Hang in there folks. I know that
right now it seems like the stories being served up on GH have all the appeal
of a warm piece of gum that has been chewed until it has lost of its flavor. I
know that you're wearing out your FF buttons and sometimes just checking in a
couple of times a week to see if anything interesting accidentally went on in
your absence. I feel your pain. This is a step beyond the usual case of the
blahs that tends to hit GH (and, in fact, most soaps) around this time of
year. More and more the letters I'm getting from you as fans indicate that
you're ready to give up. In fact, my dear friend Laura, who for years has run
the best spoilers site on the net and is a favorite of GH fans
(see our links page), recently said, "That's it, I've had enough."
This woman LOVED GH and after months of frustration over the mishandling of
the "Lucky returns" story, the stumbling over Flea and Luke's
relationship and the killing off of Sonny and Carly's baby, she simply felt
that the soap no longer had anything to offer her. To her credit, she
continues to keep the site alive for the fans that love it, but she no longer
watches the show.
So many of us continue to watch the show because of loyalty. We've been there
since the show came on the air and can't imagine NOT watching it. For us,
we're still chewing the wad of gum, but we're in church and there's nowhere to
spit it out except the font of holy water (bad form). Does it help to know
that GH tends to work in cycles? Are you encouraged at all to know that when
we have a dry spell where it's nothing but work to chew the gum, we can expect
any day that Brenda is going to be shot up in the shower or Tony will swipe a
baby? Does it help to remember that there has ALWAYS been dumb stuff that has
been played out on GH (that stupid Sword of Shanara/David Gray story with Luke
and Laura, Casey the Alien, The Great Quartermaine Mystery of 1999?)? Since
the show came on the air, there have always been stories that were a complete
miss, but still had to play out. Not many viewers enjoyed the Sonny-Hannah
pairing, but once in motion, it had to roll. Same thing for the very negative
fan reaction to both Tony and Alan's descents into madness via grief and pills
respectively. What I'm seeing as the problem is that under normal
circumstances, whenever a stinker of a story is brewing or boiling, we usually
have a few decent ones running in the background. Right now, most of the
stories we have going are real snoozers, so there isn't much to distract us
from the fact that the show is in a lull. Be of good cheer, though. As I said,
the show is cyclic and you can bet that we are going to get a big boost in a
month or so and things will be back to their usual, high paced, entertaining
Think of it as a draught in the dessert. If the water table gets low every
year, you have a reservoir filled to offset the deficit and no one notices the
difference except that the birds get a little skinnier. Every now and then,
however, you get a real mother of a summer after a semi-dry winter and the
usual reserves just don't cut it. You're being told when you can and can't
water your lawn, the brush catches fire if you give it a good steely gaze and
the coyotes are brave enough to start stalking 7-11 customers for their Big
Gulps. Soon, my lovelies, the rains will come. The writers will get their
collective heads out of their collective ascots long enough to figure out that
they are driving us down a road to nowhere, read the map and find our way to
the oasis. For the time being, think of all the time you have to organize your
spice rack, read a good book, take a bubble bath, kayak the rapids or do your
nails while GH only takes fifteen minutes to watch.
Again, it was another week of incredible letters from you folks in the
reading/viewing audience. I am interweaving your remarks with mine, since the
readers pretty well covered all the bases and all that is needed is my own
commentary. I really regret that, due to space, I am unable to reprint all of
the hundreds of wonderful letters I receive, but I am honored to be able to
share some of the very best with you. (By the way, I did not change grammar or
punctuation in the letters sent to me).
DEATH BECOMES HIM
"Just when and where did Stefan get so buffed up and tan that every
scene since his death he is bare chested and lying about in bed with his
blonde plaything? He looks like he would fit in better on Sonny's island than
either pasty white Sonny or Carly."
You know, what can you say about a guy who is just enjoying the hell out
of being dead. He romps with his Laura look alike…she doesn't demand
anything from him and he has his entertainment delivered, compliments of
Andreas, on CD every few days. He's looking good and he knows it. When the
woman that you have loved your whole life suddenly despise you, your mother
wants you dead and no one believes you DIDN'T KIDNAP THE DAMNED KID, what
better way to get them back but to remember that living well, (or dying well)
is the best revenge? You go, Stefan.
