By Carolyn Aspenson
Iím sitting here in LAX airport, the
international terminal trying to get my brain moving in the right
direction. Iím hopeful this will be the best column Iíve written. Iím
feeling all sorts of huge pressure because I met so many people who read
my stuff. Ugh! Iím not sure I can handle that! Not one person said
anything negative about what I write. Iím sure they were thinking it, but
none said it, so I consider that success! Oh, wait! One person did say she
wouldnít read my ďBuh Bye Zander, Hello NikolasĒ column because sheís a
ZEM fan. Oh well, I still consider my columns a success! But I really do
feel all sorts of pressure right now! But if youíve read any of my
columns, you know I donít go into a whole lot of specific detail so if
youíre looking for a blow by blow recap of the event, make sure to read
Kathyís comments. You know Kathy, she always details the specifics. Hey,
anyone see Billy Warlock lately?
First and foremost, it is with great pride and a humongous sense of
satisfaction that I can tell all of you,
I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! I
But if you read Sherryís commentary,
you probably already knew that, didnít you? I am so proud! Okay. Okay! I
confess, I knew I would do it! I happen to agree with my husband. There
are times when I can do and say anything simply for effect and this was
certainly one of them. Katrina has a digital picture of Ted Kings reaction
that is absolutely precious! You are going to love it! Folks, this is the
real story. ANY additional descriptives Katrina or Kathy may put in any of
their columns about me and Ted or me at all during the event are just pure
lies! Lies! All of them! I sat in my room most of the time playing
computer games! Honest! But hereís how it went.
I made sure to be one of the first in Ted Kings line. And thank God I did
because they had to move him to another area due to the amount of women
who thought they had a chance to steal him away from me! Pfft! Heís mine
ladies! There are plenty of other attractive men at GH for you! Needless
to say, I am so glad I got there when I did because as I continued to
stalk his table, I often heard other women make reference to the episode
of Sex and the City. Of course, I did it first! I simply said,ďHi. I donít
really need an autograph but I would like a picture.Ē He said sure,
because whatís he going to do? Say no? So as I stood next to him, wishing
Iíd brought the super glue and stuck it on my back before he placed his
wonderful hand on it, I said, ďI do have a question for youĒ He turned and
looked down at me (The guy is the perfect height!) and I said ďDoes it
really look bigger when you shave?Ē
His jaw dropped and he smiled, rubbing his chin, with a tinge of red on
his precious cheeks!
I of course showed all the tact in the world and bust a gut laughing
profusely! So much for class Carolyn!
His comment to me was ďYou donít know how much flack Iíve gotten for that!
But I had to do it. I read the script and it was just too funny.Ē In
response, with all the class I could muster up I moaned and babbled and
giggled like my eleven year old and then he said ďThere is a lady on the
show who always gives me a hard time about that too. You know her as
Courtney.Ē I am now a Courtney fan! I said something stupid in this
conversation at some point about him now being with the US goddess of sex,
Kim Cattrall. He said that was a definite plus. I wanted to say, ďNice
ass.Ē but the words just wouldnít come! For those of you who didnít read
my column about this or didnít see the episode, he was naked in it and we
all got a lovely view of his well built, nicely toned butt! I wanted so
badly for my hand to slip down from around his waist to give the bum a
squeeze but I just couldnít muster up the courage. Sure, I was feeling all
coy and smart but the daringness had been stuffed back into itís rightful
So after I stopped idiotically giggling I said I was glad heís back on GH
and that I really was bummed when his character Andy, was killed off on
Charmed. He told me, ďYes, but Iím much happier here.Ē And I was much
happier there too. Standing right next to him, that is.
Ted King was very pleasant. He dressed better than anyone else at the
event, in a nice blackish gray suit, minus the Alcazar gaudy jewelry. I
wanted to tell him to cut the growing mullet but Iíd used up all the
strength my kahunas could muster for the moment!
Next to Ted was the other most sexiest man on the show, none other than
Blake Gibbons! Kathy and I scraped Katrina off the floor, mumbled words of
encouragement and off she went, giggling like a preteen having a picture
taken with Justin Timberlake! She grabbed on to Blake and smiled from ear
to ear as cameras snapped. After Kathy and I closed our camera lenses we
had to band together and with all the strength we could gather in strappy
shoes, pull Katrina off of Blake! Damn her for not telling me SHE had the
super glue! Iíll never forgive her for that one!
