January 4, 2005

Well heck, time has flown by again.  One minute itís almost Thanksgiving and the next itís 2005.  Iíd ask how that happened but then Iíd have to address weighty issues like why I canít remember what I actually did during all those days besides bake 100,000 cookies.  No more baking for me for a loooonnnngggg time!  Boy have I missed writing while Iíve been lost in the Land of Holiday Hoopla 

Know what I like about November sweeps?  Itís that February sweeps are creeping up faster than we can say, ďMerry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Solstice, Feliz Navidad, Happy New Year, Happy Birthday and Happy Martin Luther King Day.Ē  (Iíll admit Iím still shaking off the holiday blitz.) 

Acting has never been my passion but Iíve always harbored a secret yearning to be Kellyís Diner No. 2 or Nurse standing at Nurseís Station or, my favorite, cashier behind counter when Dillon performed his condom spiel.  But now my wish has changed and I wish I couldíve been an extra at the masquerade ball.  Just think, hair, make up, retro cool costume.  Iíd even enjoy being a server and wearing a plate on my head so I could stand in the middle of the ball and watch the actors do their stuff.  Outlandish is fun once in a while!  In an amazing display of restraint the entire shebang made it till the last scene on Friday without a dead body, a fire, roof or chandeliers falling, fisticuffs or shots fired.  Diego pulled his gun on Lorenzo which will play out Monday, but Iím hoping for a peaceful resolution. 

See the lady in the back with a plate on her head?

That couldíve been me. 

In my neck of the woods, Iím seeing Fun in the Sun soap spots with several of the ABC soap stars including Ignacio Serricchio, Diego, who comes across as a fun, savvy guy.  Why canít he be allowed to play fun and savvy on GH?  Because when I watch Diego, I see a kid who isnít too bright, as in the wheel spins but the hamster canít figure out how to jump on and off.  I think Iím supposed to see a tough, defiant teenager who hasnít caught a lot of breaks, but itís not working for me. 

The only caption I can think of is ďDuhĒ.

Sorry Diego, I try hard to like the characters. 

Also not working for me is Courtneyís new child expert status.  Excuse me, but when did she have time to become an authority on adoption laws and teenagers?  As far as I can tell, she runs around with Jax all the time, spilling secrets.  ďIíll keep your huge, life altering secret,Ē Courtney assured Maria.  Next scene Jax appeared and about three words in Courtney informed Jax that Maria is Diegoís mother.  Way to keep a confidence Courtney.  She and Grace, the social worker who placed Diego in Courtneyís care in her one bed apartment, probably purchased the same instant expert class from the Home Shopping Network called ďThe ABCís of How To Make It Up As You Go Along In Social WorkĒ. 

So I havenít been feeliní much Courtney-like (Iíd say Courtney Love but that would take me in a whole other direction) except that she looked exceedingly hip at the masquerade ball.  Did I mention that I loved the costumes and make up?  I did except there were a couple funnies thrown in.  Carly had black weeds growing up around her waist that she kept having to beat back.  Lois could barely walk in her dress which couldnít have been comfortable for hours and hours while they filmed the scenes.  Bobbi looked hot; Skye embodies elegance no matter what she wears; Ric was the hippest guy on the floor; Lucky with gray/blue hair can dance with me any time any day; and Dillon and Georgie looked perfect, like cool kids at a masquerade ball.  Looking at all the makeup and hair products I couldnít help but wonder what people thought as the actors left the studio for the day and went home to wash all the gunk off.  I bet it took a while to clean up.  Alexis is lucky that she has Ric to tease the drag out of her via champagne, kisses and dancing. 

Warrior princess. 

Címon GH, give Ďem more airtime! 

Bet it took a bottle of shampoo to wash the hair products out. 

A kiss that makes us go hmmm. 

Itís taken me almost two years but Iím finally warming up to Ric.  Since he locked Carly in the panic room and drugged Liz, no matter what motives he revealed, I didnít trust him and considered him too flawed for character redemption.  I still hate that heís a corrupt D.A. with an agenda who committed a horrific crime and never paid, but I find myself once again looking for reasons to like him.  Thatís progress.  If he keeps wearing cool clothes like his suit and shades at the masquerade ball, I might like him even faster.  Hey, I never said I wasnít shallow.  Itís a soap, looks count.