"I don't know how old [Monica] is supposed to be on the show, but I'm
betting she has to be well past 40. Don't know about other women who have
found out they were pregnant at that age, but I can tell you from experience
that my first reaction was not one of joy. It was more like OH SH**!! I can
tell you it is no fun chasing a 2 year old at 43. They can out run you big
Ah, the words of a wise woman. The age of croning is a blessed time and of
course, many women who have not yet procreated most likely feel the rush to do
so as it approaches. Having raised two generations of children, one set as a
very young mom and one as a very old mom, I can sum it up as a real flip flop
in the patience:energy ratio. I enjoy my second set of little ones so much
more than I did my first, simply because I am better able to focus on them,
their needs and their wonderfulness more so than I did as a young person. This
time, I have done the whole stay at home mom thing and I love it. But man, you
can really feel the age creeping in when you are cleaning up your second
unwound roll of toilet paper of the day (a big rubber band around it does
wonders UNLESS the adults in the house refuse to replace it after snagging
their squares) and fruitless trying to sweep up the giant sized canister of
baby powder from your bedroom (after it has been liberated from said
canister). Somehow, I just can't see Monica doing that. I can really feel that
all of her kids have turned out to be such screw ups that she's anxious to
either redeem herself or screw up yet another innocent victim, but I must say
that I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that they have decided to not have
her test positive. Is this the health scare that the Q's experience? We've
done the illness thing with Monica, so I'm praying for peri-menopausal
symptoms as opposed to a drawn out, complex sickness.
"Although I am not a big AMC fan, I have been keeping up with the
Alex/Anna thing and I am simply ahast that noone seems to be concerned that
Alex is really Anna Devane. I have heard rumour that Tristan Rogers is being
courted my AMC, that implies to me that Robert is alive as well. This changes
A LOT of things in Port Charles. Surely that will affect the Mac and Felicia
story, as well as influence Luke. Won't Robin care that her parents are alive
(although she obviously didn't care that Mac and Felicia and the girls were
having problems)? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE explain why I seem to be the only one
who cares about this. When they first cast Finola on AMC everyone was buzzing,
and now that it's answered, no one is listening."
"Tried to watch AMC the other day but quickly lost interest."
"....I have been seeing the blerbs on AMC for the Alex/Anna story. Are
they trying to, yet again, get us to watch AMC cause our Anna is Alex or what
You got it in one, doll. They are STILL trying to hook us into watching
AMC with the Anna/Alex hook. I'm not biting. I loved Anna Devane and thought
she was a great character. It's intriguing that *supposedly* Tristan Rogers
has been hanging around the AMC studios. But I'm not going to start watching
yet another daytime drama because some ABC bigwigs decided to play dirty. I'm
even a little scathed that there are constantly references on GH to things
that happen on PC. I don't/can't even GET Port Charles and so I'm totally in
the dark on the shooting in the parking lot of Jake's or Julie Whozit stealing
Lucy's baby. Don't bait us like that and think that we're going to tune in and
see what's going on. My opinion is that none of the soaps should be
interlinked in any way except for the very occasional trans-soap slide like
when Marco Dane from ancestral OLTL did business with Sonny yonks ago. That's
cute and funning. This is insulting and manipulative. It's understandable that
there will be occasional cross-overs since the people of PC and GH live in the
same town, but it needs to be kept exclusive to the information for that show
rather than dropping little tidbits here and there about what's happening on
the other show. The Rae Cummings thing was the same animal dressed well. They
figure if we get hooked on her search for her daughter on OLTL, that we will
automatically follow her to Pine Valley and Port Charles. I vote that the
campaign to lure us to the other shows cease immediately and they rely on the
strengths of the shows themselves to draw up in if they're gonna.
