Comments through Friday, June 4, 2004 
(A little spoiler to go with your speculation?)
 

Iíve decided that watching a soap is a lot like catching a cold.  A person can walk, talk, function and sometimes even feel fine while fighting the virus.  A cold might begin with a stuffy nose and then change venues and move into your throat and lungs.  All you can be sure of when enduring a cold is that youíre going to suffer with certain symptoms at different times.  You can walk up and down the cold remedy aisle debating whether to address your aching head and hacking cough or to seek a good nightís sleep and clear nasal passages.  The possible curative meds are endless and results are not guaranteed.  At any given day on a soap, you can find resolution to the problem in one storyline while the angst in another steadily worsens.  Just like cold symptoms, the only guarantee on a soap is that change is inevitable and imminent and a cure of one problem doesnít mean a cure of another, the darn thing just has to run its course.  GH this week provided a few hacking coughs, sneezes, and wheezes. 

Confession time.  Truly, in real life I am not a violent person.  Slapping, hitting, and fighting are not a part of my everyday world.  That being said, I have to admit that when Emily first spied Nikolas I felt her utter shock.  Emily sighting Mary and ConNik canoodling on the lounger had me yelling at her to get over there and do something unpleasant to Mary, like smack her around perhaps.  I wanted her to fight for her man and I struggled to understand her reaction, her hesitant approach to Nikolas when they connected on the beach.  Emily quickly realized Maryís deception and a part of me wanted her to expose the truth and break up the McNik coupling (my name for Mary/ConNik).  It didnít occur to me that Emily had already experienced a life changing brush with amnesia when Jason emerged from his head trauma with a radically different personality.  Of course she would be cautious and protective of Nikolas as understanding dawned that he had no clue his current life is based on Maryís inability to accept her real husbandís death.  Showing a maturity that I didnít possess she did the intense stare (I kept thinking if someone stared at me like that Iíd get a bit freaked) and breathy voice thing with ConNik, then hopped on one of the 10 minute tropics-to-Eastern seaboard flights and ran to Jason for understanding.  Ashamed of myself I shook my head.  Itís a sad, sad day when the soap writers show more maturity than me.  I sure hate admitting that.

Immaturity showing, I yelled at Emily to jump the rail

And go get her man.

Struggling, I tried to figure out why Emily kept putting her hand over her mouth.

ďTell him,Ē I urged. 

After watching her scenes with Jason I finally understood.

Emilyís afraid if she confronts Nikolas with the overwhelming truth of Maryís lies,

heíll reject her along with Mary. 

Lorenzo spoke some of my favorite lines this week when he bluntly reminded Mary, ďAs difficult as this may be for you to accept, Connor Bishop is dead.  And Nikolas Cassadine is living the lie that you invented for him.Ē  Thank you, Lorenzo, for stating so bluntly what continuously bugs me about Mary and her so called love of ConNik.  Itís not that I enjoy verbal cruelty, but it is not OK that Mary stole a person with a life, relatives and loved ones and justifies it by her love and her word of mouth disapproval of Nikís family.  It wouldnít matter if Niko used to be a homeless man digging for food from dumpsters, his life is not hers for the taking. 

 

Lorenzo throws up his special shield against pitiful women and tells Mary like it is.

Mary valiantly puts on her best woe-face. 

Mary, Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow?  Iím thinking sheís fertile and soon to be expanding.  I donít see her as a keeper character, but I can see her bearing Nikís child and then accidentally (or not) plunging to her death from the deadly cliffs on Spoon Island with blame, rightly or wrongly, falling on Emily.  Thus, leaving Nikolas as a single dad (always a popular storyline) and casting doubt on Emilyís integrity and trustworthiness.  By then, Lucky will have developed feelings for Mary and his heart, while not broken at her death, will definitely be bruised because letís face it, his name may be Lucky, but heís not.  Especially when it comes to love.  Thatís my speculation and Iím stickiní to it because I like the scenario and I am a closet soap writer.

ConNik awakens with a start.

ďWho is this woman and why is she touching me?Ē 

What is it about amnesia that promotes criminal activity?  Itís sort of a cosmic balance.  Forget your name, but hey, at least now youíre able to break into buildings and follow people without being caught.  Canít remember your past balances with the inability to determine right or wrong.  It must be a truth, probably secret intense studies have been conducted by the government seeking the perfect undercover CIA agents, because it happened with Jason and now itís happening with Nikolas.  Didnít the ďAliasĒ chick suffer with memory loss and which side sheís on?  I wonder if Lorenzo hired ConNik and handed him a learnerís lock picking kit with wise advice like, ďLearn to pick locks, my son, and you will go far with me.Ē

Showing off his professionalism,

ConNik demonstrated his newly discovered talent

for picking locks while holding a flashlight in his teeth. 

