Comments through Friday, May 28, 2004 
(Finally, some spoilers with a comedic twist!)

Hello?  Is anyone out there?  I can’t see you.  I can’t hear you.  Where has the commentary in my head gone?  I listened and waited but it was eerily silent.  Following the rule that if I don’t have anything nice to say, shut up, (I actually couldn’t think of anything to say) I gave up on writing a column.  I was still sucked into my GH everyday, enjoying what’s on my screen.  But I reached a point where I simply wanted entertainment, accepting whatever passed in front of me without judging or commenting.  In the course of living through the silence in my head and because it’s summer, I’ve had the opportunity, off and on, to watch AMC, OLTL, DOOL, and of course GH.  I’ve determined that I am consumed by a one show obsession.  Even while enjoying aspects of storylines and characters in other shows, I can walk away from the TV at any time without regret.  Let me miss a GH scene and I retape on SoapNet because heaven forbid that I should miss one single word of dialogue (I say, rolling my eyes at myself).

Though she only appeared in two episodes, I am a Sister Agatha fan.  Within the hour after her blistering, but well deserved scolding of Sonny and Jax for their asinine and arrogant decisions regarding Sam and her baby, I received an e-mail from an on-line friend stating that she’d like to start a Sister Agatha fan club.  “Sign me up,” I replied.  Sister Agatha needs to move to P.C. to shake her finger in Sonny and Jax’s faces on a regular basis when they become too full of themselves.  I can see Sonny repeating for the 963rd time that he made a promise to God and Michael and that’s why he can justify Sam living across the hall from Carly, Michael and Morgan.  Like a recurring bad dream Sister Agatha can appear in front of him shaking her head in disgust.  The next time Jax demonstrates his insensitivity by reminding Sam that she only loves money or insisting to Courtney that Jason never loved her, Sister Agatha can appear on his shoulder to whisper in his ear that he’s behaving like a shallow rich boy with a cruel streak.  Since Sonny and Jax seem to have lost their moral gauges, my new hero Sister Agatha would be the perfect person to act as the crutch necessary for the two moral cripples.


“What’s she doing?” Jax asks Sonny, concerned.

“Dude, I think she’s praying.”  Sonny explains.

“For us?  Do you think she can put in a word about some stocks I bought?”

“Lord, please send me a baseball bat,” requests Sister Agatha. 

It’s ironic that Sonny and Carly both have knowledge of life changing baby secrets which they are guarding to preserve their family.  When the bombs of knowledge explode, neither of them will look good to the other.  But putting the blame aside, what it means is that Sonny is the father of all recent children born to citizens in P.C. except Liz and Zander’s one night stand oops baby.  Spoilers say that Sam fakes a miscarriage but then really experiences one so Sonny will have three current children and one available to return from the dead for future storylines.


Sonny has a secret, Carly does too.

 Doesn’t matter who tells first, they both smell like doo. 

If we played Carolyn Hinsey’s drinking game every time Sonny mentioned his promise to God, we’d all have to join AA.

“As you know, Sam, I made this bothersome promise to God and Michael.”

Glasses ready, choose your poison, gulp! 

Life was busy in MOB Penthouse Central this week.  Mac showed up and I tried to see if he was sportin’ any burn scars.  It occurred to me that perhaps for the first time in P.C. history a huge tragic event occurred and it wasn’t alllll Sonny’s fault.  And here we were thinking the writers couldn’t come up with anything new.  Mac, Faith and Jax all stopped by for a nice visit with Jason while Sonny attempted to bond with Carly again at the island retreat though Sam’s cooties kept distracting Carly.


“Thank you for visiting me at Penthouse Central,” Jason says graciously.

And then throws them out. 

Jason spoke the only sensible lines regarding Sam and her baby this week.  “Whatever you and Sonny feel for each other is none of my business.  OK.  But I’m askin’ you to remember, there are three kids involved now.  And they have a right to feel happy and secure.  And if that means the adults have to make some sacrifices, then that’s what needs to happen.  That’s what being a parent means.”   Not that Sonny, Sam or Carly can grasp the meaning of “the adults have to make some sacrifices”, but I liked that the words were spoken. 

“To us.  May we have some scenes which

don’t include Sonny.” 