COME INTO MY PARLOUR…
"Ewww. Yuck. Gross. But you know what? I thought they might do this. I
just hoped I was wrong. It's one time I'm sorry to be right. He's become a
prostitute, and Chloe will not thank him for it. Bye, bye Jax."
"Now Is this jax and Helena thing making your stomach sick. I mean How
deep can someones love be really. He would have to be sooo drunk that he
couldnt get it up in order to supply the WindBag anything. YUCK!!!! What will
Anderas think when he sees her doing the dirty deed with someon else. THis
whole storyline is for the birds, I thought he was leaving in June anyways
whats the deal with that. Is he or isnt he???"
"I have but one comment and that is Helena is one lucky SOB. How I envy
her that she can have Andreas and Jax at her disposal when every she desires
(and if that were me it would be every hour on the hour). Good for you
"All I can say about the Jax and Helena get together is Eeeeeeeeewwwwwww!
What a character Helena is: A desperate horney old women who uses power to get
her sex. I hope she gets killed off soon! I find her character sooooo
"!I hope TPTB don't show them doin' the nasty on Monday. I don't think I
could take it!!!! Don't get me wrong, I think that Constance Towers is perfect
as an all-around actress and why she is not in the opening credits I will
never know, BUT .... it kind of makes you do the OEJKSEOREOERK.... to think
that a 60+ woman and a 20+ man get it on, if you know what I mean! Go
Andreas!!! Enough said about that."
"I'm sure I echo the sentiments of many GH viewers when I say that so far
I find Jax in the sack with Helena less repulsive than Jax in the sack (or
couch, or field, or Italian fountain) with Chloe. There seems to be more
chemistry between Jax and Helena...."
"Given the fact Jax is leaving GH, the PTB needed to come up with a story
line for the character of Chloe. Why not tie her to the Cassadines, right?
Well, what if Chloe is Stefan's twin sister? I just have a feeling. The
psychic link between them. The connection to Helena through Helena's vision.
Helena's interest in Chloe. She's always hated Stefan, why wouldn't she just
throw away his twin sister. No doubt knew since she was pregnant, she would
have to keep one to justify her pregnancy. But if no one knew she was carrying
twins, well... we all know Helena. You must admit it, it could happen... Not
to mention the odd love/hate relationship she (Helena) has with Stefan
(forbidden and all that). Wouldn't put it past her to desire her daughter's
lover... (double yuck!)"
"Really wish they would move on with the Lucky/Helena thing. It's getting
old and slow."
"Chloe & Jax ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."
"Ok...Jax makes the ultimate screw up and does the dirty dance
w/Helena...how about pairing Mac and Chloe up afterwards? Let's face it, Mac
is the straightest thing on daytime, and Chloe is Lila revisited. Can we at
least have one happy, straight, couple?? It may be boring, but believe it or
not, there are couples out there who have happy marriages. Let Felicia go
tramping after Luke and get burned for a change!"
I have never seen so many "E's" and "W's" in my
mailbox since the Jax-Helena thing hit. What a story for Constance Towers to
play out! With Andreas close at hand, can you imagine being the bologna in
that sammich? Karen the Wub Queen who writes satires about GH on her site at
http://www.angelfire.com/ma/wubqueen/wubs.html totally cracked me up. We were
writing about Andreas' fit of jealousy (don't you just love him…what a well
groomed, handsome whack-o) and she said, "He says "I know what
Madam's TASTES are...you don't need to tell me...here OR in the
bedroom!"....she's like "oh, my dear Andreas...no need to get
upset...yada yada" It was so perfect. Only Helena could assuage poor
Andreas at a moment like that.
I definitely have no problem with a May-December romance (if you can call it
that). My husband is, in fact, 15 years younger than I am (hey, I look young,
he looks old and we've never had a weird look or "how nice of you to take
your mother out" comment), but I think that the May and the December, in
that colloquialism are actually supposed to at least be in the same YEAR.
