If I Were In Charge of the Daytime Emmyís
May 25, 2004
you watch the Emmyís? I saw about 20 minutes of it and that was it. Either
I was so exhausted I couldnít keep my eyes open or it was so boring, I
couldnít keep my eyes open. Either way, it doesnít really matter. I slept
well and Iím grateful for that.
wonderful writers at EOS created an email about five miles long with all
the banter and comments about the awards show, so it feels as though I
watched each and every minute. (Though Iíd likely have looked away each
time Lisa Rinnaís nipples came into view.) With that being said, I got to
thinking about how I would have planned the whole shindig. Would I have
chosen Vanessa Marcil (and that half nude dress?) as hostess? Would I have
added more traditional campy singing/dancing acts? Uh-huh to both. Iíve
never been a fan of VM and Iím even less a fan of the traditional campy
singing/dancing acts. Yes, Iíd certainly increase the Ďthanksí speech time
to at least 45 seconds over the standard, what? 30 seconds? But I wouldnít
let it go much more than that because I ultimately donít give a hoot about
the millions of people the actors want to thank. Theyíre not directly
thanking me so I donít need specifics!
did decide, however, that Iíd most likely have to change the actual award
nominations. None of that ďBest ActorĒ, etc. because thatís boring and so,
shall we say, Ďold schoolí. Instead, Iíd prefer more fun, creative and
realistic positions to be nominated. Hereís my thoughts, and who I think
would want to win:
Female character/actor most fun to watch: Definitely Faith on
General Hospital. She is over the top but in such a seductive, alluring
way. She can be campy, obnoxious, serious and truly psychotic all at
once. I love her. I love Cynthia Preston and I canít wait to kiss her
feet come July.
Male character/actor most fun to watch: Dillon Quartermaine.
Whatís not to love about this guy? He should have one the Ďrealí
category for which he was nominated. The butterfly scene was hilarious
and the condom scene was how I imagined my high school boyfriend would
feel trying to buy condoms for the night that never happened. This kid
is goiní places. I imagine in a few years weíll see him as a lead in
some John Cusack type movie because heís comedic and sincere. Plus heís
cute. Heís a winner!
Female character who annoys the heck out of Carolyn: (After all,
since Iím running the show, it should be centered around what I
think, right?) Sam from General Hospital, with a close runner up being
Jen Rappaport on One Life to Live. Initially I liked Sam, though I felt
a big confused with her strong resemblance to that Livvie vampire girl
down the street. But you know what? It sort of started to work. She
played well with Skye and Luke and though there was no chemistry with
Jax, I could see her developing a good, strong character. Then they put
her with Sonny and BAM! Itís a
Brenda Redux! What on earth?! Been there, done that! Now sheís whiny,
emotional (and donít blame it on the pregnancy because this is totally
fictional, remember?), insecure and needy. And she added color to her
large wardrobe that she miraculously could fit in a small carry on bag.
(That in and of itself is reason enough for any award!) What happen to
the feisty bitch that cared nothing about anyone but herself and her
income potential? Gone. Sheís been Sonny-ifed. Hasta La Vista baby.
Youíre no longer Sam. Youíre the Brenda Redux.
Male Character who annoys the most out of Carolyn: Okay, I know
Iím going to get someoneís panties all in a bunch here, but I have a
trice win going on.
Sonny. Iím sorry but thereís got to be either an
extreme hyperbole of reality to the character (which there isnít) or
the character has to have some semblance of reality to them (which
there isnít). I do not find gangster-like, sociopathic, self-centered,
egotistical, woman abusing, insecure and just plain rude even remotely
attractive. Itís not the hyperbole of the typical gangster. I know
this because I grew up in an Italian family outside of Chicago. My
grandfather was Al Caponeís tailor. I know gangsters. They arenít even
remotely similar to Mr. Sonny Corinthos.
JR Chandler. Maybe itís the fact that I still
cannot get over the lousy attempt at replacing Jonathan Jackson on
General Hospital. Maybe itís the comments Katrina has made about JYís
attempt at ass-pinching, I donít know. I do know that JR is just an
angry JYís Lucky with more money and more professional opportunity. He
yells, he doesnít converse. Heís totally wigged out and has become
what heís sworn he would never; his father Adam Chandler. And heís
married (or isnít he? Iím not sure anymore) to a girl with a
completely obnoxious accent!
