Comments through Friday, April 9, 2004 
(Spoilers AND chocolate.  Life is good.)

I’d always suspected that Mr. Guza and Mr. Pratt anxiously wait for my column to post each week and now I’m sure of it.  (What can I say?  Delusional works for me.)  My proof lies in what I saw on my TV this week.  Last week, I worried that they would use up all the drama and there wouldn’t be any left for May sweeps and this week, for a refreshing change, I watched comedy.  Or maybe my mind watched drama but perceived comedy.  Either way, I was quite entertained, only not in the usual soapy way. 

Best laugh of the week came from Carly as she explained to Courtney in an isn’t-this-a-funny-story manner how Lorenzo came to be handcuffed to a pipe in her basement.  “I chained up Lorenzo in the basement and now I don’t know what to do with him.”  Addressing the basics, Carly explained that she snapped, knocked him out, dragged his heavy body down the steep basement stairs and used a convenient pair of handcuffs to attach him to a pipe.  My mind immediately jumped to the funniness of handcuffs conveniently stashed on a shelf in the basement and I was happy to hear Carly wondering the same thing aloud to Courtney. 


“It’s the weirdest thing, Courtney.  Lorenzo’s handcuffed in the basement

 and I have no clue how he got there because I’m not strong enough

 to drag him down the stairs.” 

After explaining her dilemma (what to do with a lover handcuffed in the basement), Carly spent the rest of her time running down the stairs, into her messy basement, trying to convince Lorenzo that she doesn’t love him and never will.  Lorenzo maturely handled his loss of freedom, confidently proclaiming that Carly definitely cares for him.  It makes me crazy when another person decides how I feel - “You really like me, I know you do.” - so I understood Carly’s staunch denial of those feelings.  I couldn’t help but compare Sonny and Lorenzo in this situation.  Sonny would regain consciousness and be livid while Lorenzo tried to understand and reason with Carly.  Both men are studly in their own way.  I can easily see Sonny handcuffed to a rail and the situation turning kinky.  Not in love with Lorenzo, I can see Carly falling for him because he absorbs Carly’s impulsiveness with understanding.  (Wouldn’t it be twisted but cool if Carly really fell for Lorenzo while she holds him captive in her basement?)  Bottom line – Lorenzo needs a woman who passionately loves him back so he can play the ever-so-popular tender guy on the inside, tough guy on the outside.  

“So, Lorenzo, why DO you keep handcuffs in the basement?” 

If Carly ever decides to do volunteer work, I hope she doesn’t end up in a room with teenagers.  Sage showed up at Carly’s door frantically seeking her Uncle Lorenzo.  Carly’s expressions showed how lost she was with a young girl baring her soul, apologizing and hoping for friendship.  Making herself at home, Sage blithely helped herself to Carly’s chips and began munching.  I know Sage was presenting her vulnerable side…but I still can’t muster empathy or affection for her.

Risking her life, Sage takes food away from Carly. 

Sonny’s going to have to yank Jason’s babysitting card.  Sam agonized over whether she should stay or go from the penthouse giving Jason a female induced headache.  Jason replied, “You want to know what I think?  Sonny should figure out what’s best for Sonny.  You should figure out what’s best for you.”  Then he walked out the door.  Uh, Jase?  What kind of bodyguard are you if you leave poor babe-in-the-mafia Sam in the penthouse all by her lonesome?  Proving that he should have stuck around, Faith walked through the door moments later threatening Sam and offering advice.  I laughed when Jason left, chuckled over Faith’s love advice to Sam about holding onto Sonny, and huffed at Sam’s wide eyed acceptance of Faith’s suggestions.  Suggestions which were surprisingly on target in the rigid world of Sonny.  “Hop to whenever Sonny issues an order.  Don’t eavesdrop.  Look gorgeous at all times.”  There ya go - how to keep your Mafia Man on a tight leash. 

Sam asks Jason to ask Sonny if he likes her and wants to go steady. 


Surprisingly, Sam, who has been at odds with every other woman on the canvas,

accepts love advice from Faith.  And she looked darned fine following it. 

I wish I had the body (meaning the chest) and presence to pull off a top like this.

Alas, I am but a mere mortal. 

Sam has provided weekly entertainment and I’ve made fun of her (hopefully in a nice way), but I have to say I enjoyed her scene with Sonny when she told him, “Sonny, I’m in way too deep.  I’m falling in love with you.  I can’t believe I just said that.”  It was honest.  I’m not jumping on the Sonny/Sam bandwagon.  To me, Sonny uses Sam like anesthetic for his pain over Carly but I liked that Sam took responsibility for her feelings without depending on the validation of Sonny’s declaration of love in return.  It’s the most mature I’ve seen from Sam since she began bed hopping between Jax and Sonny.

Mark it on the calendar.

Sam’s honest, mature moment. 