Lucky kissed Emily!  I totally didnít see it coming, but I should have. 

I bet the script said to kiss her cheek.

Throwing caution to the wind, Lucky leaned in for a real kiss and scored. 

This week, someone asked me what I thought of Jason and Sam as a couple and I replied that theyíre a couple-in-waiting.  Meaning, I am waiting for them to become a couple.  The honesty between them kinda pulls at me like it did with Jason and Brenda.  A person canít help but note the blatant parallels; however, it took me until this week to figure out why I wasnít jumping on board the Sam and Jason ride.  Itís the quirks.  Sam doesnít have any.   Love or hate Brenda, her quirks made her unique such as her ability to wear Ugh boots with pjís, her cooking adventures, and mostly her way of conversationally challenging Jason until he roared at her to ďShut up!Ē  Sam has shown several emotions, but her endearing quirks rate about zero.  Note to ABC:  Want me to buy into Jason and Sam?  Give the girl some quirks.  Allow Sam to crack a smile once in a while.  The serious babe Iím seeing can act a good story, but sheís not making me care if she stays or goes.

ďHey Jase, know any knock, knock jokes?Ē 

One of my favorite scenes this week occurred between Courtney and Sam (at the olí gazebo) as Courtney tried to explain to Sam how privileged she is to carry the life inside her.  Courtney wasnít angry or bitter, just sadder and wiser than the Courtney of a year ago.  Good job. 

It wasnít exactly bonding, but they made a connection. 

ďWait a minute.  Is it my painkillers or is my son starting to mellow?Ē  Mike asked with disbelief lacing his voice when Sonny offered to stop calling names.  Sonny told Mike regarding his leaving when Sonny was a child, ďIím understanding a little more what you were going through.  At least more than I did.Ē  Funny, I havenít read any spoilers about aliens invading Sonnyís body and taking over his personality.  Could it be that SonnyísÖdare I say it...maturing?  After that cool scene I watched one later in the week where Sonny issued an ultimatum to Courtney to choose between her family and Jax.  Wisely, Courtney refused to participate in Sonnyís latest round of betrayal and blame game.  Sonny offered a whole new response.  He didnít slap her with a youíre-out-of-my-life speech after insulting her 13 times.  Nope, he responded by not responding and then showed up to support Courtneyís benefit.  I checked the spoilers again and didnít find any upcoming multiple personality storylines.  I may have to e-mail Sage about this new development.

  

His eyes didnít glow and his head didnít spin so I had to conclude

that the impossible happened.  Sonny matured. 

Sonny, showing his considerate side, cooked dinner for Sam.  Being a nice guy, he followed up with a dance and a kiss.  Jason interrupted the kiss and informed Sonny that he was unable to break into Jaxís apartment because Jax and Courtney spotted him outside the building.  Clearly, Jason was not a happy camper and I wondered if he was upset at spotting Courtney in her gorgeous dress with Jax on her arm or whether he was peeved that he walked in on Sonny kissing the woman Jason agreed to marry to save Sonnyís family.  Donít you wish one time Jason would look at Sonny and tell him to keep his lips to himself?

 

Jasonís heart hurts Ďbecause Jax is flirting with the woman he wants and Sonnyís kissing

the woman he doesnít want but has agreed to marry.

ďNooot looking.  They might be kissinnnnggg.Ē 

In a serious case of sneeritus mouthus interruptus Jason listened to one insult too many from Jax, then stood up and smoothly decked him.  I cheered.  In my head I know that Sonny and Jason are the criminals, the bad guys.  My emotions say that Jax is an arrogant jerk (those are the nice words) who dons his better-than-thou sneer face whenever Sonny and Jason appear in his vicinity or even are mentioned in conversation.  I think I could live through his unending one note I-Hate-Sonny-and-Jason whinefest if he were humble.  Maybe then I could tolerate the character that so many others love, but I have a hard time watching in a scene.

   

Slo-mo in screen caps.

Insult.                     Reaction.                     Follow thru.                     Result. 

Funniest lines all week:

Felicia to Mac: How are you feeling?

Mac:  Felicia, Iím fine.

Felicia:  Good.  I want you to take really good care of yourself tonight, because this is your first night out since the nasty fire.

I have one question.  Where the heck are Macís burn scars? 

Nasty fire?  Umm, Felicia a grease fire that catches the curtains on fire and requires your kitchen to be repainted is nasty.  An entire hotel incinerating complete with explosions and blazing conflagrations becomes a Cataclysmic Event.  Please try to get it right because presumably thereís a hulking wreck of a building still sitting in the middle of Port Crispy-Chuckie. 

