January 5, 2005


New Year’s confession!  Get your New Year’s confession right here!  General Hospital is actually making me smile again.  That’s right, GH, me, smiling…you can get up off the floor now; I promise the sky isn’t going to fall.  Unless of course you live in a quaint two story little house that conveniently doesn’t have a second story over the living room, and it happens to be snowing outside.  Then it is possible that you will think the sky is falling but really it’s just the ceiling caving in because even the ceiling doesn’t have to stand for annoying drunken banter interspersed with annoying face slapping.  So take care all, and act like a grownup when it’s snowing…at least when you’re indoors.   

I usually start with what I don’t like, in an attempt to end with the positive so I don’t leave you all thinking that I’m incapable of being nice, but let’s switch it up a bit for a change.  I’m absolutely thrilled with what really seems to be a true attempt to stabilize the wildly varying airtime that characters have been allotted over the last few years.  Sonny and Carly (First and second place winners in my Airtime Hog of the Year awards for several years running now!) seem to be part of the cast now, instead of some sort of dysfunctional centerpiece.  That’s not to say that I wouldn’t still tweak it a bit if I were in charge, nor that I wouldn’t just go ahead and pack the centerpiece away with the rest of the gaudy and unnecessary Christmas decorations until sometime after next November sweeps, but hey, it is progress and it should be noted as such.  The show as a whole definitely feels more woven, there is far more interaction than there was even a few months ago.  Opportunities were missed; like when Heather was shipped away and Steven didn’t notice or become affected, and there’s more to be done; like trotting out the Q’s for more than just the holidays.  Progress is progress though, and I’ve no room to complain at the moment about the direction we’re heading in as opposed to where we’re coming from.  Goodness knows we can prove it could be much, much worse.  And don’t worry, if we ever need to testify to that fact I know right where to find you all! 

I can also testify to the fact that I’ve been keeping a secret!  I’m ready to confess, but you have to promise to be gentle with me, because this is all so new and fragile you know.  Treat me like I’m Emily!  You be Jason, Lucky, Nik, Connor, Zander…whoever, and protect me at all costs.  You might want to choose one of the first two though because so far, I haven’t managed to kill them or their loved ones, and at the moment they’re still free to roam the earth; which is always nice.  So I’m Emily, and therefore no matter what I say you have to react with awe and reverence toward every word.  And yes, even toward the “um’s” in between, should I decide to utter them.  Stop laughing!  You can’t prove it’s not a choice!  So, here goes:   

I like Jason with Sam.  I like Sam with Jason.  My eyes keep wandering to the pool table.   

I mean, really.  I’ve had no use for Jason for eons.  Sam I never really felt one way or the other about for any length of time.  Suddenly I’m rooting for them, grinning like an idiot every so often when Jason looks befuddled by what’s happening to him, and totally ignoring the flitting “Sherry you look like an idiot with that look on your face” thoughts that go through my head.  This is only a beginning, mind you.  When Jason wanders off to gaze in confusion at Courtney while she has arguments with herself about who she loves now, my eyes glaze over and I amuse myself by picturing Jason wearing Lois’ clothes.  I must give Kelly Monaco credit, because she’s done what seemed impossible for a while there.  She’s elicited a reaction from Steve Burton, and she’s obviously convinced him somehow that this relationship for their characters is worth his effort.  Not that I’m implying that Mr. Burton can’t figure out for himself what works for his character (and what doesn’t), just speculating that along with that he may prefer to know that the style of the actress opposite him will mesh well and even compliment his own.  It both characters benefit, I’m happy.  If the actors benefit as well, more the better.  I’m yet to be convinced that the whole after-market replacement baby is a necessary part of the relationship moving forward, but I’m willing to be convinced so we’ll wait and see on that.   

Speaking of Lois, she needs a bubble bath and less dialogue or something because she’s totally icky lately.  Why do I suspect she had a piece of nipple hardware under that New Year’s Eve costume that would do Ms. Jackson (if you’re nasty) proud?  It’s probably not all Lois’ fault.  It can’t help that she’s only seen wrapped in Lorenzo’s sheets or wrapped in some sticky looking vinyl number of goodness knows what frightening color.  It also can’t help that she keeps saying she can’t be with him; right before she runs up, slurps on his tonsils, and then does a cheap imitation of the patented Emily “swirl away and turn my back on you while looking longingly over my shoulder” move.  One of these times she’s bound to swirl away while on the docks and she just might get that bath whether she wants it or not.  I’d donate soap but I need to wait just a bit longer to be sure Christina Aguilera is really through with the “Wash Me” sign.   

