Archived Lines of the Week

 01/31/2001 Wednesday
*******************************
Sonny:  Marry Me?
Carly:  Get up, Sonny.
Sonny:  No-no-no, No-no
Carly:  You're gonna hurt yourself, come on - I don't want you to pop your
stiches or something.
Sonny:  I asked you a question.
Carly:  Well, I don't understand, I mean we're already married.
*******************************
(to Helena)
Florence:  If you can't control your grandson, that's your problem, but I
will not allow you to make Gia the scapegoat.  From now on, I will thank
you to keep your nose out of my daughter's business, because if you don't,
you will have to contend with me.  And if you think you have seen
"inappropriate," Lady, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
(You Go Gurl!)
*******************************
(to Carly)
Sonny:  I guess we're meant to be - you know?  We're going to spend the
rest of our lives screwed up together.
*******************************
Gia:  Well now we know.
Nikolas:  We know what?
Gia:  That you can't dance.
*******************************
(to Helena)
Stefan:  Really Mother! Can't you find anything better to do than slink
about on the docks with your favorite towel boy?
*******************************
Alexis:  I want us to stay together.
Ned:  Do you mean that?  Or is that what you think you are supposed to say?
*******************************
(to Carly)
Sonny:  I think the way we fight, it would be good to get God's blessing.
*******************************
Carly:  Sonny Corinthos, I would love to marry you, on your little island,
in your little chapel, overlooking the sea, on a little cliff.
*******************************
Alexis:  When I fell in love with you, I fell in love with a business man,
not Mick Jagger.
Ned:  And when I fell in love with you, I fell in love with a respectable
attorney, not a mob mouthpiece.
*******************************
(about Elizabeth)
Lucky:  Actually, she's at her studio painting, for your information.
Gia:  Really?  You come home from a week away, and she wants to paint?  Am
I the only one who finds that a little strange?
*******************************
(to Elizabeth)
Gia:  You know you still seem stressed, I guess painting didn't help?
Elizabeth:  No, I'm fine, thank you.
Nikolas:  Okay, Princess Sparky, that's it.  Time to go.
*******************************
Nikolas:  I'm sure they would love to hear how you were playing
make-believe with the camera.
Gia:  That's blackmail!
Nikolas:  Well, living with you must be having an effect.
*******************************

01/30/2001 Tuesday
*************************
Alexis:  Just talk to your daughter and Bobbie about it and they'll love
you enough to accept it.
Roy:  I'm not sure it'd work that way.
Alexis:  Oh, I think it's better than, if they find out on their own and
then they wonder why you hid it from them.
Roy:  Yeah, sure, well, yeah, I'll think about that, I've been thinking
about that, I'll think about it some more.
Alexis:  Okay,
Roy:  So what do I owe you?  Thanks, I appreciate your time.
Alexis:  My meter wasn't running.
*************************
Banker:  I need the type of wine?
Luke (as Darius):  May I phone a friend?
Banker:  No.
*************************
(to the Banker's last question)
Luke  (as Darius):  I'm positive Stavros died in October, the family
celebrates - the-uh-uh- memorializes the event every year.
*************************
Monica:  Drink your tea, Edward.
Edward:  I need something stronger than that.
*************************
Carly:  Give me a hint at least.
Sonny:  Well, be patient.
Carly:  All right, is it shiny?  Can I wear it?
Sonny:  Not even close.
*************************
Sonny:  Can you be quiet for one second?
Carly:  You know I can't!
*************************

01/29/2001 Monday
************************
(to the "land-Cleveland" banker)
Luke (as Darius):  I find you extremely rude sir.  You come to my room,
unannounced, with no credentials of your own, and ask to see mine, but
obviously my breeding is better than yours.  So?  Here you are.
************************
(to Roy)
Bobbie:  A man who actually listens, how'd I get so lucky?
(you'd better be careful, Bobbie, with a man like that, it'll be hard to
slip anything by him!)
************************
Bobbie:  I think Tiffany needs my undivided attention.
Roy:  A lot of people do these days.
************************
Stefan:  For Nikolas' sake, try to look past the trouble we've had.
Laura:  The trouble we've had?!?  I watched my son mourn your death for
MONTHS!  Is that the trouble, that you're talking about?
************************
Ned:  The hall works for me.
Alexis:  Come in, sorry, come in.
************************
Sonny:  If you're not outta here in 5 seconds, you're not getting your
surprise.
Carly:  Fine!
Sonny:  One.
Carly:  Oh you're gonna count now?
Sonny:  Two.
Carly:  Come on, just give me a hint.
Sonny:  You'll really love it, Three.
Carly:  Just give it to me already!
Sonny:  Four.
(Carly races out the door)
************************
Edward:  Get out of this house!
Zander:  Why don't you make me?  Poker's right over there.
************************
(THIS LINE OF THE WEEK IS DEDICATED TO:  Tracey from "Tracey's Take" on EOS
Soap Box)
Alexis:  You shaved that thing off.
Ned:  Yeah,
Alexis:  I hated that.
Ned:  I know you did.
Alexis:  Thank you.
************************
Alexis:  Will you stay?
Ned:  You have to ask?
Alexis:  Protocol.
************************
(they hear a knock on the door)
Alexis:  Go away!
Ned:  Excellent!
Alexis:  Thank you.
************************


01/26/2001 Friday
***********************
Carly:  I can make you an omelet, do you want cheese, mushrooms, peppers?
Sonny:  You're scaring me.
Carly:  I can make an omelet!
Sonny:  All right, just make sure you scrape the black part off the bread
before you put the butter on.
***********************
Mac:  The mayor can kiss my badge!
***********************
Benny:  You're still a target.
Sonny:  Still?  Always!
***********************
Hannah:  The last time Emily was missing, you decided to drink yourself
into a coma.
AJ:  Well, that's always an option.
***********************
(about Emily & Zander)
Chloe:  She thinks they're in love.
Ned:  Oh great!  So Alexis is now, Cupid?
***********************
(about Alexis)
Chloe:  You love her Ned and she loves you.  Go see her!  NOW NED!
Ned:  Ok-ok-ok.  I'm going.
Chloe:  Okay.
Ned:  I'm gonna do this.  I'm going-I'm going.  Yeah.  I'm gonna go.  Thank
you.
***********************
(about Stefan)
Laura:  That's okay - uh Elton, he's not a photographer.
Elton:  Oh, forgive me uh- the beard.
***********************
Stefan:  I need you to persuade Nikolas to forgive me.
Laura:  Are you kidding?  Hah!
***********************

01/25/2001 Thursday
************************
Edward:  ICE, NOW!
Reginald:  No Emily, No Ice.
Edward:  No Ice, No Paycheck!
************************
Emily:  Why don't you pick the lock?
Zander:  What?
Emily:  You know, go ahead, pick it.  I'll wait here.
Zander:  I can't pick the lock, I don't know how.
Emily:  Oh, I just assumed that you could, I mean Jason and Lucky can.
Zander:  Sorry, I skipped "Breaking & Entering 101."
************************
Edward:  Lila!  Man does not live by pepperoni pizza alone!
(Later, after Lila tells Reginald to have Cook prepare dinner for 4 this
time)
Edward: God bless you, my darling.
Lila:  My bedroom door is still locked to you, Edward.
************************
Gia:  Well, what if I were your girlfriend, what would you do then?
Nikolas:  Pray.
************************
(to Alan, who is complaining about the Staff's opinions on his and Monica's
Parenting Skills)
Monica:  Well face it!  They have a point.  We have one son who's wedded to
a bottle, another who's living on the edge - God knows where, and a
daughter who is on the run with a felon who skipped bail.  Clearly we've
done something wrong!
************************

01/23/2001 Tuesday
*************************
Sonny:  I'm fine.
Carly:  Is that your code word for "it hurts like hell, but I refuse to
admit it?"
*************************
Sonny:  I'm fine.
Carly: You're not fine Sonny, you got 2 bullet holes in your chest.
*************************
(to Gia & himself)
Nikolas:  Now, who knows how many of Helena's crimes are Stefan's?  Who
wants to know?  I wish they would just kill each other and leave me the
hell alone.
*************************
Sonny:  Aren't you gonna ask me where I went after I left the hospital?
Carly:  No, you'll tell me, if you wanna tell me.  Besides, knowing you,
you probably just went driving around to tick me off.
*************************
Carly:  Well you're mean, and you're controlling, and you keep secrets when
you don't need to, and you give orders, when you could just ask, and you
don't even let me use my own kitchen.
Sonny:  My kitchen.
Carly:  It's our kitchen babe, that's my point see?  We're married.
*************************
Gia:  Well, I should be heading upstairs, you know, my beauty rest and all
that.
Nikolas:  Yeah, you'd better hurry, God knows you need it.
Gia:  Don't make jokes.
Nikolas:  Who says I'm joking?
*************************
Monica:  And if you interfere one more time, Edward - I SWEAR to God, I
will throw you out!  This is still my house!
*************************

01/19/2001 Friday
************************
(to Bobbie)
Roy:  Unless you want to join me, I mean, it's always a good idea to save
on hot water.
************************
Ned:  I was fool enough to keep my mouth shut.
Alexis:  Not for long.
************************
Carly:  You're recovering from surgery.  Who told you you were well enough
to go home?
Sonny:  What'd you do to our apartment that you don't want me to see?
************************
Roy:  We should meet in the shower more often.
Bobbie:  Why?  To conserve on hot water?
Roy:  Yeah, those heating bills can drive you to your knees.
Bobbie:  I never realized you were so practical.
Roy: Oh yeah, I'm a man of many hidden facets.
************************
Gia:  Models are very well paid.
Florence:  Yes, so are lion tamers, and um trapeeze artists, I mean if you
want to ruin your life honey, why not just go all the way?
************************
Taggert:  Looks like I got here just in time.
Sonny:  Actually, you're late.  There was a bowl of gelatin, but they took
the leftovers away.
************************
Bobbie:  Melissa completely fell apart on the stand.
Flea:  I can relate to that.
************************
(to Taggert)
Sonny:  Whatya gonna do?  Charge me with shooting myself?
************************
Taggert:  If you should happen to see Zander, tell him to turn himself in.
Sonny:  Yeah, I'll do that, and if you see Sorrel, tell him the same.
************************
Sonny:  Yeah, I'm ready to go home.
Tony:  Did it ever occur to you to check that with a doctor?
************************
Nikolas:  And I don't feel anything now.
Gia:  Denial.
Nikolas:  Or the "Cassadine Curse," whichever, I don't know.
************************