There is certainly a degree of sexism employed in this since male stars a
PLENTY have young things hanging off their arms both on and off the screen, so
I think we need to slap ol' Helena on the back for a job well done. One of the
(many) things that does chafe me about this is Helena having to bribe (or
salary, in Andreas' case) someone to share the ride. She seems slick enough by
a long shot to abscond with just about anyone she wanted. So why, you may ask,
is Helena doing this? Three little words (definitely not THOSE three little
words, silly), "Because she can."
THE QUEST FOR A MAN FOR LAURA
"The only time Laura looks alive is when she's with Luke. She
constantly threatens Helena but there is no action behind her words. I'd like
to see her be a bit of a baddie. I hope Flea is gone for the whole summer.
She's another idiot. I need not say more."
"1) Have Edmund and Dimitri send Jackson to Port Charles to check out the
Anna/Alex connection. Have him meet Laura. He would certainly know how to
treat her right!! OR 2) Have Laura wander the floors of GH until she runs into
Ian. He is definitely another very viable option in the romance department for
As I indicated before, I am totally AMC stupid, so I'm not sure who
Jackson is, but he sound delicious. I can, as a OLTL fan, attest to the stark
manliness and massive appeal of one Thoreston Kaye, who plays Dr Ian Thornhart.
I have only seen him with short hair in a couple of brief, although usually
ill-timed moments in my head, but when he played his brother, poet Patrick
Thornhart on OLTL, he was quite the yummy Irishman. I could definitely see him
hooked up with the lovely Laura. I am dismayed to see that it appears Laura is
going to go bar-flying again. She looks good, but she's really not very good
at it and is kind of offensive to those of us who nailed down, in our younger
days, the practice to an art form. She needs to stay home with a lot of booze
for a few months and get her game down (especially holding her liquor), before
she's allowed to be seen drinking in public. She should get with Emily to
learn about the ills of waking up wearing nothing but a dead guy.
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID THIS SUMMER, BECAUSE I WATCHED IT TWO SUMMERS AGO
"Judging by the spoilers, it looks like we're heading into another
summer of "let's save Emily from some creepy guy." This is
undoubtedly going to lead to Lucky and Liz (re)discovering their love and to
the return of the "4 Musketeers," both of which will help in Lucky's
"recovery." I'm not sure what role Juan will play in everything, if
any, but all I have to say is WHY???? Why must we recycle the EXACT same
storyline from two summers ago? Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it the first
time around, but twice? Can't Guza think of something new for these teens?
They're all excellent actors and have proven their mettle in the past. It just
seems ridiculous for them to be stuck to such lame stories. The only positive
thing about this besides it causing L&L's reunion (so far) is that it
could be the reason Jason returns to town! Anyway, that's just my opinion. I
hope I turn out to be wrong."
"I feel like I'm watching a rerun where the teen storyline is concerned.
Didn't the gang just save Emily from some photographer who was posting nude
photos of her on the Internet. That was two summers ago. I thought this
storyline was going to have something to do with Lucky. I really thought I
heard somewhere that Helena, Jax, Chloe, Luke, Laura, and Lucky were going to
get wrapped up in something or other. Now I get to watch a bad remake of I
Know What You Did Last Summer. Yeah."
"Juan is a little terd. Emily make up your mind do you want to or not I
spent all my hard earned money I made sweeping floors at L&B to pay for
this cheap crappy hotel room just for us. HELLO he better just watch out or
Emily is going to get nasty
and tell him where the money really came from. WHo does he think he is, he
aint gods gift to women thats fersure. If I were Nikolas or Liz I wuld go up
to him and hit him so hard up the side of the head that it would spin until he
fell down. Then I would give him to Lucky to eat alive. If they are sooo in
love ( BTW story is getting old too) he would wait until she was ready if
"I understand that teenagers are not known for their discretion, but
since "it's best if we just keep what happened to ourselves right
now" and "there can't be any slip-ups" and "if all 4 of us
stay together and keep our mouths shut there's no way anyone will ever know
that we were anywhere near Ted" you would think that they might not want
to have this conversation at Kelly's!! Now, I understand that they know none
of the customers are on contract so they probably won't be able to speak to
the police, but even if I was in a little diner in a town where I didn't know
anyone I still might consider calling the cops if I heard someone say
"So, what did you do with Ted's body?" And since when do undercover
cops use their real name? Gee, maybe that's why he ended up dead. I'm still
waiting to see how this all ties in to every other story on the canvas like
it's supposed to. I know, maybe Ted is really Anna Devane's long lost son...no
wait, Anna adopted Rae Cummings' little girl, then gave her a sex change to
make her Ted, but, wait, Faison kidnapped him and sent him to Greece to live
with his cousins Ari and Andreas, then he went to Italy, had an affair with
Chloe and they had a son, who thanks to SORAS is really Juan who was switched
at birth with Lily's dead child."
