Relocating to Florida, having a computer meltdown and recovering from Florida's share of the hurricane action has kept Kelly busy, but here is her latest installment of GH Fan Weekend Recaps!

Behind the Green(room) Door 

Now I know most of you are too young to realize the significance of my column’s title.  Behind the Green Door was an infamous early 70s porn movie featuring an actress by the name of Marilyn Chambers.  It caused quite a sensation because it a) brought blue movies out of the basement and into the mainstream and b) Marilyn had the dubious honor of being a former Ivory Soap Baby turned porn star.  The irony wasn’t lost on anyone. Why is any of this information important?  It’s not – I just happen to have a knack for collecting basically useless knowledge and this was a chance to spit some out. I also thought the play on words was quite pithy – never mind, let’s proceed. 

Green Room – noun. A reception room located within close proximity to the stage where actors and members of their entourages congregate and socialize before making their appearance on stage.  

In other words, GH Fan nirvana. 

When I made plans to go to GHFCW a year ago, I knew that the gang from EOS had been lucky enough to be asked to help out with escorting the stars into the Green Room the year before.  I figured that my odds of being asked to help were basically slim to none.  Debbie Morris needed and wanted seasoned vets who wouldn’t hyperventilate and drool at the sight of a GH’er.  Since I hadn’t attended in the past, I knew that unless someone peed their pants and couldn’t continue at their post there was basically no way in hell that I’d see the inside of the Green Room. 

Someone must’ve peed. 

Now to be fair, me and the rest of the gang were happy to help out at registration that morning.  It was fun to be there and check in everyone and ask who they were there to see.  I have to admit, it was pretty evenly split between all the camps. The stuff that all the different fan clubs were selling was really impressive too.  After helping out all morning, we split up into two groups to go into the luncheon.  Kathy, Katrina and Karen went to check in with Debbie and get their assignments and Dianna and I headed into the ballroom to find our seats. 

The first bit of good news was that Debbie had done really well by us and we were seated right smack up front.  In fact, we were at the table next to the one reserved for the ABC brass – Jill Farren Phelps place card was sitting right there I tell you!  Dianna and I sat down and started to get organized with our pads and pens and cameras.  We didn’t want to miss a minute.  But first, nature was calling.  I headed out to the ladies room right outside and down the hall from the banquet room, waving at Katrina on the way.  As I walked back to the room, I glanced into the Green Room hallway and saw Katrina talking to Dianna.  WTF?  I caught the edge of the door and kind of peeked in – there wasn’t much going on and Katrina saw me and motioned me in.   

Dum, dum dum dum …..DUMMMM 

“Would you mind helping Debbie out by escorting the stars from the parking lot into the Green Room?”  Katrina asked.  Uh, yeah – sure, no problem.  Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm.  One of the Security guards is standing there and Karen, Dianna and I are looking at each other doing the mental high 5s and trying to look cool.  Dianna gets the plum job of bringing in the folks from the back end of the hotel.  She and one of Tyler C’s peeps will be escorting them into the Green room from the back and Karen and I get the front –too cool!!  Oh, but wait.  The stars were TOLD to come in the back so the only ones me and Kar are gonna get are the odd ones that don’t know front from back.  Oh well.  Off we go. 

After following the guard through this winding maze of corridors that literally takes you through the bowels of the hotel, we wind up at the front door – two other nice security dudes are there ready to help us.  They don’t really want to walk the people in, but they need someone to spot the celebs so they know who’s who.  First up – Dr. Thomas himself, Larry Poindexter.  Now thank God that I had the good sense to study up on ALL the names of the various short-timers.  I was even prepared for Leticia to show up (Christine Carlo)  I think Karen was kind of impressed that I knew his name, so I got dibs.  What a nice guy!  We walked and talked all the way into the Green Room (just bear to the right) He mentioned that he had actually worked in a hotel in his younger years – so the less than lovely parts of the place we paraded through didn’t faze him a bit.  After I took him into the Green Room, I tried to find Katrina and check in with her that it was cool to be breathing the same air – and she said, “when you finish up, come on back in here”  - WOOOOO HOOOO!! 

Back to the front where we waited for a few minutes before Scott Clifton pulled up in his PT Cruiser (sorry folks, I didn’t get the plate!) Since I got the first one, Karen took care of Mr. Clifton just fine.  Of course, I know that our Media Ho has a, how shall we say…. soft spot for Little Scotty. So in my infinite generosity I didn’t put up a fuss. As we have discussed at length, the boy IS legal!  I hoped she would appreciate the gesture!!  Next up is Corbin Bernsen who just walks into the lot from somewhere other than the valet area.  Huh?  Oh well, help him out, he’s got a big ass box of stuff he’s carrying.  Hope I can find my way back to the Green Room now – Debbie and Katrina will never believe me if I tell them I “got lost” with one of the GH stars!!   

Corbin has got to be one of the nicest, sharpest guys around.  He had brought a whole bunch of Carpool Guy movie stuff with him, posters and air fresheners and crap like that.  I told him that if he needed anything, just look for me and I’d help him out.  He said thanks and that he had to leave by three at the latest, so could I come find him at a quarter to and get him gone?  Oh my – maybe I should’ve been a personal celeb assistant… just the idea that I could help out someone like that was so cool!  Anyway, I took him in and guided him directly to my boss Katrina (who has a “thing” for CB to be sure!)  She looked a little dazed, or maybe that was lust in her eyes – at any rate, I introduced the two of them and said goodbye to Corby and made my way back to the front. 