01/22/2001 Monday
************************
(to Nikolas)
Gia:  Well, my family has problems, but at least we don't fake our own
deaths.
************************
Sonny:  Promise me, Michael and you will be waiting when I get to the
Penthouse.
Carly:  Well, gee - uh Sonny, where else would we be?
************************
(about $ money $)
Emily:  How much of that do we have left?
Zander:  Enough to keep you in pixie sticks.
Emily:  But where would we find them?
Zander:  I didn't mention there's a whole box in there?
Emily:  Have you been holding out on me?
************************
(to Alexis about her marraige)
Carly:  Well it's not exactly like I had a choice in the matter.  I mean,
if I had run out on my wedding like you ran out . . . on yours, uh-sorry,
Sonny would've hijacked the semi, and the driver would have been working
for him, and hustled my butt back home anyway.
************************
Gia:  Ok, then why not sign over that $1 million in the bank to me?
Nikolas:  Touche.
Gia:  Oh, don't even get started with the fencing.
************************
(to Nikolas)
Gia:  Ok, here's the part I don't understand though.  You were brought up
by lunatics, you're nothing like them.  You don't scheme, you don't
manipulate.  You love your brother, you have great friends, you're good to
your mother, you're good at your job, I mean, you're even nice to me, when
I use up all of the hot water.   You'll never be like your family.
************************
Nikolas:  You start out normal, and then you end up just . . .
Gia:  In your case, normal is pushing it.
************************
(to Nikolas)
Gia:  Did all those tutors skip over PSYCH 101?  I mean, not that I blame
them if Grannie was around.
************************

01/24/2001 Wednesday
*******************************
NOTE:  I love Gia's outfit today!  Where can I get a sweatercoat like that?
AND Carly's baby blue coat and skirt combo is lovely also!
*******************************
Carly:  You just have to sit here then, all day, on this couch, and not do
anything at all.
Sonny:  I don't know how.
Carly:  I'll give you some couch potato lessons when I get back.
*******************************
(to Bobbie)
Flea:  You look like I do, when someone catches me snooping.
*******************************
(after Taggert got Conrad to admit his involvement in the shooting)
Mac:  Nice bluff.
Taggert:  I got no problem lying to a dirty cop, sir.
*******************************
Nikolas:  Just, ok let me finish.
Gia:  Oh, so there's more bad news.
*******************************
Mac:  Mayor McClintock, good to see you.
Mayor:  I doubt that.
*******************************
Carly:  Oh, I thought you were in Paris.
Laura:  I just got back.
Carly:  Oh, the first person you called was Elizabeth.
*******************************
Bobbie:  I have a question to ask.
Roy:  Must be my day for them.
*******************************
Carly:  Gia, why else would I have chosen you?
Gia:  To stick it to Elizabeth?
*******************************
NOTE:  The irony in Carly & Gia's conversation is hilarious.  Did you know
the actress who plays Gia has also modeled for the GAP?  I saw her in a
magazine ad just last month.
*******************************
Mike:  She loves you a lot.
Sonny:  She's a pain most the time.  She almost killed me trying to get me
dressed this morning, but um, she doesn't quit.
*******************************

01/18/2001 Thursday
****************************
(after tasting the coffee)
Alan:  What is that slop?
Edward:  Well it's not Cook's special French Roast.  That's for sure.
Alan:  (reading label)  Add water and stir?
Edward:  It's not worth the effort.
****************************
Edward:  Oh the audacity of these minions!
Ned:  Minions?  You're starting to sound like a Cassadine.
****************************
(to Stefan about Nikolas)
Alexis:  He's enjoying himself, as he should be, not dealing with his
pathological family.
****************************
(about Nikolas)
Alexis:  Stefan, if I were you, I would worry a lot less about his
roommates and a lot more about how he's going to react when he finds out
you've lied to him.  Again.
****************************
Gia:  You pulled an all-nighter didn't you?
Nikolas:  It's my house, I'm allowed.
****************************
Stefan:  Alexis, there is no reason for Nikolas to learn the details of my
disappearance.
Alexis:  Disappearance?  Is that what you're gonna call it?  It's almost as
if you had a little down time, and you just went wine tasting for the
weekend.  He thought you were DEAD!
Stefan:  It was a necessary step to protect him.
Alexis:  I don't think Nikolas is going to see it that way.
****************************
Roy:  What are you reading?
Bobbie:  Actually it's not that interesting.
Roy:  Really?  You were riveted.
****************************

01/17/2001 Wednesday
*********************************
(to Stefan)
Gia:  You're no better than Nikolas' wacked-out Grandmother!
*********************************
Lucky:  What are you doing here?
Stefan:  I don't know.
*********************************
Nikolas:  I'm sorry Grandmother, but the "divide and conquer bit," it will
not work today.
*********************************
Lucky:  It's time for you to run along.
Stefan:  I see you've become as reckless as your father.
*********************************
Emily:  Zander!  Don't you remember the terms of your bail?
(Finally, some resemblance of sanity in at least one of these two)
*********************************
Alexis:  Call your henchmen, or your goons, or whatever it is that you -
that you call them.
Sonny:  Men.
*********************************
Alexis:  You're going to wait for Zander to come to his senses?!?
Sonny:  Mmm hmm.
Alexis:  That's your plan?  That's a terrible plan!
*********************************
Alexis:  So what are you, on painkillers?  Is that why you're so calm?
Sonny:  hah, practice.
Alexis:  Look, it's your two million dollars, you're gonna lose.  If it
doesn't worry you, then I guess (mutters something unintelligible) not
gonna worry me.
*********************************
Gia:  When Stefan found out that Nikolas and I were living together, he
almost choked on his silver spoon.
Lucky:  I can imagine.
Gia:  He acted as if I were some crack addicted hooker!
*********************************
(about Nikolas)
Gia:  Well, what?  When he turns 25 and this gigantic fortune is dropped in
his lap . . .
Lucky:  Then he's gonna just suddenly morph into some pretentious jerk?
*********************************
Lucky:  Don't bail on him, Gia.
Gia:  Well, as long as he doesn't up the rent, I guess I'll stick around.
Lucky:  Sure, whatever.
Gia:  What does that mean?
Lucky:  Well, if you and Nikolas haven't figured it out, I'm not going to
say anything.
*********************************
Helena:  You might also rethink some of the other supposed truths that he
has told you, such as the notion that I am "Evil Incarnate."
Nikolas:  That I've seen for myself.
*********************************
(about Zander)
Alexis:  I'm not allowed to discuss my client's affairs.
Carly:  Oh, I love it when attorneys talk to me like that!  So, basically,
he's guilty as sin.
Alexis:  Whatever you may have surmised is client/attorney priviledge, so
I'm going to have to ask you, not to act on that.
Carly:  Ok.
Sonny:  It's important.
Carly:  I got it.
*********************************
Carly:  So, I don't have to stand out there with a butcher knife and guard
you?
Sonny:  Well you can if you want to, but people are gonna look at you like
you're a little strange.
*********************************
Carly:  Let's just say, for instance, I found Zander, and I brought him
back, and then I took that two million dollars, that you get refunded from
your bail money, and I used it to launch a new "Face of Deception" ad
campaign, cuz I know that mine would be far superior to Laura's.
Sonny:  When did you train as a bounty hunter?
Carly:  Well, I'm NOT, but I'll find one.  I'll let my fingers do the
walkin.'
Sonny:  Yellow pages under "B?"
*********************************
Sonny:  All right, let me get this straight.  You want to turn Zander in to
the police, get him locked up, so you can pay for some magazine ads?
Carly:  Yeah, basically.
Sonny:  Doesn't that sound a little (pause) cold to you?
Carly:  No.
*********************************
Sonny:  When did you become so ruthless?
Carly:  I learned it from you baby.  Can be very sexy.
*********************************
Carly:  You know exactly who I am, and you love me anyway, dontcha?
Sonny:  You don't give me much choice.
*********************************

01/16/2001 Tuesday
***************************
Roy:  I thought - uh, I thought women always told their best friends when
they're going out of town.
Flea:  Bobbie usually does.
***************************
QUESTION:  How the heck did Emily plan on keeping her balance on that roof
with those silly boots on?
***************************
Ned:  Don't think about getting started on anything.  You don't have the
time.
Alexis:  Since when?
Ned:  Since I don't know when Zander's going to be back, and I want to take
full advantage.  Mmmm (kisses her).
Alexis:  But what if Zander does come back - huh?
Ned:  You're right.  We'd better relocate to the bedroom.
***************************
(thinking Zander is the one knocking on her door . . .)
Alexis:  Why aren't you using your key?  (opens the door)
Helena:  You never gave me one.
***************************
Sonny:  You're dumber than I thought, Sorrel.  You lookin' to arrest you
for Murder 1?  If you had a brain, you'd be on the next plane to South
America.
Sorrel:  Oh, I have my travel plans, but I didn't want to leave without a
fitting goodbye.
***************************
(to Helena)
Ned:  I doubt Alexis invited you over, and I know I didn't - so why don't
you leave?
***************************
(about Helena's visit)
Ned:  Are you okay?
Alexis:  My brother is turning into her!  No I'm not okay!
***************************
Stefan:  There are people of many colors of royal heritage and breeding.
Nikolas:  You make me sound like a dog!
***************************
Stefan:  All things in their proper place.  As long as you adhere to that,
and are discreet, you may have as many liasons with as many Gia's as you
like.
Nikolas:  Gia is not a liason.  We're living together.
***************************
Gia:  Well, see you around, Roomie.
Nikolas:  I'll be here, Sparky.
***************************
Sonny:  What happened with you getting some sleep?
Carly:  What is it with you, always thinking about me in a bed?
***************************
Sonny:  Laura wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important.
Carly (to Laura):  Can you hold on for a second?
Carly (to Sonny):  I'm not gonna leave you here!
Sonny:  I'm fine.
Carly:  That's what you said last time, I came back and Sorrel was standing
over the bed with a pillow, Sonny!
***************************
(to Tammy)
Roy:  And don't worry about the kitchen.  I won't blow it up, I'm not Luke.
***************************
Helena:  Are you alone?
Nikolas:  Yes Grandmother, and I would like it to stay that way.
***************************

