CAUTION:  My girl, Carol, speaks her mind in a strong, brassy and vibrant fashion.  If you are offended by straight talking, adult oriented language (sometimes, there's a "very" in there), please be aware that you may well find it here.  Carol shoots from the hip and tells it like it is, pulling no punches and taking no prisoners.  That's why I love her & why I hired her.  If it's not your bag, let's part still friends and salute our differences in tastes (I'm sort of a strong strawberry flavor...)  ~*~Katrina~*~


New Youth Order 

In a July 20th “Houston Chronicle” article, “Soap operas targeting younger audiences,” TV executives explain why they’re focusing so much on hiring and featuring primarily the young, beautiful teenaged set. But they’ve yet to sell me on why they’ve managed to alienate the rest of us older viewers in the process. 

All of the daytime executives were accounted for. A couple of youth-demo mouthpieces hand-picked for their quoted support. A few facts and figures, slanted toward favoring this youth demo, tacked onto the reason for the promotions, the campaigns, the summer specials and the ever-present storyline focus on the characters 20 and under. 

According to the Kristin Finan-written entertainment piece, on average, Nielsen ratings kept steady for the female viewers aged 18-34, the prized youth demographic, two years in a row so far... a promising sign and validation to the executives of programming for going all-out in luring those younger viewers in the first place, an attempt that first began in earnest four years ago, if you believe ABC Daytime president Brian Frons. 

If you also believe Frons and his network cronies, they’re trying to attract viewers 20 and younger without alienating viewers older than 20 – who’ve declined in viewership by the thousands since 1991. Frons actually thinks one way to do this is to hire some hot young soap studs and parade them around shirtless; that way, the teenaged girl, the soccer mom, the lesbian activist and the aging crone all win! Other executive types interviewed for other articles have even gone so far as to suggest that the older viewers, the housewives first targeted by the networks to watch, would appreciate watching mostly teenaged kids parade around, pout and act out, and learn how better to approach and deal with them, instead of like, y’know, apply some discipline on their spoiled buttocks. 

In order to lure the younger viewers, these executives have copied ideas from the proven mainstream crowd... supernatural themes in primetime hits, Buffy and Charmed (as depicted on the wild and wacky DOOL and Passions – NBC’s #1- and #2-rated youth-demo-approved hits), reality-TV tie-ins for The Bachelor (Bob Guiney was hired to host a Summer Olympics rip-off featuring soap spoilers for the fall season, to air next month) and The Apprentice (will result in one of the Quartermaines on GH inheriting Lila’s bulk sum if up to the challenge of “Nicest”) types and plot-driven primetime cable dramas in general that glorify violence, violent sex and more violence, or terrorism, against women and children (The Sopranos’ successful assault on the American populace left the ABC Daytime field wide open to further mob attacks). 

On ABC – the worst culprit in the mindless, obsessive hunt to amass youth-demo numbers – major storylines are centered around and are about primarily soap newcomers in the 20-something to teen age group, with the veterans—second only to minorities—there as window dressing, sounding boards, villainous catalysts or plot devices. 

AMC, despite soap press to the contrary, is not about Erica, Tad, David, Liza, Brooke, Palmer and Opal, their families, friends and colleagues. It’s about their kids and their kids’ lovers, friends and enemies Babe, Bianca, Kendall, Greenlee, Ryan, Jonathan, JR, Jamie. For example, multiple-Emmy winner and respected soap veteran David Canary’s (Adam) sole purpose is to proverbially sit on JR’s shoulder like the mini-demon ID he is, while hot young 20 stud JR goes out and wreaks havoc on everybody’s (Babe’s) lives and Jamie plays hot young 20 stud hero, trying to convince the cynical clueless adults to help. Peanuts, anyone? 

OLTL says it’s about multi-generational, socially-diverse lives, with the beefing up of the Latin family, the Vegas and by extension, the mob ties to the Santi family. But what viewers actually see emphasized are Kelly and her 101 breakdowns, Natalie deciding on beaus, Jessica defending her Antonio turf but pursing her bee-stung lips at his cousin Tico, Adriana playing out Betty to Shannon’s Veronica over hot young punk stud River, and the Love Project, i.e., an excuse to showcase the self-important phony-baloney Riley and Viki-in-training Jennifer. 