Blake was an absolute sweetheart! The tough guy brought his mother and
father to the event! How sweet is that? And his father is very, very
attractive. With all due respect to his mother, I have absolutely no clue
what she looked like because I had Blake in front of me, his hottie dad to
the right and Ted King to the left. My eyes simply would not focus on
anyone else. Thereís only so much I can do, you know? Has anyone seen
I was also lucky enough to talk for quite a bit with John J. York. Ladies,
the man needs a storyline! He needs to have some sex. Lots and lots of
sex. He is so amazingly sexy I was close to rethinking this Ted King
thing! He was like candy! Gooey, rich chocolate that you take slowly into
your mouth and enjoy every single solitary second of with no real regrets
later, except that there simply wasnít enough. OH, I should write romance
novels! The double meaning there wasnít intentional, honest! In all
seriousness, he clued me into something that didnít really sink in until
later. For all of you who write to the study, donít simply write to TPTB.
The popularity of an actor is tabulated by the amount of fan mail the
particular actor gets. So if you like Mac, like I like Mac, write to him
at the studio! The more letters he gets, the more popular he is and the
more airtime he gets! Guess that shows us whoís getting all the fan mail,
huh? Cross out Maurice Benard and write John J. York. Whereís Billy? We
just couldnít find him anywhere, but boy oh boy the rumorville was
By the way, other stars mentioned the same thing to me, about the writing
to the character, that is. As a matter of fact, John Ingle (Edward
Quartermaine made mention of the Quartermaine lack of storyline several
times. Many, many times! Even in the beginning of the luncheon, when he
played MC, he noted, when talking about Sonny and Carly, ďThese young
people who work hard every single day.Ē He repeated Ďevery single dayí
several times. Point taken Mr. Ingle. Iím writing that letter this week!
When I sat and talked with Mr. Ingle, after offering to be his lover since
Faith has turned to Ric, which he politely declined (meanie!) he discussed
how frustrating the storylines are and how so many good actors arenít
getting any storyline. He asked that anyone and everyone write. We asked
if it worked, he said it did. He said he was very impressed with the cake
and balloons the Liason fans sent. He mentioned that everyone saw it, they
actually brought it up on stage, sliced it up and ate it! Now, Iím not so
sure that worked because Jason is still with Courtney, but our avid
reporter, Kathy Hardeman did manage to get Steve to tell her that there
are some excellent Liason scenes coming up soon. It may not be a love
connection, but itís something. And, you never know...with this car
incident and all the stuff Courtney is going through, perhaps Liason has a
one night stand and wa la! Baby Morgan! You just never know! Still looking
for Billy Warlock! Anyone see him around?
I lectured Wally Kurth. He was shocked and embarrassed and I felt very bad
about that! I told him Iíd sent several letters begging and pleading for
an interview but he neglected to contact me! He felt plum-awful about it
and said heíd be happy to give me one. Hmm...I liked the sound of that.
Oh, wait. Reality. Itís an interview heíd be happy to give me! Shoot! I
hate it when I automatically go into my fantasy world! He was so sexy with
those dimples. My son has dimples. I wonder if women will think heís sweet
and sexy. I hope not! Heís mine and Iím going to be the typical mother in
law so all you young four year old girls out there having your mommyís
this column, LOOK OUT! Sorry, got a bit carried away there.
Notice how Iíve only mentioned the men of GH so far? Do you think I
actually took any time to meet any of the women? Pfft! Youíre wrong! I
did! So there! Geez, what do you think I am? Iíve got children! Iím a
happily married woman! Oh crud! I did see women but I have no proof
because all my pictures are with the men! Why waste the film? I know what
I want! I want pictures of me with hot men. I may be faithful but Iím not
The first woman I went to I swear I scared the Ďyou know whatí out of!
Whereís that Kung Fu kickin, body guard gashiní boat jumper gal now, huh?
Actually, it was quite funny but I didnít intend for what I said to come
out like it did.
Let me premise, we all know I am not a big Courtney fan. I liked her with
AJ and I like Alicia Willis, but Iím stuck in the rut of Courtney -
inconsistency. She has no true character. One minute, naive, the next,
butt kickin. I canít follow.
So I walk up to her and I said, ďI donít want an autograph or a picture. I
just have three things to say to you.Ē The look of fear on her face made
even me feel terrible but to be honest, I did get a good giggle about it
She said ďWhat?Ē with a look of pure horror on her face.