It seems to me that Jason’s been incorrectly labeled.  Hit man, MOB enforcer, stone face, Sonny’s… Right Hand Man (You thought I was going to say something else, didn’t you? I considered it for a second.)  However, all those names don’t quite measure up to Jason’s true position in Port Drama-Central Charlie.  What Jason is, is handy.  It’s a simple word that covers all the bases.  Need an enemy eliminated?  You can count on Jason.  Looking for a pillar of silence to tell your soul destroying secrets?  Find a bench (or gazebo) and unload on Jason.  Seeking a babysitter who will put his life before that of the child?  All you need is a Jason.  Looking for someone to marry your pregnant mistress?  Good ol’ Jason will step right up.  Need private information on an enemy?  Don’t go to the library or check the internet, call Jason.  Most of us bumble through our lives doing for ourselves, but think how smoothly life would go with a handy Jason at our side.  Not that Jason would ever break from Sonny, but if he did…why I’m sure the world would be a better place.  Because Jason can fix anything.


For an invisible, comatose character who’s been off canvas for more than a year, Laura sure does receive a lot of play.  Not only is she mentioned on a regular basis, but now we learn that she’s had a regular stream of visitors from Port Mental-Mayhem Chuckie.  Luke, Lucky, Skye, Alexis, and Helena have all reportedly been to visit.  She’s going to need a social secretary if this keeps up.

“Laura, I know you’re comatose, but please flutter your eyelids if

the visitor meets with your approval.” 

Skye needs a couple lessons on how to be stalked by a knife wielding blond woman. 

Lesson No. 1 – Don’t run stand around in parks or empty casinos by yourself. 

Lesson No. 2 – Never underestimate the power of Laura. 

Lesson No. 3 – Never admit to Helena Cassadine what you did or didn’t do or what you think she did or didn’t do. 

Lesson No. 4 – Do not attempt to keep Luke away from Laura

Lesson No. 5 – Do not speak ill of any woman in a blond wig who may or may not be Laura or you may be charged with murder. 

Bye, Luke.  Glad you stayed long enough to receive your Emmy.  You know when you’ve found a classy guy?  When he offers you a piece of duct tape and allows you to put it over your own mouth.  Now there’s a keeper for ya!  Robin Christopher looks and moves wonderfully for a woman almost 8 months pregnant.  I’m going to miss Luke and Skye over the next few months.  Maybe TPTB can have someone run around in Laura’s fake hair carrying a big knife every once in a while just to keep the story fresh in our minds until the main characters return.

What happens if you burp, sneeze or cough while duct tape is covering your mouth? 

Luke receives points for attempting to keep up with Ric’s revolving murder suspect scenarios regarding Detective Duncan.  “Let me try to grasp this.  I tell you I’m the killer.  You tell me I’m not the killer.  I bring you the killer and you tell me I’m the killer.”  IckRic should think about changing professions from lawyer to crime drama fiction writer because the genre could certainly use an imaginative, talented guy like him.  He can take a couple facts and spin a story so fast the player’s head swim.  Mine too.   

Jax and Courtney caught my interest until Jax forgot he was supposed to be the fun playboy and reverted to his old “I hate Sonny and Jason” self.  Laughing, flirting and challenging Courtney, I thought for a bit, “Ah, there’s the guy the fans fall for.”  But then, instead of comforting Courtney after she learned that Jason supposedly knocked up Sam, he trashed Jason and tried to lead Courtney down a vengeful path.  I didn’t understand why Courtney called Jax in the first place, but I liked that she refused to buy into Jax’s Let’s-Hate-Jason song and dance.  Apparently, I-hate-Sonny-and-Jason is like a flu bug that has to run its course because Jax wasn’t satisfied with hurting Courtney.  He felt a need to belittle Sam when she walked by him in the ever useful gazebo and then pushed his way into Jason’s penthouse for no reason other than to behave badly.  Jax did make one good point though.  How did Jason end up the good guy for supposedly sleeping with Sonny’s girlfriend?

How many scenes can one person have in the same

clothes on the same set? 

I think Courtney’s been sitting at the gazebo for about a week now. 

