's a good
thing. :)
We got the kids'
room painted a
bit over the
rougher spots
and everything
all clean and
tidy. It's
not
Carolyn
clean by any
means, but it's
well above
average.
We had fun
flying kites.
The wind was
perfect and the
kids really
enjoyed
themselves.
So that was a
good thing.
I'm going to go
take a nap and
mull over my
good things and
try not to think
about the scary,
intimidating
things.
Love,
K
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