Heís hip, heís cool, heís definitely not a drag. 

A soap is also about a meandering path that invites us to walk down it.  Have you ever heard Jeff Foxworthy do his comedy act when he asks a fellow for directions and the man replies, ďYou canít get there from here.  You have to go down to 22nd Street and hang a left.Ē (Or something like that.)  Well, itís the storytellerís job to guide me from here to there.  If Ric chains a pregnant woman in a panic room with the intention of stealing her baby and killing her, he gets the evil, warped, psycho label.  He canít maneuver out of charges and become the D.A. and then become a likable guy.  Doesnít work.  I canít walk down that path and feel what Iím supposed to feel.  Anyone who has walked a while with GH understands that Luke loves Laura and always will.  So one day Luke can begin romancing Skye because heís gradually moving forward with his life and the next he can be throwing drinks and yelling at Lucky because heíll always grieve for Laura.  Looky there, I walked the path with him and I can understand and accept his emotional about faces.  Jason changed from Emotional Anchor Boy for the Qís to Anger Boy for Sonny and we walked the path with him.  Agree or disagree with his actions, we understand that heís fought to be his own person since the brain injury rearranged his gray matter.  Lots of characters can claim a long and twisty path with significant mile markers posted along the way.  Itís when Iím struggling to walk along with a character and thereís a sudden emotional chasm that throws me.  For example, ďHi Iím Felicia, loving wife and mother.Ē  Chasm.  ďHi, Iím Felicia.  Iím in love with Luke and I donít care about my children.Ē  Huh?   I canít get there from here.  Or more recently, ďHi Iím John Durant and Iím too ambitious to pursue a family.Ē  Two episodes later Ė Chasm.  ďHi, Iím John Durant and I love my daughter and will do anything for her including buying her a home with a faulty roof.Ē  OK, the roof probably wasnít his fault.    

Anyway, my long winded spiel started out as a compliment because I think GH has been doing a good job lately of moving me from here to there.  Sonny and Carly have separated and are seeking divorce.  I appreciate that itís not filled with anger and vengeance this time.  Instead weíre treated to teasing, conversations replete with caring, Sonny flirting with dimples and independent Carly calmer than smooth jazz late at night.  Itís far different than their last divorce but itís OK, because I walked with them and understand that while the love hasnít diminished, they believe they canít make their lives mesh. 

Sonny was left with allll his children while the mommies went out to play on New Yearís Eve.  Talk about poetic justice.  Carly made me laugh when she relished dumping the kids on Sonny and smirked at Stephen, ďSee, divorce can be fun.Ē  Sonny made a gallant effort but all was not smooth in the penthouse of youthful bedlam.  A friend noted that itís a good thing Jason doesnít lock his door or Sonny might hurt himself running into it which made me laugh.  Sonny bravely, without flinching, took on all his children but Jason had to dash over and put Morgan and Kristina to bed, decipher Michaelís motivations for breaking glass, and clean up the penthouse and itís not like Sonny scooted over to help because he was too busy explaining the grieving process to Sam.  Now I donít want to imply that Sonny, most powerful MOB boss on the Eastern Seaboard, is incompetent as Daddy-In-Charge but when the monkeys in the peanut gallery start throwing peanuts maybe thereís a message in there.

 

It wasnít the kids that got to Sonny,

It was wearing his shirt untucked with a stain on it. 

Sam is indeed filling the hole in her life from the death of her baby with Bridgetís baby but her motivations are clear even to her.  She has love to give.  She wants a baby.  Look what fell into her arms!  And no, I donít mean Jason but wasnít that a nice kiss he planted on her for New Yearís?  Jason kisses like heís worshiping the mouth of the woman heís with and itís not gooey or soppy.  Donít faint, but Jax is a great soapy kisser also.  Hey, giving credit where itís due even though Jax doesnít float my boat as a romantic leading man.

Throw in a kiss every 6 months or so and Iím hooked. 