01/15/2001 Monday
************************
Carly:  Are you still feeling strength?
Sonny:  Forget it, I'm not that easy.
************************
(to Stefan about Nikolas)
Alexis:  How many times are you going to lie to him?  More importantly, how
many times are you going to ask ME to?
************************
Lucky:  I-uh, took the day off.
Liz:  Oh!  Well then, in that case - why don't you find your brother and
see if he can play?  I've got work to do.
************************
NOTE:  I don't like what Zander is doing - lying to Sonny to get $$$ to go
see Emily.  That ain't right.  Zander probably shouldn't leave the state,
let alone Port Charles, since he just made bail!  The police will LOVE this
new turn of events, not to mention how the Qs & Alexis will take it!
************************
(to Stefan)
Ned:  So what happened?  Nikolas either found out, or is about to?  And
according to the "Cassadine Crisis Management Handbook," the solution would
be, what?  Tell another lie?
************************
Lucky:  I spent all day - every day - fighting this frustration and it
would get me in a really bad mood, but I didn't take it out on Elizabeth.
Of course, I always have been a little more brilliant than you.
Nikolas:  I'm not fighting with Gia so I can sleep with her.
************************
Zander:  I'll be upstairs if you need me.
Ned:  Oh joy.
************************

01/12/2001 Friday
************************
Monica:   . . . And if I have to, I will fire all of you!
Reginald:  Okay.
Edward:  Hey!  Now see here!
Reginald:  Look, Okay?  First of all, good luck replacing us ok?  You
people are impossible!  And second of all - I'll say it slowly, since you
don't seem to have gotten it the first FIFTEEN times I've said it - We work
for Lila.  Lila wants Emily home.  Until Emily's returned home, YOU, are on
your own!  Bub-Bye.
************************
Alexis:  I can come with you.  I can explain Zander's legal status.
Ned:  Are you sure about that?  My family hasn't seen you since a certain
non-event.  They may feel tempted to weigh in.
Alexis:  They'd be entitled.
Ned:  Uh-huh.  And they're also Quartermaines, which means they can bite.
Alexis:  I guess I have to get used to that, don't I?  Anyway, I hope I end
up like Lila, be atypic, revered.  Can I go now?
************************
Edward:  You know what?  We'll take away their swimming priviledges.  You
know how Reginald likes to preen by the pool.
Alan:  That's going to have a big impact in January.
************************
(to Ned & AJ)
Alexis:  You mean you both agree on something?!?
************************

01/10/2001 Wednesday
********************************
Lucky:  What am I not hearing?
Liz:  Quiet.
********************************
(to Zander, who was wearing a suit)
Alexis:  Oh!  Look at you!  You look like a real boy!
********************************
(to Alan & Monica)
Emily:  I will never get adjusted!  You're punishing me for defending a
friend!  I've done everything you asked, I-I-I come straight home on my
curfew, I get straight A's!  You treated me better when I was doing drugs
and tried to fly off the roof.
********************************
(to Edward)
Zander:  I've had people trying to kill me for months.  You think I'm going
to back down, because some old FOSSIL is chasing me down with a poker.
********************************
(to Edward)
Lila:  All you've done is make things worse for her --  Blowhard!
********************************

01/09/2001 Tuesday
**************************
Emily:  You'll be fine.
Zander:  We'll be fine.  Shoot me.
**************************

01/08/2001 Monday
****************************
(to Flea)
Sorrel:  I think someone has delusions of being a "Charlie's Angel."  It's
a bad move Mrs. Scorpio.  I don't think it will turn out well for you.
****************************
Tony:  Uh - Carly, the nurse just informed me that you agitated Sonny.  Now
his heart and half his lungs are held together with stitches.  Do you WANT
TO kill him?
****************************
Helena:  You see?  Mommy's been busier than you thought, while you were
away.
Stefan:  You know, bluffing won't help you here, Mommy.
****************************
(about Roy)
Laura:  I always got the feeling that he wanted to forget the past.
Bobbie:  Me too, but I'm not sure the world is working with him on that.
****************************
(about how Sonny is doing)
Carly:  Uh, right back to normal, controlling as ever.
Laura:  Oh!  Well that's good, I mean - I mean I guess.
****************************
Mac:  I don't know whether to thank you, or wring your neck, Felicia.
Flea:  You're welcome.
****************************
Bobbie:  Carly, you know Sonny just survived multiple gunshot wounds to the
chest, and major surgery, and come on, he's allowed to be a little
untempered.
Carly:  What's his excuse the rest of the time?
****************************

01/05/2001 Friday
*****************************
NOTE:  EGAD!  Juan with facial hair?!?  Yuck!
*****************************
Carly:  Does your chest hurt?  Feel it?
Sonny:  Yeah,
Carly:  I'm sorry baby,
Sonny:  Beats being dead.
*****************************
Chloe:  I told you, I have some very fond memories from that island.
Stefan:  I know you told me, but I still think you spent most of your time
dreaming up elaborate escape plans.
*****************************
Amy:  I saw him handeling things in the reception area.  He's good, and he
gives good phone,
Laura:  Yeah, that's important.
Amy:  MmmHmm, but there is one major problem.
Laura:  What?
Amy:  Elton, is a gossip.
(ROTFLMAO, and what does that make Amy?)
*****************************
(To Alexis, about Zander)
Ned:  Honey, everytime I turn around, you and Emily are with this guy - so
you might as well be painting targets on your foreheads.
*****************************
Zander:  Yeah, um thanks to Alexis and Emily, I have a second chance.
AJ:  Well, so, you have any ideas on - uh - what you're going to do with
it?
*****************************
Zander:  I knew the "Nice Guy Act" wouldn't last.
AJ:  You took the words right out of my mouth.
*****************************
(to Emily)
Zander:  You know, I think I liked the brother who pulled the gun on me, at
least he was honest.
*****************************
Amy:  Uh, really, I've seen it happen.  Gossipy people can be so disruptive
in the workplace.
Laura:  Is that so?
*****************************
(to the Quartermaines)
AJ:  I never thought I'd say these words, I agree with Grandfather.
*****************************

01/04/2001 Thursday
*****************************
(to Monica, about her idea of getting bodyguards for Emily)
Alan:  What are you talking about?  Sonny Corinthos had bodyguards and they
shot him down in the street!
*****************************
Laura:  What language is this written in?
Scotty:  Can't you read my chicken scratch?
*****************************
(to Laura about an important call)
Elton:  Make him wait just a moment, it's important not to seem too
anxious.
Scotty:  Just give her the phone!
Elton:  Ready?  You're in control!
*****************************
Laura:  Why are you interrogating Mr. Herbert?
Scotty:  Cuz I'm a lawyer.
*****************************
(to Laura)
Scotty:  Now make sure he's got references, and I've gotta deposition
downstairs, but I'm (turns to Elton) going to BE BACK.!
*****************************
Lucky:  You know, I was just telling Elizabeth that the reason why Gia
probably shows off, is just to get your attention.  So why don't you just
put us all out of our misery and ask her out.
Nikolas:  Nah, I can't go down that road.  It'll make our living situation
tougher than it already is.
Lucky:  Or it could make it, better.
*****************************

I have to say, I think today's episode was HILARIOUS (except for the
poignant Carly/Sonny/Lily moments)!

01/03/2001 Wednesday
*******************************
Ned:  So, um, does it come naturally?  Or have you been taking lessons?
Zander:  What?
Ned:  Well, I don't really know what it's called.  I've not quite figured
that out, but I know that Sonny is a master at it.  He convinces otherwise
rational, intelligent women that he needs their protection and
understanding.  And they defend him.  Literally, in Alexis' case.  They go
into business with him.  They take him on as a partner, and then, of
course, risk their lives every time they go near him, and then I tell them
that he is-uh-a racketeer, and so they nod, like they understand.  And then
they say "But." And now I'm hearing that same thing after your name,
Zander.  "Zander's a kidnapper - BUT,"  "He's a drug dealer - BUT, "  "He
gets Emily shot at - BUT . . ."
Zander:  Well as far as I'm concerned, you're comparing me to Sonny is a
compliment.
*******************************
(to Zander)
Ned:  Alexis is probably the least domestic woman I've ever met, and there
she is - scrounging around the kitchen trying to come up with a can of soup
for you!
*******************************
(to Zander)
Alexis:  Who am I kidding?  Really?  I can't cook you anything better than
they did for you in prison - so we're going to order take-out.
*******************************
Alexis:  You can't go outside Zander!  People are trying to kill you!
*******************************
Alexis:  Zander, I am NOT kidding!  I have put a lot of hard work and
heartache into you.  Don't make me regret it by becoming the "thoughtless
punk" that I keep telling everyone that you are not.
*******************************
(about Zander, after he goes outside)
Alexis:  He's gonna get shot and killed.
Ned:  No, my luck hasn't been that good lately.
Alexis:  It's official, you're finally turning into your grandfather.
*******************************
Carly:  I told you he'd live, didn't I ?
ICU Guy:  Yes, you did.
(ROTFLMAO!)
*******************************
(after Zander's knocking interrupts yet another kiss between Ned & Alexis)
Ned:  That kid sets a new world record for bad timing.
*******************************
Ned:  All right, fine!  You're staying in the guest room.  Zander can stay
on the couch.
Zander:  That's fine.
Emily:  Well, he's been shot - shouldn't he stay in the guest room?
Ned:  He was healthy enough to track you down.  This is a compromise Emily,
take it.
*******************************
(to Lucky & Liz)
Gia:  I'll just wait for Nikolas outside, that's IF he doesn't get shot
taking your good friends Emily and Zander home.
*******************************
(to Gia)
Nikolas:  Do you want a ride home or not?
Lucky:  Oh, you're leaving?  Gee that's too bad.
*******************************
Gia:  Hey, I'm really glad you didn't get killed tonight.
Nikolas:  Me too.
*******************************
(to an unconscious Sonny)
Carly:  Look, I know this is probably too much to ask, considering how you
almost died a minute ago, but uh, NOW would be a really good time for you
to wake up.  You know I'm holding on to faith here, but - uh, I gotta tell
ya.  I'm getting tired.  Cuz, I don't do real well with all these lights
and machines and stuff.  Probably, to be honest, I would have made a really
bad nurse, which is not so shocking, considering I didn't do so very well
at the Quartermaine's.  And I always thought I'd make a fabulous rich
person, but then I didn't ever really think that I'd be married to a man
who hated my guts, and find out he's the only man I'd ever love.
(LATER)
 . . . And that stupid doctor, who tried to say that you were dead, what's
the matter with them?
*******************************

