KEIFER SUTHERLAND

Let me tell you, I've had the finest Ho's in Hollywood, hell, in the world, but there is no Ho that rocks my boat like the Ho's at the Sage Brush Ranch.  I wish every one of them could live in  my pants.  It was wild.  My first time, I was in the waiting lounge with about 10 other guys, some I knew, some I didn't.  The most beautiful woman I had ever seen before parted the velvet curtains and stood with her hand laid softly on the door jam.  Spike from Buffy (god, I love that show) nudged me and said, "Shit, that's the Vestal Virgin, man.  I can only hope that she'll ever be the one."  I don't know how I found my voice or my nerve, but my mouth was yakking before I knew it.  I heard my voice speak firmly, yet softly, "So what's it going to be, Ves...are you going to fuck us all?"  The whole room went silent.  She turned and looked at me and I felt my soul drop through the floor as she surveyed me with those cool, steady eyes.  "No, Ace," she answered with a voice of velvet steel, "just you."  I thought I was going to shoot one off right there.  "You lucky FUCK," Spike said under his breath.  I just looked back at him and followed Ves to heaven.