GH stands out in that its central character remains a 30-something Latino actor pushing 40 (Maurice Benard’s my age, and that’s almost-40, dude), which I attribute to his incredible intensity and innate gift for gritty genuine portrayals into the darkness that most mortals flee from, as mob boss Sonny Corinthos. But even he’s not immune to the youth bombardment. Carly, recast with Tamara Braun, is not middle aged by any means. Neither is his on-screen half-sister Courtney, a Frons darling of epic youth-demo proportions, tall, muscly, bodacious and blonde. The next level down from them are Nikolas and Emily and Georgie and Dillon, all safely within the youth-demo range, and about to receive a major push into the limelight to possibly help take over when Benard takes his several-months leave in the early winter. 

The problem is, none of the interviewed younger soap viewers (attending universities), from the aforementioned Houston Chronicle article, specifically cited just the teen focus as their reason for tuning in and staying tuned in. In fact, one of them acknowledged that soaps can and do provide a venue for many generations to mix it up, which is a good thing since in the real world, she’s noticed the opposite happening, with teens wanting to isolate themselves further from the old fartknockers. (What, the better to avoid thinking about growing older and dying themselves?) 

Another young soap viewer mentioned the goofy plots, but favored another soap trait, that of getting to know these familiar characters as if they were really a part of their lives. Kinda tough to do if the familiar faces are always changing, growing younger, being SORAS’d. 

And that, my friends, is the key to restoring soaps to their rightful place, create their own trend for the rest of the mainstream entertainment industry (which, to some extent, has already happened with the serialized advent of 24 and Friends).... leaving well enough alone and building up the veterans to as equal a stature as the young newcomers, rewarding ability and tenure in equal measures, and telling stories everybody of any age, race or creed, can relate to. 

It’s worked in the past. It’ll work again. Give it some time. 



Last week, I noticed a spike in GH’s ratings, up from its usual third place to #2, right behind Y&R. The Soap Opera Digest editors claimed that was the week Mary told Nikolas the truth, telling me that the only way to get more viewers to tune in is if something big goes down. I recalled the many previous times in the past two years where a similarly-reasoned spike occurred for GH, and the resultant accelerated climaxes, reveals and tragedies loaded up like a greatest hits CD. 

In the same SOD issue (Aug. 3) happened to be an interview with Alicia Leigh Willis (Courtney, GH), where she (along with Steve Burton/Jason, earlier in a public appearance on his own) admitted that they grew tired of playing the break-up-to-make-up and hit repeat game on-screen, and furthermore, their fans deserved better. If TPTB were going there, she said, please, let this couple break up and be done with it, adding that while she would miss the love story, change is good (yeah but not constant change). 

[Then, we have Sonny and Carly, playing this same game, but dragging the other core characters into it, IMHO, needlessly, when they could actually be involved in a heart-felt, human interest story. I’m not averse to Sonny being diagnosed with manic depression, because at least there, he has a chance for a broader scope in story that could encompass more of the cast and especially bring the Hospital back in “General Hospital.”] 

Over at AMC, the SOD editors praised Erica’s two-day intervention as a story worth watching, after all the Kane women went through (more accelerated tragedies for the Nielsen spike). In the same breath, they mentioned off-hand pages later, that Susan Lucci will return from a month-long vacation, the same time that her Erica Kane will return from rehab, presumably cured and ready to tackle a wedding with Jackson. A shame, considering the rehab itself would’ve been great dramatic fare; over a decade-plus ago, I would’ve actually watched it, as I had with Erica’s first bout with addiction and recovery. 

In today’s society, it’s about instant gratification, short attention spans, prurient voyeurism and the payoff, NOW. We’ve been trained and gotten used to expecting the payoff immediately that we’ve forgotten to work for it. We don’t want to sit around waiting for the payoff, i.e., an actual story developed amongst the characters, exploring their motivations, histories and personality conflicts in authentic-feeling interaction, we want it yesterday, and then, we want another payoff, then another until finally, we’re so bored with the constant predictability of those easy payoffs, we’re off to a club to find a new high. I know some people IRL who leave parties, conversations mid-stream, because their ADD is such that they cannot bear to listen to the lead-in for the punchline. 