01/02/2001 Tuesday
****************************
Monica:  Why couldn't you come up with a reason to keep Zander in the
hospital?
Alan:  I'm trying to run a hospital, not a jail.
Monica:  Well, that's where he is now, right?
****************************
Ned:  Do Alan and Monica know about this?
Alexis:  I don't usually clear my living arrangements with the
Quartermaines.
****************************
NOTE:  Emily looks very pretty today!  I like the way her orange and yellow
clothing bring out the red in her hair.
****************************
(To Zander)
Alexis:  You're still a target.
Ned:  So you put him up in your apartment?  Am I missing the logic in this?
****************************
Liz:  So what'd you guys bring?  That macaroni and cheese you made for
Thanksgiving was amazing!
Gia:  That's usually just for family.
****************************
NOTE:  ROTFLMAO!  The scene with Lucky & Liz kissing each other every 10
seconds to keep from "sniping" at Gia was HILARIOUS!
****************************
(about Melissa, the sister of they guy who died before parole, that Roy
helped put away, blah blah blah)
Bobbie: You dated?
Roy:  Some, yeah.
Bobbie:  Well, that's ok, I mean you know I haven't been - exactly been
sitting around myself for the last 20 years.
****************************
(after breaking away from their kiss)
Stefan:  I realize we're supposed to be playing cards.
Chloe:  Do you hear me complaining?
****************************

12/22/2000 Friday
******************************
Mac:  I will give you any police protection I can.
Zander:  Oh yeah?  The kind I got in here?  Threats on my life?  Dead rat
on my lunch tray?  Yeah - no thanks!
******************************
Sorrel:  Doublecheck, this is going down today, and it has to go off like
clockwork.
******************************
Liz:  But can you help me out on something first, before you go to the
police station?
Emily:  Of course, after all, you're the one that has to dress up like an
elf, not me.
******************************
Carly:  Well coffee contracts and Emily's kidnapper are not a priority at
the moment.
Alexis:  Really?  What about Sorrel?  Because he just threatened me.
******************************
Nikolas:  What, don't you say "Hello" anymore?
Gia:  Sorry, do I seem like a self-deserving person to you?
Nikolas:  Moderately.
******************************
Gia:  They're letting Zander back out on the streets?
Liz:  Well if blackmailers can run around loose - why not Zander?
******************************
Mac:  You stay within the law and Taggert and I will back you up.
Roy:  That might be an option, if Larkin were playing by the rules - but we
both know he's not.
******************************
(to Laura)
Scotty:  I just wish I would have splurged and got you the business cards
to go with the sign.
******************************

12/26/2000 Tuesday
******************************
(to Lulu)
Laura:  No honey, I don't think Daddy's be with us this Christmas, but
we're going to have a good one anyway, I promise.
Amy:  You know, I'll bet Scotty would never bail out on Christmas.
Laura:  Bye Amy.
******************************
Dara:  You expect ME to babysit?
Alexis:  I don't know - you tell me - you think a cell is safer?
******************************
Flea:  This is how you feel when you see me with Luke - isn't it?  You just
want to jump down an elevator shaft.
Mac:  Jump? No, Shove!  Oh - I'm the police commissioner, I can't think
that way.
******************************
Emily:  Bail's set at two million dollars, how unfair is that?
Ned:  Well, for kidnapping you at gunpoint, and dragging you along the
Canadian border, I'd say that sounds a little low.
Emily:  Please don't sound like Grandfather!
******************************
Sonny:  I'll take care of it, tonight.
Alexis:  You have two million cash lying around in your apartment?
Sonny:  Yeah.
******************************
(after Alexis walks in on Sonny and Carly, who are entwined on the floor)
Alexis:  Carly, Good night.
Carly:  It was gonna be, but . . . ah . . .
******************************
(to Ned)
Alan:  Alexis is a fool, brilliant, but a complete fool.
******************************
Alexis:  There you go!  Two Million Dollars Cash.
Sonny:  Would you like to count it?
Dara:  I don't want to get my hands dirty.
******************************
Alexis:  Now are you going to get me my client? or am I going to call a
judge?
Dara:  You know, he's right over there.
Alexis:  Well, that's not the same as right over here.
******************************
Sonny:  Damn you're good!
Alexis:  I'm just doing my job.
******************************

12/21/2000 Thursday
*****************************
Alexis:  I walked out on him, publicly, I mean, not that there's been many
private moments between us . . .
Chloe:  That's the thing the 2 of you need, is private moments.
*****************************
(About Gia)
Carly:  It's more than that Laura - It's her bones, her style, her height,
her presence, she's a natural . . .
*****************************
Edward:  You know what Ned?  You're a damn fool!
*****************************
Carly:  Elizabeth, being Lucky's girlfriend - how is that not personal?
Laura:  And Gia?  Being Nikolas' girlfriend?  Thank you very much for that
dynamic, Carly.
*****************************
Edward:  Since when do you take "No" for an answer, Ned?  Go get her!  Just
turn on all that charm that you're so proud of, and win her back!
*****************************
Ned:  You're doing this for Grandmother aren't you?
Edward:  Well, Lila is my, heh-heh, saving grace, and I think Alexis is
yours.  She's strong, and she's smart, and she won't put up with any of
your manipulations, and you NEED her, and you KNOW IT!  So, I want you to
swallow that wounded pride of yours, and go get her, before it's too late!
Dammit!
*****************************
Chloe:  Stefan Cassadine, I do not need marked cards to beat you at Gin!
*****************************
(to Gia)
Nikolas:  I keep telling myself that you're nervous and overcompensating,
but it sure comes off as obnoxious!
*****************************

12/20/2000 Wednesday
*****************************
AJ:  You know one of the things I always liked about you Carly . . .
Carly:  I never liked anything about you, AJ
AJ:  You're practical, most matron of honor's might be a little worried
about the runaway bride, but not CarlyBabes, No, you have your priorities
in check, dontcha?
Carly:  Wish I woulda flagged down a semi instead of marrying you.
*****************************
NOTE:  Hannah needs to keep her mouth shut and stay out of it.  AJ provoked
Carly, not the other way around.  Hannah needs to mind her own damn
business!
*****************************
(to Jake)
Alexis:  I don't suppose you have change for a 1/2 a sixpence do you?
*****************************
Guy in Jake's Bar:  You been to a wedding?
Alexis (in a bridal gown):  What do you think?
*****************************
(to Chloe about Alexis)
Ned:  Fleeing the scene of your own wedding, qualifies as a first move.
*****************************
Carly:  What's the deal Hannah-Banana?  You defending baby killers now?
*****************************
AJ:  Hannah, just back off ok?
(WELL SAID AJ !!!)
*****************************
Johnny:  Carly wants her earrings back.
Alexis:  You're kidding right?
*****************************
(about the white chocolate wedding cake)
Stefan:  What about the top tier?  Think anyone will miss that?
Chloe:  That's an excellent observation.
*****************************
Chloe:  Admit it Stefan, you love it.
Stefan:  Cut the cake.
*****************************
Nikolas:  Carly may not believe in you - she's doing this - probably to
spite Elizabeth.
Gia:  Well, the camera doesn't know that.
*****************************
Nikolas:  All right, Sparky, just remember who you're dealing with, ok?
Gia:  Let's go, I need my beauty rest!
*****************************
(to Sonny on the Cell Phone)
Carly:  Alexis ran out.  No it wasn't funny.  She was wearing my earrings.
*****************************

12/19/2000 Tuesday
******************************
Laura:  You are a really good Daddy to Serena.
Scotty:  Well you know, I like kids, when they're properly cooked.
******************************
Flea:  I'm supposed to be at Ned & Alexis' wedding.  Think they'll notice
I'm not there?
Tony:  Not 'till they read the guestbook, but they will notice if you
freeze to death!
******************************
Nikolas:  Are you ready?
Alexis:  I'm breathing.
Nikolas:  Think you can walk and breathe?
Alexis:  If I concentrate really hard.
******************************
Flea:  What do I have to offer Luke?  You know, twice a week from 1-2?  or
something?
Tony:  You need to ask yourself "What has Luke got to offer you?"
******************************
Leslie:  Maybe Amy has a point.
Laura:  Yeah!  Too bad her hair covers it (sticks out her tongue at Amy
playfully).
******************************
Laura:  Hey, can I ask you a favor?
Scotty:  Ok, you can kiss me.
******************************
Laura:  Well, can I interest you in a little legal work then?
Scotty:  Oh, so I wouldn't have to pose in a Speedo?
Laura:  As corporate counsel of Deception, you would be appropriately
dressed at all times.
Scotty:  But what about all the chicks?
******************************
Edward:  Never let it be said, I told you so.
Monica:  Oh, put a sock in it, Edward!
******************************
(about Laura)
Serena:  She's going to be your boss?
Scotty:  Yes, she needs my help, and - um, she pays well.
******************************
(to Stefan)
Helena:  Would you rather toast with Port?
******************************
Bobbie:  Well you're either feeling better, or that was a very good act.
Carly: "B"
******************************
Alexis:  What?
Jake:  Pardon me for staring.  We don't get many brides in here.
******************************