"I think that Juan acted as any inconsiderate horny teenage boy would
have and that the character was portrayed realistically. I would have liked Em
to have smack the crap out of him. Instead of having her tell him how sorry
she was they should have had her stand up to him. For years public service
announcements have been advising teen girls that they are worth waiting for
and that they shouldn't feel pressured into having sex if they aren't ready.
So what do the bozos writing this show do - they have Em convinced that she
has to sleep with Juan so HE will be happy, never mind that it's something
that she doesn't really feel comfortable with, he will feel better and of
course that's what it's all about. WRONG MESSAGE BOZO!!!!!"
"Can I tell you that I have been actually riveted by the teen storyline?
I'm 24, but I thought that it was great. I think that we are actually able to
see what Jacob Young can actually do with his acting abilities and Amber
Tamblyn was totally believable. It was very heart-wrenching watching her cry
in the hotel room when she realized what her situation actually was. And even
Coltin Scott has gotten into his character a little bit more. It was great to
see him and Jacob interact."
"Can Juan be anymore pathetic? I couldn't believe the way he was trying
to get Emily to fulfill his sexual needs! Then at the rave Juan was being a
loser about the way he handled the whole thing. Juan may be totally ready to
take the relationship to the next level, but Emily isn't and he needs to be
more sensitive to her. If he was really Emily's so-called boyfriend, he would
be more understanding. Then the stunt he pulled at the rave with Alison was
low. This whole thing he has done has proven to me that he is a lowlife,
scumbucket who doesn't deserve Emily."
"why do you hate Emily!!!!!! there is nothing wrong with her well expect
thay thay put her with jaun instead of her one tgru love nikolas but he change
so much that you you are looking at an hole new person but get into that
later. so please try to be nice to her please"
I've been saving that last letter until I COULD be nice to Emily with a
straight face. WOW! The performance Amber Tamblyn gave in that hotel room was
dynamite. I never thought I'd say it, but I was blown away by the scream fest,
wall clawing, anywhere-but-here panic attack. And what can you say about a
scene that generates such classic lines as "I want to wash the dead off
of me" and "I can still feel his dead arm on me." Jacob Young
and Coltin Scott are really getting their gig down and working well together
and I can no longer say that hate watching the Fab Four Jr (especially now
that everyone hates Juan - Bonus!!). I'm waiting to see Lucky mop the floor
with him this week (oh please, say it'll happen before Mac plays Judge Mills
Lane and breaks them up). I don't hate Emily…I just…well, OK, I hate
Emily. I think it's a mom thing. The whole disrespect and wise mouth, never
doing what she's told then whining when she's restricted business just grates
on my nerves. It's understood that she hasn't had the most sterling of adult
role models, but she gives me an Excedrin headache number 420. I think my
favorite moment in the whole teen story this week was when Nikolas and Lucky
were hauling Ted-the-extra (who had an awfully big grin on his face for a dead
guy) out of the hotel and Nikolas reprimanded Lucky saying, "Can you make
a little more noise?" Just struck my funny chord.
CARLY AND SONNY: SIZZLE OR FIZZLE?