What results from this, is what you see on soaps today: Popular couples ricocheting back and forth, on again, off again, becoming caricatures of their once-glorious selves, cartoons instead of human beings, about nothing but the payoff of the dramatics of breaking up to making up, to Hades with common sense, courtesy to other characters and their own survival... Core families used as constant victims of one tragedy after another, more than biblical characters really, but skip the meat and potatoes stuff that made them core families in the first place, the talking, the misunderstandings, the laughing, the inside jokes, the nicknames, the real drama of what it’s like for Erica Kane to undergo substance abuse counseling, solo and in groups, what kinds of friends did she make, was she kind and to whom, the young teenaged girl who so reminded her of her own Bianca suffering from anorexia, or a diva too. 

The aftermath of Lila’s death on GH lasted all of three days. That’s what her fictional life was worth. 

Viki’s heart trauma and recovery took about a week and a half on OLTL, give or take the reason for her survival in the first place (that would be the Love Project), never mind the decades she lived in that town. 

If it weren’t for AMC’s Erica Kane, that show would’ve been history by now. Yet, all they could muster was a lame Vegas showgirl act and a three-act play in two days, with the heart and soul of the character-developed next move, the rehab, a mere footnote after the fact. 

I can’t ever take GH’s power couples seriously anymore, not since TPTB started noticing and then caving in to the fan bases back in the late ‘90s over Sonny versus Jax over Brenda, killing one of the first truly viable triangles in history, where both men offered a lot to be desired. Because sure as Guza refers to his payoffs as huge, the Jax and Courtney today will instantaneously combust into a Jason and Courtney make-up session tomorrow, just in time for Sonny to discover Carly’s hidden the truth of him being Kristina’s father all along, throw some barware against the walls, nearly come to blows with his wife and his children, threaten sole custody, throw out slut, tramp and whore epithets, sleep with a Sam lookalike, and basically repeat what fans have had to endure for the past two, three years. 

My fondest wish – even though I’ve played a large part in this with my own short attention span and impatience with coffee talk – is TPTB wake up, smarten up, and give up pretensions to the teen-focused cable and wannabe networks. Go back to their soap roots and give us soaps like they used to be, where it took months, years for the kind of payoffs we’re used to, re-train us to remember the real weekly payoffs in the slow burns, the internal realizations, the one small gesture of kindness, a hand on the shoulder, as a foe played friend to an ailing rival, the gradual look of understanding and genuine sympathy on Lucy’s face as she caught Dominique on GH fighting another near-faint... where it mattered what a character said almost as much as what a character did... where we’re forced to sit back and watch stories as real as our own unfold, in almost as real a time. 

I miss watching characters getting to know one another for no other ulterior motive than genuine interest, characters sharing a laugh and a cry, male bonding, catty fashion shows, wit and parry, a group of weary misfits watching the sunset and brainstorming their faraway futures, characters that surprised me, moved me, took me back to those painful, poignant places in my own life, that could make me cry just looking at them. 

When you think about it, most of us really don’t need all the bells and whistles and the media hoopla. We remember better. 

But we better remember soon, or we’ll forget to laugh, cry and think without TPTB’s media-handled attention. 


True to my word – unlike with GH’s Sonny and Carly reunion – I stayed away from this travesty of a show last week. 

The only parts I’m aware of are those I’ve read of in columns by other people and posts by other fans on message boards. The biggest topic turned out to be the hero-ification of Jamie, the demonization of JR and the moving confrontation between Tad on behalf of one son about the other (perhaps, the first time he’s confronted inwardly his own JR bias, aka over-compensation for the loss of Dixie). 

I suspected Tad of favoritism awhile back, but nothing I could pinpoint until Jamie, it was reported, brought up the time Tad took JR’s side when the two brothers were little kids. According to Jamie, JR got mad and exacted revenge by putting Jamie’s bike too close to Tad’s car, and Tad ran over it backing out. Jamie swore his innocence, but Tad instead, believed JR, which set the tone for the rest of the brothers’ lives up to this point. 