12/18/2000 Monday
****************************
NOTE:  I like Bobbie's new hairstyle, but I did not like Emily's hair
today.  Emily could look so pretty, she needs more body in her hair.
****************************
Alexis:  Lila?  Did you have 1/2 a sixpence?  or do you have another secret
for making your marriage last so long?
Lila:  Love your husband, even when he infuriates you.
****************************
Elton:  The bad news is - we may not have a dress.  Ms.  Morgan is not
answering my phone calls, the press has already arrived, my reputation is
on the line . . .
Alexis:  (puts the paper bag over his mouth) Breathe, breathe Elton.  It'll
be ok, because I have my lucky half sixpence.
****************************
Carly:  They're the luckiest thing that I own and I actually wore them when
Sonny and I got married, and we're doing ok.  We're doing better than ok so
. . .
Alexis:  If they got you and Sonny married, they can surely do the trick
for Ned and me!
Carly:  Just don't lose them ok?
Alexis:  I won't.
****************************
Carly:  I-uh-I still think you're nuts for marrying into the Quartermaines.
Alexis:  I'm not marrying the Quartermaines, I'm marrying Ned.
Carly:  I know, but you think of yourself as a rational person, right?
****************************
Bobbie:  Oh, because you've got that "out for revenge" look about you.
Luke:  That's just my natural charming demeanor.
****************************
Alexis:  Elton, stop panicking!  Go panic about the flowers!
****************************
Roy:  I've got no problem being seen with a beautiful woman on each arm, I
think it's good for my reputation.
****************************
Ned:  Ok, so give me the rings.
Alan:  What do you mean "Give you the rings?"
Ned:  Don't you have them?
Alan:  No.
Ned:  (inhales sharply), Here they are!
Alan:  You Dog!  That's not funny.
****************************
Emily:  In less than an hour - you're going to be a Quartermaine.
Alexis:  I'm looking forward to it.
****************************
Mac:  If Stefan Cassadine's right . . .
Luke:  You're still in communication with the undead?
****************************
(to Ned about Alexis)
Edward:  She sees you for who you are (chuckles), and she loves you anyway.
****************************
Alexis:  You just saved Elton from a coronary.
Chloe:  You were worried?
Elton:  Well, you didn't answer my phone calls.
Chloe:  I was working on her gown, I couldn't take time out to reassure
you.
****************************
NOTE:  When Helena entered, I thought "Gee is she going to curse this
wedding too?"  then I thought "Well, then again if Ned and Alexis last at
least as long as Luke and Laura did, that is good, and perhaps they will
break the curse in the process."
****************************


12/15/2000 Friday
*****************************
(about Stefan & Chloe)
Luke:  Yet another beautiful blonde . . . this creep is a babe magnet.
*****************************
Edward:  Ned, I know that this is not very important to you, you know, a
man who's been down the aisle as many times as you have, you could probably
get married in your sleep.
*****************************
Emily:  AJ, can't you say anything nice at all?
AJ:  I thought I was!
Emily:  You need to try a little bit harder.
AJ:  All right, um, I wish you-I wish you all the marital happiness that
the rest of the Quartermaines have been blessed with.
*****************************
Lila:  AJ, dear, you did such a wonderful job ordering the Thanksgiving
pizzas.  Could you possibly do the honors again?
*****************************
(to Scotty about Luke)
Roy:  I mostly put up with him to get in good with his sister.
*****************************
(about AJ)
Monica:  Don't insult my son.
Carly:  Why not?  You all do it so well.
*****************************
Chloe:  Your dress was destroyed.
Alexis:  My dress was destroyed?  What am I supposed to wear down the
aisle?  What the hell am I supposed to wear?  My underwear?  Wait a minute,
I'll just wear my teddy.  The media will love that!
*****************************
NOTE:  All I have to say is:  WELL SAID NED!  You did a great job telling
off your family.  They need to behave, you are absolutely right!
*****************************
Sonny:  You know something?  I don't think you will ever lose your
identity.  You're pretty consistent there.
Alexis:  Consistently, neurotic . . .
Sonny:  Yeah, that too.
*****************************
Alexis:  You know?  For-for a contemptable person, you can be kinda sweet.
Sonny:  Yeah?  Kinda?
*****************************
NOTE:  I wanted to cry during the Sonny/Carly goodbye scene, and the
Ned/Alexis make-up scene.  awwwwww.  That was some killer acting there!
*****************************

12/14/2000 Thursday 
************************* 

Emily: Grandfather, what is the point of having a list, if you're not going to follow what it says in the first place? 
************************* 

Luke: This is the perfect time to strike, Helena's otherwise involved. 
Flea: Don't count on that. 
Luke: Come on, of course she is! She is busy! "Steffe's" back from the grave, it's the perfect time to go to Istanbul. Nobody's gonna notice any bogus relatives like "Nefarious Darius" or even the lovely "Olga." 
************************* 

Flea: You're not gonna go to Istanbul dressed as that "Darius-thing" are you? 
Luke: I certainly am! I bought the wig, I'm going to wear it! 
************************* 

Carly: Well, I don't know, I mean "Mr. 1%" wants to go shopping for a Christmas Tree - what can I do? You're gonna have to tell your pal Laura though. 
Sonny: No problem. 
************************* 

Lila: What if you've finally found the right woman? 
Ned: Oh, I have no question. 
Lila: Then why do you need another "rehearsal?" (I just love the double meaning of that word "rehearsal") 
************************* 

Chloe: What about having Helena Cassadine for a mother? 
Ned: I'll introduce you to Tracy someday. (I think Hels and Tracy would really be a hatefully intriguing combination!) 
************************* 

Sonny: You want to spray on snow - from a can? 
Carly: Yeah, I mean it's so pretty. 
Sonny: We're in upstate New York, it's gonna snow any second. 
************************* 

Chloe: Aren't you going to open it? 
Stefan: And appear greedy? 
*************************

12/13/2000 Wednesday
 ********************************* 

Edward: Well, we don't have any secrets from one another . . . 
Ned: Since when? 
********************************* 

NOTE TO HAIRSTYLISTS: What is up with Stefan's hair? Since he escaped from the island, he is having terrible hair-days!
********************************* 

Hannah: If you're a "Bah Humbug" type of guy, then you need to tell me right now. Taggert: Is this a trick? 
Hannah: The future of our relationship hangs in the balance. ********************************* 

NOTE TO HAIRSTYLISTS: WOW! Emily's hair is all one color for once! Cool! Now she just needs some body in her hair so it isn't so straggly and flat. ********************************* 

(Carly & Sonny talk about him signing over the 1% of Deception to Carly) Carly: You promised! 
Sonny: Well, I said that you could persuade me, and you-and you didn't. ********************************* 

Carly: Give me that stock or you sleep alone. 
Sonny: It's gonna be a long cold winter. 
Carly: Yeah? It's your choice. 
Sonny: I'll miss you. 
********************************* 

(to Emily) Gia: What? I make one mistake and I'm a pariah for life? You know, Zander's crimes are multiple choice. 
********************************* 

Gia: Thanks for lending me your Jag. 
Nikolas: It's still in-uh one piece? 
********************************* 

(to Helena) Nikolas: What's on your mind? On the anniversary of your son's death, you still planning to send your grandson to a lifetime of mind-altering drugs, in an asylum of your choice? 
********************************* 

Gia: You evil Bitch! Plotting to lock your grandson away, and then blame HIM for it?!? Helena: You stay out of this, or you'll live to regret it. 
********************************* 

Nikolas: I don't care about family matters - I'm crazy, remember? And when I claim my inheritance, I give it straight to my uncle, with the express instructions to knock you off the face of the earth. 
********************************* 

(To Stefan) Alan: You want to play Lord of the Manor, why don't you go back to Wyndemere and bully your servants? 
********************************* 

(To Stefan) Alan: I'll give you an affidavit when hell freezes over. 
Monica: As far as I'm concerned, choosing between you and Helena is like choosing between a hanging and a firing squad. 
********************************* 

Hannah: You didn't think that we were actually going to pick our first Christmas tree off a LOT, did you? 
Taggert: Well, unless you're planning on liberating it from the Quartermaine Estates, where are we gonna get this tree? 
********************************* 

Nikolas: I want Helena dead and I would kill her myself if I could get away with it, and that makes me no better than her. 
********************************* 

Ned: Chloe, please-please, I care about you. You're one of my favorite ex-wives. ********************************* 

Carly: I'm not makin' love to you again until we work out this 1% thing. 
Sonny: Really? Yeah? (snuzzles her neck) 
Carly: Yeah . . . (they hug and kiss some more) 
Sonny: What 1%? Carly: OK, later . . . come on! (drags him upstairs) *********************************

12/12/2000 Tuesday 
******************************* 

Sonny: Are you happy now Carly? Do you want me to fire Benny? Because . . . 
Carly: No, I like that he tells you to be careful. I wish you would listen to him. 
******************************* 

Sonny: I won't have my wife upset. 
Benny: I understand that, and I respect it, and that's why I lied my head off just now. 
******************************* 

(to Mac) Felicia: I-I realize that my credibility is less than zero with you, but I am not lying. 
******************************* 

Laura: You know? Just because I ended up with Luke doesn't change what we had together. Scotty: I know, I just like to hear you say it. 
******************************* 

(Blooper? or Written in the script?) Laura: You never could put my coat on. 
Scotty: Never, let's go. 
Laura: Some things never change. 
Scotty: No they don't. 
******************************* 