Whatís happening to my wonderful Alexis who used to be smart and tough?  Sheís coming undone by IckRic of all people.  So while I am happy to see her on my screen and I admire NLGís comedic portrayal of a woman rattled, I hate that itís Ric doing the rattling because Ricís first priority is trashing Sonny.  ďIs that a hickey on his neck?Ē Alexis asked the TV about Ric kneeling with her face two inches away from the screen.  It boils down to me admiring Alexis in action but developing a knot in my stomach knowing that Ric will hurt her without remorse to achieve his own nefarious ends.  Without Liz, Ric has no one to provide a limited conscious reining him in from his innate evilness. 

 

Alexis finally realizes that itís not a hickey on Ricís neck,

itís a smear on the television screen where Kristina touched the screen

with sticky fingers.  But Ricís not telliní. 

ĎFESS UP TIME, TELL ME A STORY! 

Alexis, rattled over Ric, wore two different shoes to court.  Címon, weíve all done it or experienced some sort of wardrobe malfunction.  I have shown up for work with one blue and one black shoe and also with two different earrings (thankfully, not on the same day), buttons missing in embarrassing spots and had zippers break.  Send me an e-mail and tell me your story.  If I receive more than one or two Iíll post them next week.  Anonymously, of course.  Just because we tell a funny story doesnít mean we actually have to admit to it. 

Talk about soapy!  A couple spoilers guaranteeing endless speculation posted this week. 

Carly and Edward  plan for Edward buy Sam's baby.  The idea being that the Quartermaine's would raise Jason's child with Carly's help.  (GHH2)

An entire column could be written on the ridiculousness of Carly thinking she can finagle a child of Jasonís (even when it really isnít Jasonís) into the Q asylum and then help them raise the baby.  Plus, thereís the problematic lie thing since we know that every time Carly lies to Jason he uses his invisible lie divining rod and busts her.  Not to mention the two-facedness (I know itís not a word but it should be) of Carly selling Jasonís baby to the Qís when she despised Edward for attempting to buy Michael.  The mind boggles Ė and I donít mean mine, I mean Carlyís.  

Sister Agnes takes care of a wounded Sonny.  (GHFF)

Oh goody!  Sister Agnes, again.  I hope she shakes her finger and scolds Sonny several times.  Then I hope she follows him to P.C. to dog him some more Ďcause she doesnít look like a nun to be messed with.

Sam will be beaten by an old boyfriend.  Carly, however, will shoot Nico (and not just in the sex brain).  (Sage)

This spoiler didnít make me laugh but I love the twist that Carly shoots the low life boyfriend and saves Sam and Sonnyís, aka Jasonís, baby.  Sage says the scenes are disturbing.  Carolyn and I talked about this one wondering if the old boyfriend knows that Sam is pregnant and does that make a difference in our perception of the event.  It could be good storytelling; however, I donít particularly want to watch scenes of a man beating a woman using fists.  This spoiler seems soÖ.so primetime.

If someone from Burger King reads this column, could you please clue in your marketing people that Ugoff is annoying?  There is nothing about meat in a pouch that makes me want to run to Burger King for lunch or dinner and Ugoff isnít helping matters by showing up on my screen during every commercial break.  The only drawback to watching GH in real time is that I canít fast forward through petty irritations like Ugoff.

Go away! 

Want to laugh?  Click HERE for some screen cap captions that will make you chuckle. 

Hmm, about a 100 interesting things happened this week like talking to a lady with 9 kids and adventures in paint mixing, but a high point was completing some projects begging for attention in my house.  I mean total completion in which the walls were painted, rooms put back together, pictures hung, paint cans stashed, etc.  Done.  Finito.  Sit and relax and let the fresh paint smell fade.  Since I tend to pile up projects in my head, crossing a couple items off my list felt wonderfully satisfying.  I know, I know, next week a few more projects will attach themselves to the list in my head, but hey, for a little while, I basked in the satisfaction of a job well done.   

Thatís kind of the feeling that fills me when I run spell-check one last time and send a column to Katrina for posting.  Itís a rush every week.  Iíve been writing for almost two years now and I still find it amazing that people read what I write much less send fun e-mails filled with comments, funnies, and storyline suggestions.  So if youíve made it this far and read my GH ramblings, thank you.  Have a wonderfully, successful week.  And if you find yourself bogged down, watch GH, and appreciate that youíre not a soap character.  I donít know about you, but I am very glad that my husband isnít in the MOB, heís never shot me in my sex brain, and Iíve never experienced an explosion up close and personal (or a hotel fire).  Unless your fantasy leads you into a steamy kiss with hot guy (shirtless or not, itís your fantasy) then go right ahead and pretend youíre a soapy character.  Sit back, relax, enjoy. 

If you happen to float through a few clouds,

Try to fall between the raindrops. 

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