In an exacting, almost genius comparative, the writers have managed to tell and show the audience the vast differences, from the beginning, between impressionable, addictive, weak JR and easygoing, jocular all-American playboy good guy Jamie with the drug set-up, dividing the town in half. 

JR’s fall into evil, his tendency to take the easy way out instead of fighting makes sense given his history with his parents, all three of them, notably with conniving control freak Adam as the primary influence now. Jamie, however, comes from a more balanced, healthy, normal family with do-gooder Brooke and reformed bad-boy-turned-hero Tad, and it shows, as their offspring never goes the easy route, choosing to always fight passionately, sometimes surprisingly steadfast, for what he believes in... first indicated in his obstinate insistence on a paternity test of Babe’s unborn baby. 

This is character development at its finest and fullest. 

I may have to check out this crazy show again come Monday. (But cynical kate’s AMC commentary still rules. The latest is just sheer genius Cliff Notes for the AMC-impaired.) 


Natalie finally shows up at the quarry ready to dive and swim, but she’s in these huge cut-off shorts and a fully-loaded top. I don’t care if she’s not as anorexic-looking as Jennifer (read: in the world of Frons, chubby), I prefer my women buxom, voluptuous and Natalie in a red g-string. 

Lindsay and Rex, when last I saw—and this was several months ago—were split up, then back together for the sex after Lindsay promised to help Rex get his Ultra-Violet club back from R.J. But Lindsay was working with R.J. in secret to ruin Rex, because she caught Rex bragging that he was only using her for sex and really loved her daughter Jennifer. But somewhere along the line, Lindsay started to feel sorry for him and herself, and gave in, to either the sex or helping Rex pay R.J. back for control of Ultra-Violet, for real. FF to the July 21st episode and they’re still haggling over control of Ultra-Violet, Lindsay’s still promising to do her best to ask R.J. to relent, and Rex is still hedging his bets. I can’t help but feel I’m still missing something, a crucial plot thread that should’ve been shown amongst the three characters to explain how feelings and motivations got changed, at the very least, a conversation between R.J. and Lindsay about why she can’t hold out on Rex (did that happen?) and their secret deal is off. Better yet, Rex overhears their secret deal, and an entire story ensues. They remember stories over at OLTL, don’t they?... with a beginning, middle and an end? 

That’s what’s missing with a lot of these over-30 characters, a storyline. TPTB think they can just throw them on our screens and we’ll forget that they have rich histories, complex personalities, and furthermore, that despite all this, we won’t question why they don’t have any reason for being there. When they’re there, their back story, much less, plot movement from Point A (Bo and Nora are friends) to Point B (Bo and Nora are jealous of each other’s MIA dates) is missing. It’s called character and storyline development, and apparently in ABC Daytime’s world, it’s only for the young, beautiful and unproven talents. 

I don’t blame Josh Griffith for bailing on this show as 1) head writer, 2) co-head writer, 3) creative consultant, and finally, 4) associate writer – if Soap Opera Weekly’s latest is true – because what sane, talented writer could survive when his storyline pitches are constantly thrown out the window by network executive types who wouldn’t know how to write their own obituaries, much less a rich soap opera. 

Jessica interviews Tico July 22. She accuses him with each and every questioned evasively answered of turning the microphone back on her, manipulating her with his words to talk about herself instead. I didn’t see that at all. I only saw a very self-absorbed young woman bringing the conversation back on herself whether warranted or prompted from Tico. So you had a privileged, sheltered childhood with a demonic father. Well, back to me and Mitch... 

I noticed another annoying quirk of Bree Williamson’s (Nu Jess). She doesn’t like to put forth a whole lot of effort into emoting, besides looking cute for the cameras. I could tell, during Viki’s heart pamphlet (certainly, it didn’t warrant story status), that she had a hard time with the crying scenes, because as convincing and wonderfully emotional and fitting for her character to pour forth with those tears of sorrow and fear, she was fighting it the entire time, hiding her face, holding back. Mustn’t ruin the buckets of lip gloss and mascara... wouldn’t match her latest summer fashions. 