(to Felicia) Luke: Would I tempt you? Eve? (he bites menacingly into his apple) ******************************* 

Mac: This is the pier where they meet. 
Laura: A lot of people meet here. Come on. Put up a surveillance camera right here, there's no telling what crimes you might solve. 
******************************* 

( to Carly) Sonny: I don't say things I don't mean. It's just that you don't listen. 
******************************* 

NOTE: I loved the Music "I Saw the Sun" during the Roy & Bobbie scene. *******************************

12/11/2000 Monday
***************************
Alexis: I was so careful about this bachelorette party. I picked the Port Charles Grille! What could happen there? It's subdued, it's boring, the most risqué thing that ever happens there is the strapless dress. But no, the stripper had to show up.
***************************
Roy: All these mistakes, they don't add up, it's almost like they're  being planned. What if somebody's trying to do somethin' to you - trying to  mess with your mind?
Bobbie: Oh come on, you've spent too much time with the FBI.
***************************
Ned: It was a girl - popped out of a cake.
Alexis: That's original.
Ned: Actually, it was. The girl was a dead ringer for Lois, who popped out of a cake years ago, when she busted me for being a bigamist.
***************************
Alexis: We were trying to bore them, now we're throwing raw meat to wolves!
Ned: Nice image.
Alexis: Apt.
***************************
Alexis: Well, I was with a man who lost a good deal more than his shirt, but the good news was, I was fully clothed in that picture.
***************************
(to Stefan)
Ned: I am not going to let you put Alexis' life in danger anymore!  You and your mother can kill each other on your own time!
***************************
(Carly & Laura talk about Elizabeth as possibly being the new "Face of Deception" model)
Laura: Her look isn't generic at all! She radiates warmth and sincerity! Carly: So does Mr. Rogers, but I'm not going to slap lipstick and eyeshadow on him!
***************************
Luke: Helena and Stefan are going to be so busy trying to get their fangs into each other's jugular, they won't even notice me slip in the back door and just lap up all the Baklava!
***************************


12/08/2000 Friday
***************************
Sonny: I'm already involved, the cops, Sorel, they-they assume I'm pulling the strings, so why not pull 'em?
***************************
Alexis: All right, well be careful, because as much as I hate to admit  it, I've grown fond of, my landlord.
***************************
Alexis: But Ned's having a bachelor party.
Sonny: Oh, I don't think so.
Alexis: Coward!
***************************
Luke: Ok, well no country, no hip-hop, no heavy metal, no Hawaiian Luau, no - what? What kind of an agency are you? A collection agency?  Oh . . .
***************************
(to Jake)
Alan: Besides, we're a pretty tame bunch - no surprises.
***************************
AJ: What? Ned gets married 3 - 4 times a decade?
***************************
Alan: Let's hope this is the last time.
AJ: No way, Ned is a marrying machine - remember the party before  last, when he was marrying Lois? THAT was a party!
***************************
Edward: You know, Ned's collecting another wife isn't really worth
celebrating.
***************************
Luke: If you're my bookkeeper, get your butt in here.
Alexis (enters Luke's office): I didn't know you could afford a bookkeeper.
Luke: I'm offering you the job. You can cut your own check - anything  you want, just deliver me from this numerical hell!
Alexis: No thanks, but I can recommend a good cleaning service.
***************************
Alexis: Are you free tonight?
Luke: Awwww, Alexis, you want to work out those pre-nuptial jitters?
Alexis: I'd rather stick hot pokers in my eyes, but thanks for asking.
***************************
Luke: Well, I have a party to go to, so take those, and I'll take these, and if you can think of anything nice that I can say about you, give me a call. (slams the door after Alexis). HA! (re-opens the door), That  was a joke!
***************************
Edward: If your grandmother weren't so tolerant . . .
Ned: She'd would have never married you.
***************************
AJ: Here's to you, Cousin Ned, may you marry, and marry, and marry . . .
***************************
Carly: Where's your friend?
Gia: Who??
Carly: Elizabeth Webber
Gia: A) She had to work, and B) She's not my friend.
Carly: I knew I liked you.
***************************
(after finding water instead of Vodka in AJ's Flask)
Edward: It's just an excuse to be obnoxious!
AJ: What's yours?
***************************

12/07/2000 Thursday
*********************************
Alan (To Monica):  What side of the bed did you crawl out of???
Edward:  Would you two stop thinking of your bedroom for just one instant?!?
*********************************
Luke (to himself):  Darlink Mikkos - frozen yogurt head.  Well if hell ever DOES freeze over, we'll know it was an inside job . . .
*********************************
Lila:  I find Mr. Corinthos very attractive.
Edward:  That's because you are a shameless flirt.
*********************************
Edward:  The dinner will not take place under my roof!
Monica:  WHOSE roof???
*********************************
Edward:  Dear, did you-did you finish your breakfast?
Chloe:  I promised Tony, no stress.
*********************************
Helena:  I don't remember a Darius, let alone a sister, and if he had one, her name wouldn't be Olga.
Luke:  Well, I don't know, but then it's all Greek to me.
*********************************
Helena:  Well Medea took things to heart, and responded accordingly.
Luke:  But her son stayed dead.  Why do you have such bad luck?
*********************************
Laura:  I'm trying to agree with you Carly.
Carly:  Are you saying you were wrong?
Laura:  Yeah, if somebody's gotta be wrong, I suppose so.
*********************************
Laura (to Chloe):  You're welcome to stay here if you like.
Carly:  Can we really?  Because my office isn't big enough for 2 people.
*********************************
Edward:  AJ!  If you're going to turn this into a drunken spectacle . . .
AJ:  Would I do that?  Ned's the guest of honor!
*********************************
Edward:  Can't we all just get along?  For Lila's sake?
Ned:  This is my last wedding, my last best man, my last groomsman, and this will be the LAST rehearsal dinner, and the LAST bachelor party!!!
Alan:  In other words, yes?
*********************************
Mac:  We have no evidence.
Alexis:  Hey!  Isn't collecting the evidence supposed to be YOUR job?
*********************************

 12/06/2000 Wednesday
*********************************

AJ:  Well, Not that it's any of your business, but I plan on working out of here as well.
Ned:  On what? A case of cirrhosis?
AJ:  I bought a football team, Ned.
Ned:  To carry you home?
*********************************
(to Helena)
Stefan:  And what will you have in the end?  Some jewels and a succession of towel boys?  It's a ridiculous notion!
*********************************
Ned:  And you are a very difficult woman.
Alexis:  You just notice that?
Ned:  I'm a little slow.
Alexis:  I'll rev ya up!
*********************************

12/05/2000 Tuesday
****************************
(to Stefan about Helena)
Alexis:  I knew you were alive!
(Later . . .)
But you're smarter.  Even when we were children, you never let her win.
****************************
Luke (as Darius):  Ah yes - poor dear, dead Stefan, lost to that cruel mistress the sea.
BusinessMan:  Apparently yes.
Luke (as Darius):  Such a pity, he never learned to swim.  Not very athletic I'm afraid.  To be blunt, quite puny, but thick.  No doubt he sank like a stone.
****************************
(after overhearing a conversation between Helena and the BusinessMan)
Flea:  Can you believe this?
Luke:  No, I can't!  "Odd looking, terribly thin, a bad wig?" I paid a fortune for this!
Flea:  No, I mean Helena's going to have Nikolas declared incompetant.
Luke:  Oh that.  Well sure, I'm not surprised at that.  He's a Cassadine.  They're all 3 beans short of a salad.
****************************
Gia:  Don't get all grateful on me now.
Nikolas:  I don't have to get grateful, I'm the landlord.
****************************
Alexis:  "Umpteenth?"
Stefan:  As in one of many.
Alexis:  Since when do you use American slang?
****************************
(Carly notices Sonny isn't listening to her)
Carly:  I'm saying "We," because I'm talking as a team player (pauses) and then my hair caught on fire and I was horribly burned.
(she looks curiously at Sonny)
Sonny:  You say something?
Carly:  Nothing, really.
****************************
(to Flea)
Luke:  Why should I warn the spawn of blood suckers that he's headed for the looney bin?
****************************
Flea:  Well, fine.  I'll do it.
Luke:  You won't!  Don't make me regret inventing you, Olga!
****************************
Luke:  A door.
Flea:  Footsteps.
Luke:  The closet.
Flea:  Oh not again!
****************************

12/04/2000 Monday
************************
Luke:  I need to run a plan past you.
Flea:  Ha!  No, I've been in the closet one day this week already.
************************
Stefan (to Nik):  It's all over now
Lucky (to Bobbie):  Until my father finds out.
Bobbie (to Lucky):  My sentiments exactly.
************************
(to Carly, who is hiding in the bushes)
Sonny:  You can come out now.
************************
Luke:  This is NOT Fraud, it's Recovery.
Flea:  Well, what if we get caught?
Luke:  Well, what if we do?  We're foreign nationals, maybe they'll deport us back to sunny Greece.
************************
(to Flea)
Luke:  Last I heard we're both getting a divorce.
************************ 
Luke:  You don't have to, it's local.  It's a 10 minute drive, slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am and you're home for dinner.  Everyone gets what they want.  Your gurrls get their cookie baking Mommy, and Darius gets his sexy, fascinating sister.
************************
Flea:  Do what, exactly?
Luke:  Go transform yourself into a creature from a reptilian species who sucks blood and sleeps upside down.  And then come back here and meet me.
************************
(to Sonny)
Carly:  You have to have the last word about everything, don't you?  But you're not controlling.
************************
Mac:  I decided a long time ago, I don't give a damn what you or your mother do to each other, just don't do it in my jurisdiction.
Stefan:  I suspect my mother prefers your jurisdiction.  For a reason.
************************