Tracey experienced a rough week.  Jax dumped her, “a woman of substance”, for Courtney “a dewy-eyed lightweight”.  If that wasn’t bad enough, when Tracey tried to take out her angst on Courtney, Courtney didn’t crumble into a tearful heap, instead she shoved Tracey onto her butt of substance.  It’s tough to be a marauding harridan when the intended victims refuse to be victimized.  I’d feel sympathy for Tracey, but I like her too much as the conniving wannabe business tycoon. 


Woman who stick her face in other woman’s face and say nasty things,

End up on back seeing stars. 

Wasn’t it great how Lucky turned in his badge, lost the uniform, and transformed into a handsome, sexy guy with dialogue?  Now if he could find a girlfriend…

“Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me…” 

One of my favorite scenes this week occurred when Mary stood about 4 feet away from ConNik and informed Lorenzo in a righteous voice, “If you don’t fire him, I’m going to tell him he’s Nikolas Cassadine.  And that you’ve known it all along.  I’d rather lose him than watch him die.”  Big secret there Mary, don’t bother to lower your voice or anything.  I know how Mary’s sympathy card will be played.  At some point, after her deception becomes known, we’ll be treated to an emotional speech about how she was lonely and lost after Connor died.  When Nikolas showed up on her doorstep looking like Connor, she wanted to pretend for a little bit but the lies kept growing bigger and bigger and she didn’t know how to untangle it all (because telling the truth didn’t occur to her).  Then the unthinkable happened and she fell in love with ConNik.  She couldn’t help but try to hang on to him and hope he didn’t remember or miss his other life.  They might as well run a banner at the bottom of the screen saying, “Feel sorry for Mary.”  I am more inclined to feel for Emily who lost both Zander and Nikolas in one night.  It will be interesting though if Mary plays the baby card. 

Mary gives rescuing the amnesiac on the doorstep a very bad name. 

Perhaps Sage wasn’t meant to sing if one scream ruined her vocal cords.  And how come a dumb paint can falling prank is worse than selling naked pictures of Georgie on the internet?  Neither Georgie nor Sage has behaved well and I have a hard time buying into the I’ll-get-you-if-it’s-the-last-thing-I-do merry-go-round.  This storyline needs to go away until it can be spiced up with an interesting plot. 

I just realized, Brook Lynn is Dillon’s niece.  Hello, Uncle Dillon. 

Well, it’s about time!  A couple fun spoilers worth poking fun at showed up this week. 

Mary is definitely against it when Emily asks "Connor" to undergo hypnosis to help him regain his memory.  (GHFF)

All I want to know is if Mary gets her curls in a tangle AFTER Emily loses her ladylike persona for a couple minutes and takes the hootchie out of Mary’s cootchie for stealing her fiancé, her fiance’s life, and then pretending to be her friend.   

Sonny goes ballistic when Courtney tells her brother that she's more involved with Jax than just professionally (GHFF)

Pfft!  Guess the whole “I have no sister” thing didn’t last long. 

On July 16, ABC will air a show dedicated to Anna Lee (Lila Quartermaine).  Look for several GH vets to participate in the tribute.  The cynical side of me didn’t think that ABC would put forth the effort or bucks for such a dedication but I am happy to be wrong.  Grab a tissue.

Anna Lee

We salute you. 

Recently, I was faced with a dilemma between Want vs. Should.  Doing what I Should meant responsible, thorough, conscientious behavior.  Choosing Want meant dumping Should by the roadside and going for a motorcycle ride with my friend.  Want triumphed and I jumped on the back of the motorcycle.  The ride, a symbolic dumping of responsibility for a short time, a taste of freedom, made what could have been a mind blowing stressful day into a tolerable fiasco.  Flat helmet hair and smudged makeup for the rest of the day didn’t even register compared to the pure fun of the wind in my face and the countryside flying by.  I don’t possess much in the way of leather clothing, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been in a bar, and I’ve never owned a motorcycle, but in my heart, I am a biker chick.  

I wish for you a few moments of whatever represents freedom for you – a quiet time drinking coffee or soda and reading a book, a chance to eat out with friends, time to talk on the telephone without interruption, a chance to watch GH without the telephone ringing or people seeking your attention, perhaps a motorcycle ride.  Grab onto what you can and savor it.  Thanks for visiting Eye On Soaps, we’re glad you stopped by. 

Photo Credit:  PHOTOVAULT

In my dreams I look this cool on a motorcycle.

Except I look like a hot babe. 

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