Sorry Kathy, but Jason Morgan is my third choice
for this award. Who do you know, as a right hand man to anyone,
(and by the way, how many right hand men do you know? Me? None.) would
go to the lengths that Mr. Morgan does for his employer? Is Jason ever
going to get bored with following women around for Sonny? Is he ever
going to truly stand up for what HE wants and grow some kahunas? Is he
ever going to have loyalty to himself and the other important people
in his life or will he forever choose Sonny? Itís unappealing. I love
when Jason is tough and strong and stands up for what he
wants/believes is right. It just doesnít happen enough. Not enough to
not get this award in my book anyway.
Female character who should get a better storyline: Where to
start with this one? Well, since I primarily watch General Hospital,
Iíll start there. Alexis. Maybe this Ric connection will turn out to be
a good story, but itís yet to be determined. NG played the butler story
wonderfully, considering she was given such a silly story in the first
place. Put her back with Luke. Okay, wait. I like Luke and Skye, but if
for some terrible reason RC decides to NOT come back after maternity
leave, hook these two up please. They have great chemistry. She has
great chemistry with Jax. Remember when they were Ďmarriedí? I actually
LIKED Jax then! Sheís a wasted character and could be doing so much. How
about a little love-liaison with Justus? The irony would be simply
Male character who should get a better storyline: I have to give
this one to Aiden on All My Children. Not a fan? Tough. I am. I LOVE the
sexiness of his always heroic, woman saving ways. I love his body. I
love his accent. I just love this guy. Heís sweet, charming, romantic,
sincere (and I think the actual actor might be all of that too! I have a
total crush on him! Look out Ted, youíve got some competition!) and he
plays tough guy wonderfully. You know who he reminds me of? Robert
Scorpio. I sure miss him. Maybe Aiden could find Robert, since itís his
cousin-in-law or something like that and bring him back to Port Charles
and jump shows? They could work with Mac and really snap the PCPD into
tip top shape! Iím all for merging show storylines if itís my idea!
Recurring characters that should be on contract: This is a joint
award because they belong together: Felicia and Mac Scorpio. Reunite
them, give them parental issues they can really work on (Maxieís
pregnant, Georgie quits high school, etc.) instead of time filler and
for the love of God, give them a crime they can SUCCESSFULLY SOLVE
TOGETHER! These two have wonderful history for GH, something that is the
basis for every soap opera. They have undeniable chemistry together and
they are so darn good looking it makes my TV drip syrup each time
theyíre on the show!
Female character who needs to get a life: Courtney did it.
Kendall did it. (well, sort of). Please God, someone give poor Liza
Chandler a life. And if youíve got nothing else going on, throw in a
life or two for Brooke English too. Talk about wasting true sparkling
characters. Okay, I know. Liza gets no life until she grows out that
terrible haircut. I hate it. I hated it when she was pursuing Greg and I
hate it now. I miss the long locks. They did much more for her
appearance. Iíd say give Carly Corinthos a life but as long as Sonnyís
around, that ainít ever gonna happen.
Male character who needs to get a life: Lucky Spencer. Donít get
me wrong, I love a man in a uniform, but get him out of that one! Grow
his hair out (hey, there was this guy, Dan on Charmed who had really,
really great hair!) and get him back in a pair of tight fitting jeans
and I promise, within minutes heíll have a life each of us would watch!
Iím all for an attempt and Liz and Lucky. These actors have chemistry
and though there will never be another JJ, Greg Vaughan is a good
recast. Heís just a good recast with a really, really cruddy storyline.
Give him a life outside of his father. Outside of following the orders
of a sociopathic DA. Let the poor guy have sex!
Male character who needs a wardrobe change: Two awards for one
guy, thatís unheard of! Jason truly needs the expertise of the ďQueer
Eye for the Straight GuyĒ guys. Who wears a leather bomber jacket in the
summer? I wonder, does Jason have his tee-shirts dry cleaned or does his
iron them on his own?
Female character who needs a wardrobe change: Krystal and her
daughter Babe tie this one. White trash is just not even remotely
appealing to me.
Soap Opera Writer who needs to get a new job: Do you really think
I need to answer this one?
you know me, you know I could go on and on. Iím like the Energizer Bunny.
But alas, itís summer time and my kids are nagging me to go to the pool.
Sit inside and type on my computer or bask in the sun? Not something I
need to think too much about! Iím outta here folks!