ďEvery time I see you I think of Frosted Flakes and Pizza Hut.Ē
She cracked up. I think she felt safe and didnít consider me one of those
rare stalker like people that her parents warned her about when she became
ďAlso, Ted King told me you give him a lot of grief about his episode of
Sex and the City. I had to ask him if it really does look bigger when he
shaves and he brought up your comments.Ē
She cracked up again. With an honest smile and a sense of relief even I
felt. It was nice. I told her that I really like her acting abilities but
that I thought the AJ and Courtney storyline was great and she had so much
more to work with in that. She actually agreed. I found that to be
interesting. But then again, whatís she going to do, say, ďOh, that
sucked. I like working in the fab four much better. Itís more cash in my
pocket.Ē I donít think so. She was extremely gracious and very nice and I
have to say, I really do like Alicia Willis and Iím going to try to not be
so close minded about Courtney and Jason. Maybe. Baby steps. Thatís all I
can do is take baby steps.
At some point I had to pee. Itís what I do. When
I walked out to the rest rooms, I saw ďTacky GH luncheon party crasher
#1Ē. It did not impress me. Outside the ballroom sat Marissa Rameriz, clad
in tight jeans and a soft pink spaghetti strapped tight shirt. Hello!
Didnít you leave the show? Didnít you have some big primetime Miracle that
didnít end up being such a miracle after all? And I remember the nasty
comments you made about GH after you left so I highly doubt you were
invited here honey! I walked by her and gave her a ďPFFT!Ē look that could
ignite a match.
Shortly thereafter I felt the need to scurry up to NuGia, whom I happen to
enjoy watching very much. Let me tell you this lady is all about class!
Sitting in the chair less than two feet from her was, none other than.
Yup. You guess it!
Can you say TACKY?
I thought that was incredibly tacky. Incredibly! She sat right next to
Leticia and Michael, whom I donít think she shared even one scene with as
Gia. Who knows, maybe sheís their best friend but I thought it was mighty
inappropriate and of course, since Iíd grow kahunas the size of
grapefruits, I made mention of that little fact to Andrea Pearson. She
handled it like a pro, agreeing with me but without words. I told her I
thought Gia would be pregnant with Zanders baby and she said sheíd heard
that a few times. I also
told her I wanted to come back and talk later because the walls had ears.
She agreed. I did and we chatted for quite a bit. I think sheís doing an
amazing job with Gia, though we donít see a lot of her! She agreed with
the lack of exposure, so again, if you like the character, write the actor
a letter and send it to the studio. I asked if I could interview her so
letís hope Iíve got something to post soon. All in all, I was very
impressed with her composure in such an odd situation. But, I still canít
figure out where Billy is!
I thought I saw him around a corner, but when I went and looked, there was
simply a shadow...
Chad Brannon is a doll. Ugh. I didnít need to know he was nice because Iím
frustrated with his character and the ďEmily this, Emily thatĒ problem he
has. Put him with Gia and I see sparks. Emily? Nope. Sorry, sheís a
Nikístr all the way!
At the point of meeting Chad, I was parched. I kept eyeing his pitcher of
water to no avail. I finally decided to pump up the kahunas and said ďCan
I have that? pointing to the water. He was so gracious he actually
poured me a glass of water! Point for Chad! Personally, on TV I always
thought he looked thicker than he really is. Not that I thought he was
over weight by any means, just
thicker. He and Wally Kurth are both slim in the waist and frankly, it
ticks me off. No man should have a smaller waist than me. Life is not
meant to work like that.
Now folks, I want to clear up any confusion you might be feeling with
respect to anything Katrina or Kathy might have said about me and Scott
Egan. You know those two, they tend to exaggerate the facts. Blow
everything out of proportion. Make a big deal out of nothing, etc. etc.
Scott Egan does NOT want me!
Well, maybe just a little.
Friday night we sat out at the pool and Katrina saw him posing for
pictures. She grabbed us, pulled us over and literally pushed me into
Scott. Iím confident he had to maintain his balance because her shove was
so powerful I almost knocked him over! We had our picture taken and his
because of him, I walked around with the biggest frigginí ego, stars
included, at the event! He told me I had beautiful eyes. Okay, now I know
you think Iím all full of crass comments and that I can say whatever,
considering I mentioned Ted
Kings weenie and all, but this truly stumped me. I could barely make eye
contact with the guy! How embarrassing! Afterwards I thought of at least
1,000 great comebacks but of course, it was too late. Donít you just hate
when that happens? Scott and I chatted and he said to write write write
him some letters so he gets exposure and a storyline! He also asked that
we all cheer for him loudly when they announce the actors at the luncheon.
In all honesty, he got the biggest screams, applause and howls of the day.
of course when Robert and Sean came on. That took the ďbest applauseĒ
award for the day. Billy might have got an award but he was no where to be
At the luncheon itself I approached Scott and said Iíd cheered as loud as
I could. He hugged me and told me I was the sexiest woman heíd seen. Iím
not sure if he meant Ďeverí like in his whole life or just in the past 4
minutes. No worries though. I didnít need to know the truth.