OK, I try not to bore you with incessant gushing over Jason, but I find I must this week.  Borg, robot, parody are a few names bandied about describing Jason.  They all fly out the window when he does tender which is part of what draws me into scenes with Jason and Emily and Jason and Courtney.  I like Jason.  I particularly like that his character remains true to form.  He doesn’t enjoy babysitting Sonny’s women, he kills on Sonny’s orders, but show me tender, honest Jason and my insides melt.  It’s not reasonable or sensible, but it’s true for me.  Hopefully, it’s true for everyone else out there.  Not necessarily with Jason, but for whatever characters hit buttons deep inside you drawing your full attention to the TV screen when you see or hear their voice.  Other than the pure fun of telling an ongoing story, it’s the characters I react to on an emotional level that make me stick to GH.


Think to yourself, “Kathy’s a sap.”  Now move on. 

It wasn’t a bench on the docks, but hunting for car keys in front of Kelly’s.  That’s where Liz spilled her inner angst to Jason regarding Ric.  I knew she’d have to tell all and blame herself to P.C.’s resident therapist for the lovelorn before disappearing into maternity leave.

Liz searches her purse for a quarter to pay Jason for a

quick counseling session on her problems with Ric. 

I sentence Ric to a straight jacket in a little white room with nonstop country music piped in played backwards.  Since he blames Sonny for every wrong in his life, maybe, like the joke goes, if he hears the music played backwards over and over he’ll get his wife back, have a happy childhood, and repair his personality.  A small (very small) part of me sees that Ric is tormented and unable to deal with the hurts he’s suffered in his life.  However, the biggest part of me fills with contempt whenever his face slides onto my screen.  Liz caused Ric’s latest pain by leaving him because she can’t trust him (Can we say kidnapping and panic room?) not to lose his sanity when it comes wreaking havoc on Sonny.  In response, Ric, following the path Liz predicted, pushed his way into the penthouse to belittle Sam and threaten Sonny.  Next, Ric tried to insinuate himself next to Alexis to pump her for Sonny info.  Where, oh where will it end?  Maybe with Sam as he tries to put the moves on Sonny’s new squeeze.  I think Ric gets turned on by women who find him contemptible.


Ric tries to act hurt.  “I can’t believe you don’t trust me, Elizabeth.”

Conning Liz didn’t work so he tried insulting Sam.

It’s all in a day’s work for a low life like Ric. 


Feeling cocky, Ric attempted to bully Sonny and then con Alexis.

It was a busy week for twisted men in suits. 

Whether or not Emily tickles your character fancy, Natalia Livingston deserves credit for her ability to cry.  The tears have been trickling down her cheeks since mid February when she thought invincible Niko might be a crispy critter in the hotel fire.  For months previously her main role consisted of throwing her arms around her princely pirate playing kissy face.  Like a trooper she takes the material handed to her and plays it.  I am looking forward to Emily finding ConNik and Nik not recognizing her.  The story has potential to be long term and interesting.


And here we see Emily crying…and crying…and crying… 

Georgie’s nekkid debut on the internet slid into a mere storyline blip.  Out of town with Maxie looking at colleges, the story evolved into Tracey’s blackmailing scheme for Dillon’s ELQ vote.  For a change, Dillon refused to believe that Sage was innocent and Tracey admitted to the plan without remorse.  Not only was it appalling for Tracey to devise the scheme using teenagers Sage and Georgie, it was even worse that Sage and Georgie didn’t count in her mind.  Making the silliness worth viewing were the scenes on Friday as Tracey showed up at Georgie’s house and shook her wet umbrella in Felicia’s face and Felicia whacking Tracey on the behind with a broom as she shooed her out the door.  It seems funnier somehow when the drama unexpectedly turns into comedy.  I’d like more parental conflict, please.


Tracey gives motherhood a bad name. 


Mixing up her Wizard of Oz lore, Tracey shook water on Felicia to see

if she’d melt and go away.

Felicia caught on quickly and whacked Tracey with her broom to teach her a lesson. 

Even knowing it was coming, the how-could-yous ran through my mind when Edward dumped Skye from the Q’s.  Again.  How can he be so dedicated to his family and horrible at the same time?  Why is Skye always unworthy of carrying the Quartermaine name, but Edward accepts Emily unconditionally?  Maybe Emily remains safe from Edward’s manipulations because she’s a child in his mind and no threat to his position at ELQ.  I felt Skye’s pain as she sat on the couch being told by Edward that she doesn’t count and again on the Haunted Star as she debated over the drink she finally swallowed.  Luke, true to form watched without comment as she threw her sobriety away in a couple gulps of vodka.


Edward tells Skye he stickin’ it to her.

Skye informs Luke that she’d like to stick it to all men.

Prophetic words. 

Quick hits of funny: 

-         Dillon’s outraged, put out face as he hid behind the desk listening to Mac tell Felicia how bad Dillon is for Georgie.

Hey!  Don’t talk about me like I’m not in the room! 

-         Does every basement in Port Charles flood?  Poor klutzy Alkie might drown in a couple inches of water.

Drowning in two inches of water is like falling into the toilet. 

-     Jax, white knight as always, showed up and immediately tried to rescue Skye by persuading Alexis to make a case for her with the Quartermaine’s.

-         Mary is willing to makeover Nik’s life but “she can’t make love to a stranger.”

-         Carly’s expression after she bashed Lorenzo on the head.