"I am enjoying Carly and Sonny's storyline, though. And, oh my lord,
did Laticia actually SPEAK, I think she might have had a whole conversation
with Carly. That's a first. I do really enjoy her and Reggie's little romance
"Am I the only one that cannot abide the Sonny and Carly pairing? I've
watched their scenes and I do admit to ff through a lot of the icky stuff but
I'm not buying. Maybe it's because I hate the character Carly so much that I
don't want to see her with anyone of my favorite men. They all become
p....whipped when they get involved with her. There's nothing to like about
her. No matter how you dress her she still walks like a lumber jack. Sonny
maybe a mobster but he's too sophisticated for her."
"I don't know if I am a minority here, but I am getting sick of the
Carly/Sonny thing. I think that it is getting boring to watch them be so
agreeable. On the other hand, from the spoilers, it seems that there are going
to be miscommunications and misunderstandings that might liven this storyline
up and also the fact that Jason is coming back."
"YYYUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can anyone like
this pairing??? She is still a self absorbed lying, psycho sl*t!! What
happened to Sonny's sense of --- honesty, trust and
"Sonny/Carly are getting old too. Can only take so much cute. These two
were more entertaining when they were ripping each other apart."
"I have tried so hard to make myself find something positive to say about
the current state of Sonny and Carly's story on GH. I really have. But, its
like beating my head against a brick wall to reason out WHY this story is
being so mishandled by Guza and Co. Someone...anyone....please, explain it to
I'm just not on the inside track enough to understand why the story is
going as it is. I think it's the segue into Steve Burton returning as Jason.
If Carly and Sonny are tight, it won't be as much of a choice for her to make
when he returns. If things are weird between them and Jason shows up, the
playing field between the two men evens out considerably. I think this
definitely indicates that Jason is coming back FOR Carly or at least will be
prepared to give Sonny a run for his money in pursuing her affections. Do we
know that she's going to choose Sonny? Not confirmed officially, but
trend-wise, I'm saying yes.
STAMPS OR FELONS…WHAT TO COLLECT?
"Laura and Bobbi were discussing Roy and Laura told her to hold on
tight, and Bobbi replied -Oh yeah, with both hands...(and all ten nails, both
lips, and every other possible appendage she can wrap around him)"
"Bobbie and Roy, I was soo happy when A Martinez came to the show but he
needs to get some storyline here. This making out stuff with Bobbie I just FF
thru now. I have no desire to see them making out all the time. Tony is right
to talk to her about Lucas Hello her kid or did she forget. I think so. If I
was Audery I would be firing her ass in a heart beat. Sick days Hello she has
missed weeks of work and she can use her vacation. I want that job. I havent
seen her in srubs in I dont know how long. She really needs to get a life. (
side note It was great to see Amy even if it was just for a few seconds)"
"Bobbi and Roy should have their own porn site. Think Tony should go for
custody. Maybe that would unglue Bobbi from Roy."
"When Tony was giving Roy all that attitude last week I wanted to gag. It
wasn't that long ago HE wasn't the role model anyone would want for their son.
Let's see, kidnapping, unlawful imprisionment, child neglect (he did leave
Michael alone for extended periods) and a really bad hair cut. What a
hypocrite. When Roy wasn't in jail he was helping the FBI (they are supposed
to be the good guys). Tony should be grateful Bobbie let him anywhere near
Lucas unsupervised. I sure ax h@ll would have taken a lot longer to trust the
guy that was plotting to run away with my son."
Some things just never make sense in the soaps. You have to wonder if
Logan O'Brien who plays Lucas has that Webster disease where you never age.
This kid is the Dick Clark of children in ABC Daytime. He is supposed to be
the same age as Maxi, but LuLu is closely catching up with him. I think that
all the times that he has caught Bobbie making out with some guy has stunted
his growth on all levels. It hurts to see A Martinez reduced to the role of bo-hunk.
Now that they have mended fences, I pray for Luke to return so we can have
some Roy sans Bobbie scenes.
ALL IN THE FAMILY
"AJ is really getting on my nerves. Reminds me too much of my
Boy, doesn't he remind everyone of their brother or uncle or cousin or
in-law or some dreaded family member. I think every family tree is cursed with
an AJ branch somewhere along the line.
See you next week.