"Elizabeth, it's not that I minded being attached to
you, I just didn't know how I would eat or drink.
Please stop crying and be glad we were
able to chisel away the glue."

"I'm not crying about THAT, stupid!
Now I'm stuck to my PHONE!"

"Me too, baby.  Just keep talking.
Ma Bell works in mysterious ways.
So... what are you wearing?"

"Ow.  My head still hurts from where his hands were
stuck.  Stuck.  Stuck.  Crap.  NURSE! I'm stuck again"

"'Well, my love, you did it.  I've got to hand it to you.
The PCPD has tried for years to derail Sonny and his
business and you have them incapacitated with
one little bottle of glue.  Sonny is permanently
attached to a leather jacket and Jason's
trigger finger is glued to his head. To top
that off, you were able to get even with
your meddling family AND the other
Unwashed Minions of this town.
Are you ready to hang up your
glue gun and call it a day?"

"Almost, my precious.  Just one more project...
the sweetest one of all."

"Taste my new lipstick."

"With pleasure, Tracy."

To read more of Sage's Funny Pages, click HERE

To return to Sage's column, click HERE.