I guess I should talk about Nikolas and Emily (she says dragging her fingers over the keyboard).  Since the beginning when Emily was betraying Zander, a part of me has loved the romance between Emily and Nikolas.  They have a feel of love thatís bigger than life.  That being said, they have the most ridiculous storylines on the show.  There is no path with Emily and Nikolas, itís more like trying to do the Macarena to classical music.  For example, Connor threatened to tattle to the cops that Nikolas threw Helena off the cliff.  Nikolas, showing a previously hidden death wish, solved the problem by confessing not only to throwing her off the cliff but doing it without regret.  Now it would be OK to admit that to Emily, maybe even Mac, but itís pretty darn dumb to say it to the sentencing judge.  Emily hasnít been much better.  Aware of her bigger than life love with Nikolas she feels entitled to special treatment.  Rules donít apply to them because well, because theyíre motivated by the big ďLĒ so everyone else should step away from the banquet of unquenchable passion and leave them alone.  Like when Emily begged unconscious Connor not to tell on Niko because really, what harm did he do throwing his Granny off a cliff?  No one liked her anyway.  Donít even get me started on the curse and the Garden of Aphrodite.  And how did we know it was the Garden of Aphrodite?  Why because a convenient Greek sign left in the cave said it was the Garden of Aphrodite.  Oops, sorry, I wasnít going revisit the Garden of Aphrodite.  Let me just tiptoe through the tulips right on out of commentary about Nikolas and Emily and their epic love.

Look closely.

Donít these faces shout ďepic loveĒ to you? 

Emily has provided a couple laughs the past few weeks.  When Luke informed her that Helena must be alive because there was no body Emily latched on to his theory like it was an incredible new piece of information that the body was MIA.  On Friday, I loved Emilyís dress at the ball and I laughed when Luke pulled the mask off the Helena clone and Emilyís mouth dropped open but no sound came out.   

Plaintively, I ask, ďWhere are all the Quartermaine's?Ē  Heather was hauled off to the loony bin and the Qís disappeared except for the Traceyís occasional foray into Dillonís life.

Tracey, the only Q with a social life. 

Too bad Mrs. MaGillacutty was one dayís entertainment.  Wouldnít it be funny if she lived next door to Carly and spent her time spying on her and reporting her actions to the PCPD as her civic duty?  At first, in the MaGillacutty scenes I assumed Ric was up to no good appearing to take Carlyís side by saying that she was working with the PCPD.  However, no twisted ulterior motive guided him; he simply found it amusing that Carly might attach herself to Stephen Weber, forensic expert and PCPD consultant.  Another of Sonnyís lovers who left him and latched onto a crime fighting love interest. 

Mrs. MaGillacutty watches ďThe SopranosĒ.

She knows a MOB threat when she hears it. 

Have you noticed the new uniformed cop in town?  That would be Mykel, winner of SoapNetís ďI Wanna Be A SoapstarĒ.  Iím pointing him out because I want to give GH credit for allowing him a couple lines and to show up in scenes.  Maybe he can act, maybe he canít Ė we havenít been offered an opportunity to see him in action.  Each time he comes on though I keep looking, hoping, wishing for a Taggert type vibe because it would be nice to have at least one law abiding crime fighter other than Mac in Port Crimefest Chuck who doesnít bend the rules for the people he likes or dislikes (ahem, Lucky and Ric). 

I want a couple good guys I can count on. 

Thatís it for me.  I could probably let my fingers ramble for a couple more pages but then this would be another column, partially completed, that I never send to Katrina.  I donít make New Yearís resolutions so I canít offer any emphatic declarations about changing my life.  Iíd like to lose 8 pounds.  I wish I was better organized.  I dream about a set amount of writing time each day.  But I know that if it wasnít happening December 31, 2004, itís not amazingly going to manifest on January 1, 2005.  All I can do is keep putting forth my best effort.  I wish you success with your best effort whatever it may be.  Happy first week of January.  Letís all heave a big sigh that the holidayís have flown by once again and we survived the melee.  Thanks for reading. 

Thanks for the great pic, Erica! 

Screen caps courtesy of W2W GH Screencaps III

Kathy




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Kathy Hardeman with
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  Thanks to Woman2Woman GH Screencaps II for the screen cap