January 28, 2004

Just a quick update.  That nap turned into light drowsing as I couldn't seem to find the angle to go to sleep, even with a lot of tired behind me.  Still, it was great to just relax for a while.  My friend, Maurine, called me to give me a heads up on "Butterfly Effect," which Eric and I were going to go see on a gift certificate, warning me that it had some really heavy stuff in it that I might not want to see (dogs being lit afire and kiddie porn and such).  I was a little daunted, particularly after reading some of the online reviews with Yahoo.  We looked all over for another movie to see and Eric said he supposed he could see "Peter Pan" (I'd already seen it and loved it), so we started planning for it, but it wasn't showing at the theater where we had the gift certificate and "Butterfly Effect" was the only movie Eric really had an interest in seeing.  He really tried hard to find another one and finally I thought, "What am I, twelve?  I can sit through a movie, hide my eyes if something's coming up I don't want to see and take a chance."  So that's what we did.  I'm so grateful that I did, because even though the first half hour was rough, it all tied in well with the context of the movie and was completely appropriate to the direction the story was taken.  As one of the reviews stated, I definitely wouldn't take a child to it (even Delena, who is 11 and has a very sophisticated take on movies), but we both enjoyed it very much.  I have a penchant for time travel movies, so the subject matter was of good interest to me.  Ashton was actually pretty good in it and the progressions through time based on the changes he made were appropriate.  The ending was satisfying (which is a major deal for me... a bad ending can ruin the whole movie for me - one of the reasons I h*a*t*e*d the movie "A-I") and a good time was had by all.  There were only two times I hid my eyes (both involved the dog) and none where I should have and didn't.  You can see the icky stuff coming in good time to duck and it's clear when that part's over.  What I really appreciated about the movie was that it showed how key moments in life, when seized or ignored, can change your life forever in a really, really profound way.  Good reflective stuff!!

Eric and I were all set for a Nerd-a-thon tonight.  The double feature DVD, "Revenge of the Nerds 1 & 2" came from Netflix today, but he punked out on me to go hang out with his partner, Mike , and celebrate the signing of the contract tomorrow for the housing project.  I'm sure they are posturing and male bonding and whooping a great deal, so it's just as well he gets all that testosterone crap out of his system.  Caveman knuckle dragging is something that bores me to the nth degree, so I take the opportunity to hit the computer and get some really good sleep without my snoring disturbing him.

I know I snore madly, especially since I put on these extra pounds in the last year.  I wake myself up several times a night, but what's worse is that on top of that, HE wakes me up a few times a night as well, poking me to roll over (which does no good because I just snore away from him, then roll back over again when I'm fully asleep again).  So it's a long night of waking myself up, him waking me up, turning over, turning back, then doing it all over again and waking up with a sore throat.  The SnoreStop, which is great stuff, doesn't work any more at all.  I hope it settles down again as the weight goes away.  I have about 7 pounds to go before I'm at my old setpoint and I remember that it was when I lost down to about 5 pounds or so below that that I stopped snoring as much.  It's so freaking debilitating and embarrassing.  >:<  I've snored my whole life, since I was a baby (no deviated septum or anything odd like that... I just snore), but when I'm overweight, it's really bad.  More than anything at all, I'll be glad to see that go.

I'm at a stupid plateau and nothing moved at all this week.  I waver between 9-10 pounds lost, depending on the day, in 29 days, so almost a month.  That's really good progress, but when you're as big as I am, it's hard to see that progress until it's in the higher numbers.  My clothes don't fit that much different and I don't really feel that much different.  My elbows are a bit bonier and my rings are looser.  That's about it.  I feel better with the sugar cleaned out of my body and don't expect to bring that back full time. I might have something here or there, but it will never again be a way of life, of that I'm certain.  Same thing for bread, which is now more of a garnish if I have it at all.  I know I can do this forever, so other than portion control and upping my exercise (the water issue is handled as well), it now just comes down to time invested.  Lots and lots of time. 