All flirting aside, Scott Egan is a wonderfully personable man and sexy as
all get out! As much as I love my husband, who is just as sexy, actually
more sexy in my eyes, it was a huge ego boost to sit and talk with Scott
the four or five times I did. He is simply mesmerizing. As a matter of
fact, Ms. Katrina was all flustered in his presence, which was quite
entertaining to watch! Scott was quite impressed with what I said to Ted
King! I think he thinks Iíve got kahunas too!
I realize that EOS shows no favoritism toward a specific actor but I am
going to take it upon myself to suggest a write in campaign for Scott. He
is a well loved character but apparently those of us who love him have
lost our pens and paper. Or maybe weíre just out of stamps? Iím not sure
but whatever the reason, letís all start writing to the guy! He deserves a
storyline but asks that any suggestions not include doing anything that
will have Sonny kill him off. No Johnny, no Scott. You get the picture!
No, I did not see Steve Burton and I did not see Maurice Benard. I see
them five days a week and frankly, Iím a bit tired of them. I looked for
Billy Warlock but just couldnít find him anywhere. I thought I saw him
sitting behind Robyn Richards but when I went up to her, I saw it was a
beverage stand. I guess it was just wishful thinking.
Since Jonathan Jackson, my Lucky, wasnít there crashing the event, I
meandered my way over to Greg Vaughnís table. Once the insanely excited
young women let go of him, we had a nice little conversation. He asked
where I was from,etc. I told him I loved him on Charmed and he looked
great as an old guy. (If youíre not a Charmed watcher than youíll just
have to guess at that one!) I told him I missed his other hair and he said
he did too. He couldnít believe I have three children and I did forget to
mention that my daughters are mine by acquisition, not actual biology.
Hey, if someoneís going to give me a compliment, Iím not going to give
them the chance to retract it! He was very sweet and I want to personally
squelch any rumor about him being either drunk or stoned at the event.
Honestly. Having had a brother with a terrible drug problem for 21 years
of my life I know the signs of drunk and/or stoned. Greg Vaughn was
neither. Someone decided to make reference to that and I heard it in
passing and Iím here to tell you it is a flat out lie! He was gracious and
friendly and generally excited to be there. He hugged every woman who came
up to him. And listen folks, for those of you that werenít there, it was
HOT! Iím confident some of those wonderful women did not smell so fresh by
the time they got to Greg. The man is a saint! Billy Warlock must be a
saint too, as in a ghostly one, because he was simply no where to be found
this whole weekend!
My next venture was over to the ever handsome Tyler Christopher. He was
just getting ready to leave so Kathy and I were blessed to be one of the
last few visiting with him. He seemed a bit impatient and being the
wonderfully accommodating woman I am, I decided to jump right in. I simply
asked for a picture, but requested he cry in it because he cries better
than any man Iíve ever seen. Check back with me. Iíll let you know if
there were tears in the photograph! He really was pleasant but other than
nice to meet you, he didnít say much. A man of few words....hmm. He must
be all about action and
I didnít get to meet Robyn Richards but let me tell you, the girlís got a
figure to die for! She wore a cute little bright colored print top and
these totally California white skin tight crop pants. Not one little
dimple of skin to be found. As she walked by me I made mention of
remembering when I had a body like that! Ha! In my dreams! Iíve never had
a body like that! In all honesty, she is much lovelier than represented on
I attended part of Tamara Braun's event but honestly, by the time it
started I was so over the whole event thing I wanted to bolt. She had
Cynthia, Alicia, Dillon and Rick with her and though it was fun, I scooted
out shortly after asking my question. I arrived late because Katrina was
interviewing Scott Egan and I was in the mood of a little ego stroking.
Luckily I went because Katrina was mesmerized and didnít write a whole lot
down. However, as time passes I donít really remember much of the
Tamara Braun is as thin in person as she is on TV and there are a lot of
her personal mannerisms in Carly. I found that interesting because I
didnít notice it with any of the other actors. She didnít, obviously, have
her baby attached to her belly but I did get to ask her about her
characters pregnancy. ďI have three children (again, a biological lie that
no one needs to know!) and with each one, as my stomach grew, so did my
butt. When is Carlyís butt going to grow?Ē
She found that quite funny and said likely when the boobs do, which is
probably never. She said she is often asked by the crew and actors when
sheís going to start wearing falsies, which she then pulls out of her bra
and aggressively throws at them. Ouch! That had to hurt the ego Tamara!
Rick Hearst by the way, is absolutely charming! I think itís quite funny
that he plays this evil man because he is so different than the character.