I guess it’s fair to insert here that all of us EOS staffers are fans.  Yeah, we write about stuff that pertains to the shows, but first and foremost we’re fans.  Secondly, the five of us that made the trip are all healthy, vibrant, lovely diva-ish women who are just bursting with the juices of life – in other words – we may be married, single or even grandmothers… but baby, we ain’t dead!!!  Karen thinks Scott Clifton is a cutie patootie; Katrina’s crush du jour was Corbin B. with a side of Blake Gibbons and a half order of Ted King. For Kathy Hardeman, it is and will probably forevermore be… all about The Jason. Me, well – I’ve got a major love jones for Greggie and Ricalicious.  Not that any of them are likely to ask us to run off – but hey – you just never know!   

The other reason I mention this, is that up close and personal, these are some freakin’ incredibly beautiful people.  Not beautiful like your high school homecoming queen was beautiful.  I mean they have a certain aura around them that is, I don’t know, golden or something.  It’s weird, but it’s definitely there.  When I was in Dallas with Greg and Rick I felt it too.  Of course that had more to do with how special they made everyone feel, but it’s tangible to say the least.  It doesn’t take much to turn the most totally together chick into a giddy 12 year old school girl.  Nope, don’t take much at all. 

My next victim, um – I mean GH’er, was Kirsten Storms.  This was pretty cool because my 12 year old son has a very chaste, age appropriate crush on her (I keep telling myself that anyway so I can sleep at night).   She pulled up in this ghetto fabulous black Cadillac Escalade with huge rims --- and a yellow “We Support Our Troops” magnetic ribbon on it.  She’s teeny tiny too and as I walked her into the Green Room she was sniffling and trying to shake off the beginning sleep effects of the antihistamines she had just taken with her Big Gulp.  She headed right towards Lindze Letherman and Scott Clifton, just like on the show.  It was sweet. 

                          Poor little sicky thing                                                      This chick lights up a room! 

By the time I took Kirsten into the Green Room, it was pretty well starting to fill up.  A few minutes later, word came down to us that we could mosey on up there.  When I had ditched the table at the luncheon (oh my God, there’s a luncheon going on!!) I’d put my purse, camera and other assorted odds and ends in a corner.  When Karen and I got back, I grabbed the camera and started shooting.  At anyone and everyone.  Some came out great and some not so much.  But here’s a little sampling: 

Adrianne Leon was absolutely stunning. The clothes that her character wears do absolutely nothing for her.  She should dress like this every day of her life. 

Even more buff in the flesh 

Can he BE any cuter? 

After a bit of lurking, I snuck into the hallway and saw the gorgeous – and I do mean gorgeous, Kelly Monaco.  She was doing a quick little interview with one of the soap mags and there were flashes going off everywhere.  I snuck in behind them and got this 

And this one too! 

All in all, my foray into the Green Room was unbelievable.  The scenery, incredible.  I didn’t think it could get much better either… then I saw Rick Hearst and he said… “Hey Kelly, how’s it going?”   - he remembered my name, but ask Karen – she was there. 

Before I go, here’s some stream of thought that I scribbled on the plane ride home –  

Hot                                                                      Not 

Scott Clifton flirting                                                       Scott Clifton making drug jokes 

Adrienne Leon’s knock me down and do me shoes       Tyler C’s flip flops 

Rick Hearst’s Ass                                                         Ron Hale’s lack of an ass 

Corbin B’s naughtiness                                                 Dylan Cash’s naughtiness 

GV’s sunglasses on the head                                         Stuart Damon’s half eyes from Wal-Mart 

Blake Gibbon’s parents                                                Dylan Cline (Morgan Corinthos’) parents 

Kirsten Storms’ black Escalade                                    C.B. skipping the $5.50 valet fee and

W/ the badass pimp rims                                               parking across the street 
Green Room Randomness  -  
Ignacio looked like he’d just washed his car in his front yard and couldn’t be bothered to change.

Natalia L. chomping on the gum – try some mints next time babycakes! 

Leslie C., Jennifer B., NLG and ALW all wearing variations of an Indian beaded tunic.  Very appropriate for the occasion 

Cindy P looking like a doll in a fantastic black and white print sundress.  Reports of her death are greatly exaggerated. 

Larry Poindexter is sweetness – too bad he’s not longed for this world. 

Katia Coe – not nearly as scary as the Poltergeist girl.  Darling moment when I was escorting Kirsten and Lindze out when she asked Kirsten for a headshot and Kirsten told her “sure, as long as I get one of you” then Katia’s mom took a quick pic of the two of them. 

Kirsten was a real trooper – told me she was feeling crappy and was on all sorts of meds while fighting the flu.   

Security stopping Lindze as she was walking out because Scott Clifton had stuck his wallet and valet ticket i in her purse. 

Scott being totally goofy with his fans.  Gave them their money’s worth.  Drives a burgundy PT Cruiser – total metrosexual/Abercrombie boy. 

Corbin B. – totally sweet and freakin’ hot if you like older bald guys.  Katrina, I’ll serve him up on a platter if you don’t piss up your leg and let his Rick Hearstedness take you over, besides, Rick Hearst has a major jones for me.

Hey Tyler Christopher – stare much?  Yes baby, they’re real ~ Where’s Natalia? 

Rick Hearst wanted me, I know he did. 

Stuart D, Adrianne and Dr. Thom-ass hanging out.  Michael Saucedo and Rebecca Herbst (wonder if he ever gets tired of pretending he’s straight?) 

ALW with a cell phone genetically attached to her ear and looking all constipated. 

Screw ‘em if they can’t take a joke 

I crack myself up….