Isn’t it summer in New York? Where are the tees, tanks, cut-off jeans, bikinis, swim trunks? Everybody’s in suits and jackets. Maybe Luke never figured out how to successfully stop the Cassadines from freezing at least that part of the world. 

The difference between the introductions of a new character, Sam, and a new recast, Lois, to the community of Port Charles, has been the difference between plot- and actress-reliant. Sam’s portrayer Kelly Monaco can act, that much is clear. But she’s never allowed to outside the tiny box of sobbing, apologetic victim (with big boobs and erect nipples) or outside the mob story (as a means for Sonny and Carly to reunite and Jason to do a moving divorce scene with Courtney). Juxtaposed against that, is Lois’ portrayer Lesli Kay, who comes directly from ATWT in the long-running role of bad girl Molly. Kay has been on from the moment she burst onto the screen with those nails, that accent and a more vulnerable fast-talking take on the memorable music producer from Bensonhurst. She’s sparked with just about everybody she’s come across, and she’s allowed to come across more people than Sam. She’s also allowed to be more personable, loud, vibrant, funny, raucous, opinionated, far from boobs in cleavage. I guess that’s why I zone out when Sam’s on doing her centerfold impersonation, but drop everything and tune in 100 percent when Lois struts across the screen, because half the time, I never know what that broad’s gonna do next. 

For about two seconds there, I almost fell for the gag. You know the one, where Sam tells Jason another sob story, this time it’s about an older retarded brother she just discovered trapped in the basement by their evil wicked drunk mother (the town icon, those wacky Southerners) and rescued, keeping him hidden, safe and sound to this day. And that’s why she’s been such a greedy little codfish about the Dead Man’s Hand. All she needed to put the topper on this obviously failed spin-doctored plot device, was to have had her little Danny boy sexually molested by Kevin and Ryan’s evil Felicia-lookalike stepmother. 

Lucky professes his undying, unrequited love to Emily, who manages another kind rebuke and a glint in her eye when he gets to the part where he’ll love her forever and pine away for her with his undying, unrequited love even if she reunites with her one, true love Nikolas... the same Ain’t I hot to attract two virile men? glint she had when Nikolas professed his undying love to her when she was attached to Zander. That, the blinding lip gloss and her severe eyebrow-furrowing are about the only traits worth ... taking note of. 

As other fans have confessed lately, I, too, have never been a huge Emily fan. At the time, 1995, I felt she (as Amber Tamblyn) was brought on unnecessarily, crowding up an already decent crowd of colorful characters. I also felt she belonged with Bobbie as the adopted daughter, maybe then she would’ve developed a colorful personality, instead of the whining, questioning, wide-eyed, smart-mouthed copycat dullard who followed every glamorous, dangerous trend from Brenda’s modeling to worshipping the mob hitman Jason and who talked straight out of a bleeding white man’s guilt-ridden handbook on the dangers of drugs, racism and those nasty, dysfunctional Qs. 

Now, I hate the new and unimproved Emily (as Natalia Livingston) even more. She’s become the poster girl for co-dependent love, with Nikolas as her appendage instead of a vagina and breasts. The only time she allows any compassion outside her and Nikolas’s great grand love, is to show up and show off so that in her romanticized mind, she and Nikolas will remain a great, grand, and now tragic love. Look at her so noble, just like Lila now, if only Nikolas can see me now, we’re so alike, the conscience of our families. If she quit play-acting, got a life and a personality of her own, maybe I’d cut her some slack. She needs to read from the flawed, poignant playbook of Laura Spencer, a true complex female character for the ages. 

It occurred to me that as Sonny and Carly are about to reunite for the 11th time, that for future reference, they should issue an alert to everybody else within a 30-mile radius to stay away romantically, rebound sex, or the genuine article, or else suffer the consequences of a powerful, terroristic fan base. 

Every time S&C break up, it’s made to play out like it’s really, truly the end, but then, inevitably, they forget the dysfunctional reasons they split in the first place and get back together, remembering only the people who stood in their way and talked smack about the other in the hopes of winning their affection. I hear that the final secret, kept inexplicably by Carly, will finally come out and that will be the end of S&C, for good, forever. Really! Honest! HAH! 