12/01/2000 Friday
******************************
Stefan:  You always think positively don't you?
Chloe:  Beats the alternative.
Stefan:  Another impeccable instinct.
******************************
Chloe:  Do you want to call them right now?  From the air phone?
Stefan:  Oh no.  I need to do it in person.  How do you tell your loved ones you're back from the dead?
******************************
(to Carly)
Sonny:  Meetings are good, ya know?  It implies communication, and uh that's better than going behind people's back.
******************************
(to Nikolas)
Ned:  Ever consider a job in P.R. ?
******************************
Sonny:  So soon?
Carly:  Or, I could stay here, and we could discuss how you're going to sign over your 1% of Deception to me.
Sonny:  I'll see you at home.
******************************
(to Gia)
AJ:  Next time though, you really should land the job before you make the deal.
******************************

11/30/2000 Thursday
*****************************
(to Ned)
Alexis:  You want me to compromise with somebody's life?  Not to mention the fact that I-that I'm-I'm compromising by the fact that I'm wearing my underwear all over the internet, and I'm the brunt of every joke in the lawyer's club.  And um-um I'm having a BIG wedding for the sake of a big media event, and I'm referred to as "Angel" instead of "Ale-" Now how many compromises would you like me to make?!?!?
*****************************
(to Lila)
Edward:  It's better to be safe than sorry, ESPECIALLY when you're dealing with a Cassadine!
*****************************
Bobbie:  I'm starting to think of you as a permanent hero - Luke causes a disaster and you make it go away. 
Roy:  Well, it keeps me in good with his kid sister.
*****************************
Edward:  That henchmen that Corinthos keeps in his hall was actually going to frisk me!
Ned:  Well next time, try calling first.
*****************************
(about signing the pre-nuptual agreement)
Edward:  That works for me.
Ned & Alexis in Unison:  Put a SOCK IN IT!!!!
*****************************
Ned:  Well, I don't really blame you for thinking that this marriage might not last, considering that you're getting a 5 time loser.
Alexis:  And you're risking your life for a woman who avoids commitment like the plague.
*****************************
(to Nikolas)
Gia:  You know it'd be cheaper in the long run to hire me, than to feed me.
*****************************

11/29/2000 Wednesday
****************************
(to Carly)
Laura:  Your husband told me that you were creative and that you were motivated, and that you really, really cared about making Deception work, but the way I see it, you really, really CARE about the size of your office.  If it really matters to you so much - run to your husband and I am sure he will rent you ANYTHING you WANT on another floor.
****************************
QUESTION:  Carly is upset about Laura picking which office she gets without consulting her, but WAIT!  Didn't Laura also pick Deception's BUILDING without consulting her?!?
****************************
Liz:  I also bought a pack of condoms this morning.
Lucky:  How thoughtful . . .
Liz:  But I'm thinking we may never actually get to "do it" if I die of embarrassment at this very moment.
Lucky:  Then we will drop dead together.
****************************
Chloe:  Ok, so this special dinner was a cover within our cover.  What you would do if you didn't want me to know you were concerned about my health . . .
Stefan:  It's a rare person who can follow my train of thought.
****************************
(to Amy about Carly)
Laura:  . . . She's never done anything to me PERSONALLY, and you know what?  Some of her ideas are pretty darn good!
****************************
(to Flea)
Luke:  Whatever you say lady, I'm just the poor stiff along for the ride.
****************************
I need a man like Lucky, wow!  Roses for each year they were apart?
awwwwww.
****************************
(to Liz)
Lucky:  Well don't think that you're the only one who hasn't thought about making love, because I already bought a box of condoms with spermicide, and they are sitting upstairs in my dresser drawer right now.  There.  Are you happy?  I've humiliated myself now.
****************************
Laura:  Thank God!  A diversion.
Leslie:  Not a diversion, a mother.
****************************
Carly:  I thought I just made you crazy.
Sonny:  That too.
Carly:  You were already crazy when I met you.
****************************
Chloe:  I would rather drown than go blind!
****************************
Laura:  You wouldn't just be saying that because you're my mother would you?
Leslie:  Of course I am, I'm completely biased.
****************************
(to Laura)
Leslie:  And here you are now, taking over a major corporation, on a hunch, with no experience, and a woman you can barely tolerate as your partner.  Works for me.
Laura:  I love you Mom!
****************************

11/28/2000 Tuesday
****************************
(to Sonny)
Carly:  Ok?  Can we go?  Because if we're late, I'm making it very clear that it's your fault. 
****************************
QUESTION:  How old is Elizabeth?  The "I bought condoms today" scene was cute, but it made her look a lot younger than I thought she was.  I am VERY glad she's being responsible and getting on the pill though.  KUDOS to her.
****************************
(to Liz)
Emily:  He's being charged with a murder he didn't commit, and he was framed for it, which is partially our fault . . .
****************************
Carly:  49% ???  I thought - I was under the impression that I was going to be a full partner?
Sonny:  You will as long as you behave.
Carly:  Sonny!
Sonny:  Uh, have fun with your new toy, and uh, play nice.
****************************
(to Felicia after she shoves him into the closet)
Luke (as Darius):  Madame, if you'd like to see me all you have to do is call my secretary, or make an appointment.
****************************
OOPS - Stefan's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar!
****************************
Laura:  Very good Carly!
(Carly pets her head in mock-rewardness)
HILARIOUS!
****************************

11/27/2000 Monday
**************************
(To Nikolas)
Gia:  Look, Thanksgiving is a day for giving thanks, not for me listening to my mother tell me what she WOULD BE thankful for, if I did everything her way.
**************************
Lila:  Why are you so cheerful?
Edward:  Well why shouldn't I be?
Lila:  You're never in a good mood on Thanksgiving.
**************************
(to Emily)
Edward:  You are a member of this family, and you are going to be a part of the family celebration whether you like it or not!
Alan:  Ah!  Let the mayhem begin.
**************************
(to Carly)
Sonny:  Now will ya listen to me?  Or are ya just gonna keep "Ouch?"
**************************
Sonny:  You'r sore, Bobbie's gonna notice.
Carly:  I'll tell her I tripped over one of Michael's toys.
Sonny:  What about when she hugs you and you cringe?
Carly:  I don't know - OW!
**************************
Bobbie:  Well, actually it's not a problem, because Carly's not coming.
Hannah:  Oh, was it because I was invited?
**************************
Nikolas:  Right, so I'm the only one who's your friend now?
Gia:  You live here, I'm stuck with you.
**************************
Alan (to Ned):  Father gave Cook the day off, and then brought in the Chef from the Port Charles Grille, without telling her.
Ned (to Edward):  ARE YOU INSANE?????
**************************
Alexis (to Ned):  Honey, I'm very well aware of the fact that your family's a bit unhinged.
**************************
Edward:  This family's favorite sport seems to be playing Hot Potato with
responsibility.
**************************
11/22/2000 Wednesday
*********************************
(to Bobbie)
Carly:  This isn't hard?  For me to have Thanksgiving dinner with a bunch of people who arrest Sonny every time he blows his nose?
*********************************
Bobbie:  They will all be on their best behavior.
Carly:  Well they don't have to be, because I'm not gonna put my son OR my husband through that kind of bizarre torture!
*********************************
(to Alexis)
Luke:  You Cassadines are into some pretty weird stuff, what with freezin' the world and raisin' the dead.
*********************************
Luke:  I just wanted to make clear to Helena that it was in her best interest to undo whatever she did to my kid.
Alexis:  By threatening to kill him (Nikolas)?!?
Luke:  You get nowhere in life without leverage.
*********************************
Alexis:  You know?  He happens to be the only family that I have left?
Luke:  Your life is really that pathetic?
Alexis:  Yes.
Luke:  Well, that's sad.
*********************************
Luke:  Come on!  Who's more dangerous?  Me? or Madame De Sade?
*********************************
(to Taggert)
Florence:  I wanted you to go to Columbia, like your sister!
Gia:  You know?  Columbia should really hire you Mom!  They really should! I mean, you could stand out on 110th Street with a megaphone.
*********************************
(to Bobbie)
Carly:  Let's just handout handcuffs with the stuffing!
*********************************
Luke:  Let's not forget who won the only round, anybody's ever won against Helena.  It was ME baby!  And I'm going after her again.  Now you can either join in or you can just stand back and have no chair when the music stops.
Alexis:  I'll stand, but I'll be rootin' for ya!  Unless, of course, you bother Nikolas again, in which case I will have you arrested, and I'll prosecute you myself, free of charge!
*********************************
Luke:  I AM invited to the wedding?  Yes?
Alexis:  You Betcha!  As long as you shave, and don't maim, threaten, or kill any of the guests.
Luke:  What kind of wedding is that going to be?
*********************************
Where can I get a crueller?  Those things Alexis and Luke were munching on.  They were in that Brown paper sack?
*********************************
Chloe:   Maybe we should use these to drug the guards?
Stefan:  There aren't enough for that.  These are for your dreams.
*********************************

11/23/2000 Thursday
*********************************
Ned:  It's not so terrible.  It could have been worse.
Alexis:  Yeah, I could have been wearing the teddy.
Ned:  But you usually - you know - socialize clothed.
Alexis:  Well, I could have been nude with a rose in my teeth.
Ned:  Not typical party fare.
Alexis:  Well, I could have been dancing on a party table in stiletto shoes
with a fan?
Ned:  Not the standard scenario for a bridal shower, but it could work for
a honeymoon.
*********************************
Alexis:  No reporters!  No contact with the outside world!
Ned:  No fasting I hope?
Alexis:  We have enough popcorn to last us for days!
*********************************
(to Stefan)
Chloe:  What would you do in my situation?  What choice to I have?  Give
up?  Learn Braille?  Carve a spiffy white cane?
*********************************
Scotty:  I guess you know what you're doing?
Laura:  I don't.  I don't have a clue!!!!  HA HA!
*********************************
(to Ned)
Edward:  I can just see the papers tomorrow!  There you'll be with your
briefs on your head!
Alexis:  Ned is a boxer man.
Edward:  ALERT THE MEDIA!!!
*********************************
Alexis:  I have something to admit.  I watched the Elizabeth Taylor movie.
Ned:  Father of the Bride?
Alexis:  Both versions.  I watched the Steve Martin movie as well.
*********************************