A really big thing happened today of which I am VERY proud.  Nathan has been begging, crying and sobbing every day for over a month now to go to school and when the kids leave in the morning, it takes a little while to get him redirected and out of his funk.  Two nights ago, Eric and I were talking about how much we wished we could afford to get him into a private preschool so he could have some socialization and not be as bored at home.  Today, Dylan brought home a paper saying that the school is starting up a FREE preschool, starting March 1st, every morning for three hours.  Enrollment is Monday.  This is just... amazing.  I mean, what are the chances of starting a program like this in midyear?  And what will I do??  I'll have 3 hours to myself with no kids every day!  I'll also be walking him to and from school, so that's two miles of walking a day!  Go Go CARDIO!  This is going to be so good for him and for me too!  I'm going to be there at the first hour of registration to make sure he gets in!!  (Thank you Goddess!!)

I'm just very, very giddy about that!  I haven't been alone in my own house since long before Delena was born in 1992.  Not even sure how long before that.  There's always a child around somewhere.  That will be really wild to be alone!  (NO, I'm not dreading it, I'm eagerly anticipating it!)  No empty nest syndrome here!

Eric has sworn before God and Everybody that if I lay out the kids clothes and get their lunches ready, he will get up with them, boot them out the door in the morning to school and let me sleep in.  Since this NEVER happens, I'm chalking that one up as a miracle as well!  :)

Time for me to start down the road that decides if I sleep or not tonight.  With any luck, this will be a blessed night and I can sleep all the way through... ah, the memories of when I could sleep standing up, leaning against a wall or on the back of a motorcycle.  Sleep is so precious.

I'm going to go see if I can find me some of that.

Below is the entry from earlier today.

Oh yes!  Don't forget to cast your vote in the "who's hottest" contest!!


Good Night, My Friends!


January 28, 2004

I wasn't able to sleep last night, which has left me feeling fairly disjointed today.  I drowsed between 9-11, but couldn't get into a deep sleep.  I flopped around a bit and finally ended up getting out of bed.  Sometimes, I get this feeling that I call "running energy" when I feel as though I've got a bolt of electricity jammed up my butt looking for a place to ground.  It tends to happen when something really big is getting ready to happen. 

I did busy work on the computer, answered some e-mails, created and posted a column for a new writer and did some reading.  I took two Vicodin, hoping it would make me sleepy, but it never did come.  I finally went back to bed a little after 4am and willed sleep to come.  It did in about a half hour and I got up at 6:30 to get kiddies ready for school.  I'll likely go nudge Eric in a bit (sleeping hubby) so he can watch Nathan and I can catch a few Zzzz's.

My friend, Jennifer, gave us movie passes for Yule and we still haven't used them, so I'm thinking we'll go see Butterfly Effect later today.  Josh owes me babysitting.  I could stand to get out of the house.  I went out to get groceries last night, braving the brakeless car after Eric told me he *thought* I could probably stop it.  It was fairly harrowing, so I doubt I'll be venturing out until we get another car or get this one fixed unless someone hauls me around.  I feel like an old gramma who has to be taken out into the sun once a week whether she needs it or not. 

I even dreamed about the car last night in the two hours when I slept best (the morning ones).  I was driving and couldn't get the car to slow down enough to make the turns I needed to make and I knew I couldn't get it to stop all the way, so I'd never get out.  I'll not have to overponder that one to get the deeper meaning. 

Eric has finished the last of the side jobs he and his partner had lined up.  He has one and a half more unemployment checks coming and they will begin getting paid for the housing project in April (was going to be March, but the ground breaking on the project was pushed out a bit).  They'll start working the end of February.  Eric can't find his last pay stub, so we're not able to do a tentative tax return yet.  That will likely be what holds us through the end of February.  There are several roads laid for the miracles to follow, including a couple of venture capitalists who are expressing interest in investing in their company.  I've sold a couple of the coupon books and have the e-bay ad up, so that could come through to create a little bit of money.  I'm not going to worry because there are so many ways this could turn around and be something that never deserved any worry.  The past couple of years have taught me not to invest in worry until the 11 1/2 hour and then only as a motivating force, not as a place to sit and wallow and feel sorry for myself (although I still do that once in a while).

I love cats and this makes me laugh.  I'm easy, I guess.

With that, I'm going to try and catch a nap while Eric is up to watch Nathan.  I love naps.  They're... lovely.

While I sleep, I'm going to do what the heading on this lovely set suggest and chase the amazing, magical moon as I sleep.  She'll be full in just over a week, on Friday, the 6th... full of promise and hope and joy and bursting with miracles.

I hope you have a really, really great week.  I'll be around from time to time.

Be... blessed,  be so very, very blessed,