-         Sonny’s expression as he and Sam pretzelled through the door into the penthouse and Michael said “Hi Daddy.”

“Oh, Sh*t!

No contest, this is the best expression I’ve seen from Sonny in a long time! 

The anticipation builds as we trek towards May sweeps.  It’s fun to watch the storylines spin and weave as they set up for whatever drama the writer’s and actor’s produce for our viewing entertainment.  A few caught my eye and intrigued my constantly plotting imagination. 

Sonny cuts Courtney out of his life....and Jason signs the Divorce Papers.  (GHFF)

This sounds suspiciously like a Jason and Sonny United Front Big Ignore.  Designed to cut the ignoree to the quick as he/she futilely bangs his/her head on the brick wall that is Sonny and Jason.  They did it to Robin, who left for Paris.  The last Big Ignore sent FBI agent Hannah to a new assignment far, far away.  Not that I think Courtney is leaving.  I’m hoping that she breaks their Big Ignore with a new concept called “So what if you ignore me.  I am going to live my life anyway.  Crawl if you want me.” 

Ric makes a move on Sam.  (GHFF)

My first reaction is where I make a distasteful face and say, “Ewwww!”  My second reaction calls for an eye roll.  He’s already put the moves on Carly and tried to force Courtney into an engagement.  Talk about a psycho/sicko with a pattern! 

Skye goes on a binge and wakes up to find a dead body in her bed.  (GHFF)

Skye should try binging on chocolate.  All she’d end up with is a sugar high headache and tight pants.  Waking up next to a dead guy doesn’t sound very appealing even though she crawled under the covers with her real life husband.     

Jason gets a roommate!  Its "pregnant Sam"!  (GHH2)

If they play this funny (I hate to say it…but like Brenda and Jason) then Sam’s pregnancy could be enjoyable to watch.  I wonder if she’ll make it to November sweeps or lose the baby?  You think this will teach Sonny to keep his DNA to himself?  He’s going to have more children running around Port Fertile Chuck than Edward. 

Look for 3rd parties to complicate matters for both Courtney and Jason, including her choice in allies.  (GHH2)

I bet the Journey fans are lovin’ this spoiler which implies that even though Jason signs the divorce papers, Jason and Courtney aren’t totally finished. 

I received a funny e-mail this week from a reader who enjoys participating in games.  Bored one evening, she came up with a game of her own and sent me the results of her spinning fertile imagination.  Following are B-rated movie titles starring our favorite GH characters.  She gave me a good laugh which I always appreciate.  Thanks, Lisa! 

Kung Foo Courtney Attacks The Borg!

(a B-movie monster flick crossing the Power Rangers with Star Trek!)

Count Nicolas the Bloody!
(a good horror movie about a vampire and his lusting after an innocent virgin country girl named Emily)

MI-6: Twin Damage!

(a British spy thriller starring Lorenzo Alcazar and Skye Quartermaine as a spy supercouple with intrigue and thrills galore)

The Streets of Port Charles!
(a cop drama/comedy starring PCPD's Favorite cop Lucky Spencer who is working the beat and is introduced to a new female partner Maxie Jones)

RockStar 2!

(a straight-to-video release starring Ned Ashton about a washed up rocker who tries to get his singing  career back into gear with love and rock n' roll)

McCall's IMAX Underwater Adventure!
(a visually amazing IMAX movie with PC's favorite scuba diver Sam McCall who explores the depths of the PC harbor looking for treasure)

The Next Apprentice!  (Made for TV)
(we get to see Donald Trump "Get Fired" and replaced by Jasper Jax) 

And finally, I offer you a link to an excellent soapy site.  Recently remodeled and updated, has tons of unique pictures of soap stars, past and present, by photographer Jim Warren.   As always, courtesy counts.  Go to the site, look, enjoy.  And if you copy and paste to use a picture somewhere else, provide photo credit and a link.  Please do not use language that implies you own the picture or add a site logo to his work. 

By accident, I saw a few minutes of John Ingle as Mickey on “One Life to Live” on Friday.  My mind saw Edward Quartermaine and it took me a few minutes to grasp that Mickey seems much nicer than Edward.  No matter what, John Ingle is a class act and it was nice to see him on my screen even out of context with characters I didn’t recognize.    

Reading through my latest GH thoughts I am struck by my disjointed ramblings.  Blame it on a chocolate and deviled eggs overdose.  (No, I didn’t eat them together.)  The Easter Bunny visited my house and left way too much chocolate candy, jellybeans and little gifts.  Right now I am listening to and enjoying a new CD called “no angel” by Dido which came in my basket along with smell good body wash and a new book.  The Easter Bunny leaves baskets for everyone in my family including adults.  I find the Easter Bunny experience to be more fun that way.  And since I AM the Easter Bunny, I make the Easter Bunny rules.  May your week fly by in a glorious rush of miracles and internal peace no matter what the circumstances of your life.  In world filled with chaos, I hope you choose happy.  Take care.  Thanks for reading. 


Dare to be red in a field of yellow. 

Three cheers for fun screen caps!  Thanks, Terry. 

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