Here’s what kills me. Every time Sonny and Carly break up, everybody, including me, falls for it. They drag everybody in on their sick game, demanding they take sides, screwing around on the pretense of forgetting and settling, forcing Jason to lie for God’s sakes, causing more turmoil on the children (and not just packing up and moving around again). Then, lo and behold, they’re back together, messing up everybody’s lives, expecting things to get back to normal, like it’s nothing. After everybody around them has gone through their disaster area, abdicated values and principles, and this time, someone got pregnant, a couple people nearly got killed... Sonny and Carly want to be together again and think it’s as simple as that. The next time they go through a break-up, and they will, let’s all just ignore them. 

Or, as crispty on SoapZone’s GH board aptly put it:

I'm completely dumbfounded over the reactions, or should I say, non-reactions to this secret.

What the hell was the point of it all?

You're telling me that they moved Sam into the PH across the hall from Sonny and his kids

had Jason completely out of character lie to every person around him

had Carly move back into the PH

and made Courtney believe Jason had slept with someone else and knocked up another women


No reaction

no yelling, no screaming
no crying

no nothing

this is what the entire summer has led up to, and it completely FALLS FLAT

this is why we've had to deal with Sam day in and day out. Deal with her incompetent cervix, her running in and out of the country every freakin' week, her angelic woe is me routine

All so Carly can run back to Sonny
Sonny can dump Sam
and Courtney can shrug

WHat the FCUK

why in the hell did they even make Sam PREGNANT

because Sonny just HAD to have another kid

cause we needed to see just how baby obsessed Jason is

cause Carly hasn't had enough females in her face after Sonny to last a lifetime

cause it's imperative Sonny meet his baby momma quota a year

It's completely ridiculous

What a total waste this secret was, GH totally dropped the ball, and it sucks

cause as stupid as this story was from the get-go, the reactions SHOULD have made up for it.

this should be emmy worthy stuff, but, instead GH opts to go the easy way out and completely downplay the one thing that would have made this story POP and be worthwhile.

just pathetic 

Besides, I have a simple solution to the whole paternity secret. If Sonny had just told Carly the truth in the first place, none of this circus crap would’ve happened. What’s the big deal anyway? Sonny will stay with Carly, because he loves Carly, no other woman, that much is clear. Sonny will take care of Sam and their baby financially, and have generous visitation, but Sam is free to find a love of her own. Boom, problem solved, nobody else gets hurt. 

If Carly’s maternal fortitude was ever in doubt, it no longer is after the July 22nd episode where she promptly grabbed her handbag and took off after Sonny spilled his guts about impregnating Sam after all. What, no note for the kids, no running upstairs and tucking them in for a heart-to-heart “...but mommy will be back tomorrow,” ... ??? When she finally sauntered back in the next day, after Michael had a conniption at Ric for stealing his mommy again, I expected Sonny to issue a custody order against her. 

Michael... I’m trying to be nice, polite, and PC, but, I’ll admit just this: I have to mute and concentrate on this afghan I’m crocheting whenever that tiny terror is on. 

The following is dedicated to one of my favorite soap columnists (and good people), Max of Max’s Musings at SoapTown USA, who wrote last week about the ridiculousness of limp dick Dillon in GH Chronicles (she just took over, where I left off, give or take a replacement and a few guest writers), inspiring me all the while... 

So glad Dillon’s limp dick rose from the dead after a mere days. But next up, Dillon goes drag to fit in an all-girl singing group, the brainchild of Lois. After that elicits zero laughs and offends more teenagers, I’m guessing Dillon will wind up on the wrong end of a random psycho’s hard-on in a first-ever, one-week story about the rare, hidden shame of male rape. TPTB are either trying desperately to capitalize on Scott Clifton’s ability to make the audience laugh, cry and think with what they believe are socially relevant, socially challenging after-school specials, or they’re trying to see how much humiliation and degradation they can heap on the newcomer before he runs for the hills. 

Furthermore, the limp dick story has transformed likeable, every girl Georgie into an insecure, whining, perfectionistic shrew. 