Courtney is annoying again.  *Sigh*   And really, one only gets so many shots at this.  It’s great that she’s removed from Sonny, but it makes no sense that Diego, who is practically an adult, cannot even know his father is Lorenzo because Lorenzo is a criminal, but little Miss Child Welfare America has nothing to say about Sonny collecting infants in his bullet proof penthouse.  There’s your kids in crisis commercial Courtney, for Pete’s sake.  She can’t stay married to Jason due to his “business”, she’s sticking her nose in every parental relationship in town at the moment, but we couldn’t get a little “professional” (*Snort* WTF anyway?  Did I tell you all I’m thinking of starting up a foundation to rescue all the teens that Courtney is troubling by pretending to know what the heck she’s doing?) testimony in the biggest criminal child custody battle of the century?  She’s apparently the only person in town who cares about the children, and she’s apparently able to do that in whatever capacity is necessary at any given moment.  Need an adoption?  Call Courtney at the foundation!  Need a social worker?  Call Courtney at the foundation!  Need a wet nurse?  Call Courtney at the foundation!  Actually, call her at her cell number because I think the office space kind of travels to wherever that empty space between her ears travels.  Harsh you say?  It’s only because I care about the kids, I assure you.   

Jordan Baines is a really big waste of time.  I gave it a try, I held off on judgment for a while, but it’s just not working.  There’s no spark with Sonny.  Not that he should *have* to spark with his lawyer, but apparently it’s like a law now or something.  But heck, we don’t need spark!  Instead we’ll just skip the seduction dance and just go straight to him telling her where and when he’ll be having some and she can giggle a little (in a professional, lawyerly way, of course) and don a bikini.  I’ve nothing against the actress really, and she’s probably fine in most things, but this isn’t working out for me at all.  I spend too much time giggling about why she’s always sitting down when they converse, while he “towers” over her, probably on his tippy toes.  It’s not working.   

What does work, however, is the way Sonny continues to make himself look more ass-like every day.  I like that.  To be fair, he’s even had moments where he made sense.  He actually brought up AJ and the comparisons that can be made between Michael’s situation and Kristina’s.  I was floored.  The only unsurprising part about it was Carly pouncing on that rational thought and swallowing it whole before spitting out some crap that made no sense, but that’s to be expected from birds of prey.  I watched Jurassic Park the other night and I swear I saw her running through a field with a pack of some sort of dinobirds.  After his moment of sanity though, he’s managed to only dig his hole deeper and deeper in my book.  The culmination being his little babysitting escapade!  He had all three of his kids, for about five minutes, and managed to have to call in reinforcements.  That’s talent.  He’s afraid to go on vacation alone with them, so he’s inviting his lawyer.  Great idea really, particularly since Michael has coped so well with daddy’s girlfriends lately.  I’d like to comment on Sonny’s plan to use Alexis’ New Year’s Eve inebriation against her, but I’m too busy calling social services, I mean Courtney, about the glasses of alcohol Sonny kept putting within Kristina’s reach while she was at the Penthouse.  Michael had to go and ruin all the fun by smashing the decanter and the rest of the glasses.  But it was good that Carly sobered up from her brandyfest with Steven in time to call Alexis “Drunky”.  She better not do that in front of Sonny or he’ll *own* that fine piece of dinobird haute couture for himself I tell ya.  Just imagine how he’ll strut in that! 

New Maria first struck me as possibly being dinobird’s mother, what with that feathered thing she had on.  Secondly she struck me as a non-entity.  First Maria had a bit of spark with Lorenzo I thought, New Maria, not so much.  It’s okay though, because I couldn’t care less about her, her and Lorenzo, her and Diego, or Diego himself.  No point.  Can’t make me watch it. 

Ric and Alexis have drawn me in again.  I wasn’t sure, and I still don’t trust it completely, but it’s too fun to ignore.  Nancy Lee Grahn is a pro at exactly these kinds of scenes, and that’s enough for me.  Rick Hearst is also quite obviously skilled at them, and the whole thing makes me laugh despite misgivings I have, so kudos to them.  I love it.  I’m even not entirely against the scenes they both have with Sonny, since even with the obvious attempt to make Sonny seem sympathetic to viewers, he still somehow ends up looking manipulative and creepy.  Anyone with the talent to make Sonny’s true self crystallize for viewers gets a good grade in my book, and that includes Maurice Benard.  There have been moments when I really quite appreciate his portrayal of late again, whether intentional or not.  The three of them have potential to wake this show up when it most needs it, and I hope it continues.   

I really like John Durant.  I can’t exactly explain it, and it’s certainly not about his actions, which are sometimes quite the opposite of what I’d like to see.  It’s just that when he shows up holding that hat and all…I just kind of love him.  The inexplicableness is part of the charm I guess.   

There’s a lot more to comment on, which deserves more commenting on in itself since I can’t remember the last time there were more story threads to discuss than I had time for!  I have to wrap for now though, so we’ll save the rest for next time.  It’s still tripping and stumbling along, but at least there’s movement.  Have another sip and trip along with it, that’s my motto of the moment! 

Take care all!         

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