He basically said, when asked how he justifies doing the things Ric does,
that itís a paycheck and thatís the justification. Makes sense to me! Hey,
we have to remember, this is a SOAP OPERA, itís not real life. How many of
us get to go to our boss and say, ďListen, we have a lot of clients who
depend on me and right now the job youíre making me do isnít sitting well
with them and Iím not going to do it anymore so you need to stop making me
and start making me to something my clients will like.Ē Hello real world!
These are actors and they have families and bills and expenses just like
all of us do.
Well, maybe they have less expenses but who knows.
Tacky Event Crasher #2:
Two Emilies for the price of one! Amber Tamblyn came into the Quartermaine
Brunch and hit us all up to watch her new show. I thought it was quite
tacky and honestly, extremely inappropriate. Sheís on another network and
frankly, there is a new Emily. If we want to watch Amberís show, we all
know how to work our TVís, donít we? Maybe itís because Iím not a fan of
Amber but I still think her parading in all smug and such to tout her new
show on another network lacked class and respect. ĎEnuff said.
A few comments about the events in general. Debby OíConnor and Debbie
Morris were wonderful. They and their staff worked their butts off and did
a fantastic job! I was very impressed with the set up, the elegance of it
all and the presentation. I got a bit bored with the raffle stuff but I
realize there are several people out there who really are into this stuff
and want to bring things home. Iím not like that. I wanted to get a few
pictures, attack Ted King and leave peacefully. I was partly successful!
The two women worked very hard and were very tired but they kept smiling
throughout the whole scope of events and their stars should be very proud
of and thankful for their efforts.
I know that General Hospital is fiction. We all know that. But I guess
when youíre used to calling a person by a staged characters name, you just
canít help but do it when you meet them. I noticed a lot of people doing
that and in all confidence to the actors, several mentioned to me that
itís a bit creepy when people think theyíre actually the character, not
the person. One even told me he was threatened with a slap across the face
at one time. Gotta love that!
Rumors flew about Billy Warlock and each actor asked, except one (not to
be mentioned) said he hadnít been let go. One told me he had so in the
event itís true, I will consider this person to be honest and the others
to be doing what is necessary to keep their jobs! But Iíll respect the
other person much, much more!
I did meet some very lovely fans. I sat at a table at the luncheon with
two nice women whoíd read my column on Rebecca Herbst and liked it, so of
course the added ego stroking made me feel great! Iíd love to mention
their names because I do want to give them a great big thank you but I
CANíT REMEMBER! Iím so sorry to them because they were just so nice and
made a point to say hello to me each time they saw me. For what itís
worth, Iím terrible with names. Really! For example, I often call my dog
my kids names and my kids my cat and dogs names. I hope that relieves me
of any nasty comments!
Now, for the really great stuff. A few comments about Katrina and Kathy.
Was it a bit odd meeting up with two people Iíd never physically met, that
Iíd met only on the creepy internet? Well, frankly, no! It should have
been but having worked closely with them at EOS it was really easy. Kathy
and I hit it off so well we slept together the very first night!
We shared a hotel room people! Get your minds of out the gutter! Geez!
We all got along great and they really are wonderful people. Everyone knew
Katrina either by face or by the website and she should feel immense pride
for all the wonderful compliments she received. For those who donít really
know what goes into a site such as EOS, itís a lot of hard work. And
Katrina comes to bat, hitting home runs every day at EOS. If it werenít
for her and her site, weíd be missing out on a lot of fun! Kathy, on the
other hand. Boy oh boy! She is quite possibly the most positive, most
happy, least judgmental person I have ever met. I hate that! Seriously,
she tries hard to be a good person and sheís successful. There are many,
many people who make the effort but none with the caliber of Kathy. Both
ladies are simply good people. I felt honored and humbled in their
For those of you other writers who didnít get the chance to attend the fan
event Iím sure you will enjoy reading all the juice weíve got to report.
For those of you writers who feel itís necessary to comment negatively
about our attendance and what we may to say we realize itís simply out of
jealousy. We know. Weíve felt it before too. But remember, thereís always
On a side note, my email
firstname.lastname@example.org was linked to a private email address that
wouldnít accept emails from anyone other than those on my address book.
Iíve continued to gripe about not getting emails and now I know why. If
you emailed me and I didnít respond, Iím not rude. Iím simply a computer
idiot. But Iíve fixed that and am hopeful Iíll get an email or two! I
didnít report every incident or every conversation so if you have any
questions Iíll do my best to respond with what I can remember.
Have a great week!
KATRINA: FOR MORE "BUT WHERE'S BILLY??" FUN, CLICK HERE!