No wonder Dillon found it hard to get it up their first time together. Imagine if she’d relented and they finally tried again, but then maybe his technique sucked, his penis was too small, too fat, too weird-looking with the blue veins tilted to the right side, and she’s grossed out by it all. Can you imagine the insecure whining, nagging and blaming ... that he must not be turned on by her or else he’d have been able to effortlessly make her multiple-orgasm and do everything right by her in the bed (probably by osmosis, since she’d just lay there like a fish, expecting him to read her mind, which he could do if he was really THE ONE for her)? She’d then assume he did better by Sage, and if he really loved only her and they shared this magical, impossibly perfect but unrealistic idealistic connection, he’d be Casanova and she would feel only endless pleasure. Oh hey, no pressure there. 

I had to tune Georgie out in the July 23rd episode. For all GQ’s talk of being alike, two dorks who understood each other when nobody else would or could, they sure are miles apart in as simple a matter as clearing up the fact that Dillon got a hard-on without the Viagra. If she’d shut up for five seconds and let the boy speak, really listen to his heart-felt words, instead of her own self-centered hang-ups, without instituting the edict of, If you still want me around, let’s just be best friends, no touching, no kissing, no insertion, okay? Dillon, sobbing in the corner, choking back tears, gazing upon Georgie with nothing but pure adoration and lust. Okay? No sex? Just friends? Dillon gulps and answers Georgie as she relentlessly, mercilessly, dispassionately hammers her point home with each request for confirmation of a platonic relationship, she might as well cut his dick off now... Okay, Georgie, we get the point: NO MORE SEX, give the boy a break and get out of his room already. Join a convent. 

I’d say these two have had it, they’re done. Maybe it was a good thing Dillon’s first time was with a real woman with no hang-ups who can be present with her lover to thoroughly enjoy and appreciate him, warts and all, without high expectations that, with Georgie, inevitably boomerang back to Dillon’s lack of manhood. Sage, for all her trampy exterior, really saw Dillon, inside and out, made little demands on him and certainly harbored no illusionary vision of immature puppy love. Georgie needs to grow up, attend some sex ed and self-esteem classes and learn the art of interest in others. 

(What am I saying?! “...a real woman...?!” “...her lover...?!” These are supposed to be teenagers. The actress who plays Georgie is a teenager. TPTB have no business putting them in these embarrassingly adult situations. At all.) 

Poor Brook Lynn. Georgie’s only concern is using her as a sounding board for her latest Dillon accusation. But then Georgie’s always been that way, ignoring Maxie’s personal life, hopes and dreams, to yammer on about why Dillon doesn’t love her properly, using her so-called friends to make it better with her boyfriend, shades of Emily, I fear, Mac’s burn-out evoked concern from Georgie for all of the five seconds it took for her to remember she better obsess about Dillon more. There’s Brook Lynn staring with alarm through the Kelly’s Diner window inside to her mother chatting intimately with a known drug kingpin, when Georgie storms by, ranting and raving about her latest drama with Dillon. Brook Lynn has to practically shoot out a flare to catch Georgie’s attention outside herself, by asking who that guy is. 

I do understand Georgie’s insecurity as a virginal teenager with neurotic hang-ups. But that doesn’t mean I like watching it at Dillon’s (who’s equally insecure and just as much a virginal teenager sort) expense. 

For a brief five seconds – the approximate amount of time it took for TPTB to give Monica and Alan a shadowy sex scene (hidden behind a curtain because Frons doesn’t wanna hear from over-40) – I really felt enormous, blind rage at the executives responsible for the kind of soaps we have today, where it is no longer important to show the reactions of the over-40 crowd outside the couple of the moment, to news of a death or a resurrection. Nikolas, it turns out, never perished in the car crash, and yet, the only characters allowed to react incredulous, joyful, anything but a flatline at all, are the characters directly involved in the NEm vs. MaNik romance. After a few beats, when realization finally hit me, I could not believe how cavalierly after-the-fact Monica was about it being good news that Nikolas is alive after all, so he could tend to Emily’s every boo-boo. 


Sometimes, this show sucks beyond recognition.