11/21/2000 Tuesday
**********************************
(to Sonny)
Laura:  All of a sudden I have my own cosmetics company.  WOW!  That's a,
WOW!  That's a little heady to say the least.
**********************************
(to Lucky)
Liz:  You're probably wondering what I'm doing here, not dressed, like this
. . .
**********************************
Flea:  I'm sure of it.  Something's definitely burning.
Luke:  Aw, naw, that's just a conditioned response.  Whenever anybody knows
that I'm in the kitchen cooking, they just naturally assume that disaster
looms.
**********************************
Luke:  Felicia, see this is why we have fire alarms.  In the case of a real
emergency, this little bell will sound . . . (RING!!!!!!!!!!  the bell
rings in the background) . . . and that would be the little bell.
**********************************
Carly:  All right Monica, I didn't even know the press was coming, and when
I found out that they were coming, I took my gift upstairs and put it on
the bed, where Alexis could open it in private!
Monica:  And what did your gift do?  Grow legs?  Come downstairs?  Hurl
itself on top of the presents so Alexis would HAVE to open it?!?
**********************************
(as the firemen swarm around them . . .)
Tammy:  I KNEW I shouldn't have left you in charge!  What have you done
now?
Luke:  I-I don't have time to talk to ya, I've got a whole bunch of rubber
suited commandos here . . .
**********************************
(holds up the green lingerie)
Alexis:  Look what I got!
Ned:  I like it!
Alexis:  So did the photographers when they took a picture of it as I took
it out of the box.  Wasn't it a good idea to let the media come to my
shower?
**********************************
Ned:  Oh, does that mean you still want to marry me?
Alexis:  Does a fish have wings?
Ned:  No.
Alexis:  I meant gills - I did - I meant - Does a fish have gills?
**********************************

11/17/2000 Friday
*************************
(about Alexis' bridal shower)
Emily:  I take it you're not going to go.
Luke:  Emily, I'd rather have all my teeth pulled.  By a vet.
*************************
Carly:  It's customary for the matron of honor to give the bridge lingerie.
Sonny:  Even if the bride is Eddie's Angel?
*************************
Laura:  Well, Thank-you for offering to intercede with Sonny.
Carly:  Don't make him sound like the pope.
*************************
(to Ned)
Alexis:  Do you know that all the guests that are coming here, there isn't
anyone who likes the woman who is throwing the shower?
*************************
Ned:  You're on your own ladies.
Emily & Liz:  You chicken!
*************************
(to Gia)
Carly:  Cheese Puff?
*************************
(to Zander) 
Sonny:  Alexis Davis is the best attorney in the state.  Emily's under my
protection.  All you gotta do now is you gotta decide.  You gonna roll
over?  Or make yourself hard to kill?
*************************
Flea:  Do you smell something?
Luke:  Yeah, I think it's your hair shampoo.
*************************

11/16/2000 Thursday
**************************
Luke:  Get out!
Scotty:  Good, you're here.
**************************
(to Scotty)
Luke:  Oh-you're gonna sell her that sinkhole of a cosmetics company huh?
**************************
Luke:  How long you been waitin' for this, Baldwin?
Scotty:  Oh, I think from the first day you permed your hair.
**************************
(to Scotty)
Luke:  You didn't write this, There are big words.
**************************
Gia:  You just deleted the whole order!  It took me most of an hour to put
this together.
Nikolas:  Sorry, I mean look at the bright side, ok?  It would have taken
you a lot longer to pay for it.
**************************
Edward:  But Lila has a soft spot for villians . . .
Monica:  Clearly!
**************************
Monica:  Oh Edward, you're getting senile if you think I'm going to justify
my behavior to you.
Lila:  Well put Monica!
Monica:  Thank you,
Edward:  You are both ganging up on me, because you know that I'm right
Alan:  That would be a first.
Edward:  Alan, do you ever wait to hear what the subject is, until you take
sides against me?
Monica:  Why should he?  You don't.
**************************
Laura:  I think that I might be able to work with Carly Corinthos after
all.
Scotty:  What?  You just polish off a plate of fish sticks here?  Are you
feeling ill?
**************************
Mike:  You just don't give up, do you?
Carly:  Your son likes that about me.
**************************
(to AJ)
Edward:  I didn't realize you were interested in your sister, she's too
young for you to bump into her in a BAR!
**************************
WOW!  Carly surprises me more everyday.  She kicks some ASS in that scene
with Sonny (as they discuss Mike) today!
**************************

11/15/2000 Wednesday
*******************
Helena:  Ah, that Stefan.  He was annoying when he was alive, but even more
trouble dead.
*******************
Liz:  Well I'll probably mess up your heart-rate, so . . .
Lucky:  No question about it.
*******************
Juan:  Do you have any IDEA who Joseph Sorrel IS?!?
Zander:  Yeah, I worked for the guy.
*******************
(To Edward)
Monica:  If you don't drop this whole St. Catherine's idea, I'm gonna ship
you there myself!
Alan:  And I'll pay the tuition in advance!
*******************
(to Nikolas)
Lucky:  Don't do anything stupid.  More than what you've already done.
*******************

11/14/2000 Tuesday
*************************
Luke:  Embezzling tips from a woman who bakes cookies?
Flea:  We have to pass ourselves off as bank inspectors.
Luke:  Chocolate CHIP cookies?
*************************
Chloe:  Before you and I get off this island, I am going to beat you at
this game.
Stefan:  Oh, then you're willing to grow old here are you?
*************************
DAMN POLITICS!!!  Well, at least they pre-empted the AJ/Hannah scene.
*************************
Luke:  Remind me never to give Claude another night off.
Flea:  Before or after I remind you to fire him?
*************************
Sonny:  I don't believe in shortcuts, I-I think you have to uh-study the
topic in depth.
Carly:  The topic being you?
Sonny:  Well, if you want to master the subject, then you gotta-stick
around for awhile.
Carly:  Years and years?
Sonny:  Decades.
Carly:  Where do I sign up?
Sonny:  You're already signed.
*************************
Ned:  All right, so I'll cancel St. Timothy's tomorrow morning.
Alexis:  Don't you dare!
Ned:  We're gonna hire an exorcist to get rid of the bad vibes?
Alexis:  What bad vibes?
Ned:  Proceed as planned?
Alexis:  Panic averted, all systems go.
*************************
Tammy:  Bobbie?  Yeah I got it.  Right where you said.  I know.  So you can
cancel the Ginseng I.V.
*************************
Bobbie:  The truth is, I love my brother . . .
Roy:  But he can be a bit of a snake.
*************************
AJ:  Hello Sunshine!  Have you seen Hannah?
Tammy:  She has a phone.
*************************
Bobbie:  When you catch a fish that's too little to eat, don't you always
throw it back?
Luke:  Shall I call a paramedic?  Are you having an out of body experience?
Bobbie:  Isn't there some kind of fisherman's code, the law of the strong
and the weak?
Luke:  This page is too metaphorical for me, Mr. Hemingway . . .
*************************

11/13/2000 Monday
**************************
Ned:  I don't see anyone following us.
Alexis:  If you do, don't tell me about it.
**************************
(about the Shower)
Lucky:  The thing I liked about it the most was, it was so roomy - it was
like you could probably fit 2 people in there.
Liz:  Um yeah, and now I'm gonna hafta work real hard not to think about
that.
**************************
Roy:  So does AJ just not understand the word "No," or is my daughter not
sayin' it?
**************************
Ned:  What's the password?
Alexis:  "Total Humiliation"
**************************
DAMN POLITICS!!!  DAMN-DAMN-DAMN!  I don't want another NEWS interruption
until they KNOW who the president is!
GO Pre-empt some other show!
**************************
Alexis:  Isn't that the wedding where Sonny left Brenda at the alter?  And in that church didn't Kevin leave Lucy at the alter?  Don't bad things happen in threes?  You planning to leave me at the alter? 
Ned:  No-no-no, I'm not.
Alexis:  Then why would you book us in a church for abandoned brides?
**************************

11/10/2000  Friday
********************************
DAMN POLITICS! They cut off the beginning of GH today.  The beginning is
where they have a lot of the funny lines!  ARG!  Unless they are going to tell us who is president, quit "pre-empt"-ing the show!
********************************
(about Helena)
Luke:  Imagine what's gonna happen when she finds out that I've stolen all
her worldly goods - she'll go into some kind of orgasmic tailspin-man it's
gonna be very dangerous with all those hormones flyin' around.
Roy:  When she finds out?!?  Excuse me, generally -it's an old fashioned
idea - when ya steal something from somebody, you don't want them to know
you took it!
********************************
(Roy recounts how broke they are)
Luke:  But I have a song in my heart.
Roy:  Will you stop with the monkey business thing for ONE MINUTE?!?  Thank
you!
Luke:  Everybody's a critic.
Roy:   . . . Given that, so the next logical step - of course - is we should go up against one of the richest women in the world.
Luke:  Who has the hots for me.
Roy:  Who also happens to be a murdering psychopath!
Luke:  Nobody's perfect.
********************************
Gia:  But isn't it kind of a rush, I mean, to have reporters following you
around all the time, to be famous?
Emily:  Only you would say that!
Alexis:  Obviously you've never lived through it, I'm sorry, who are you?
********************************
Emily:   . . . I'll just put on your rain coat and walk out, it'll be fine.
Alexis:  Do I need to remind anyone here what happened the last time
someone put on my coat and walked across the street?
********************************

11/08/2000 Wednesday
*****************************
(on making AJ a Groomsman)
Alan:  You won't regret it.
Ned:  I already do.
*****************************
Alexis:  I was hoping that you'd consider being my Bride's Woman.
Emily:  Bride's (pause) Woman?  Uh, YEAH!  I mean, I've only been a Bride's
(pause) Woman, once before, but it was a Junior Brideswoman, so it didn't
really count.
Alexis:  Well, I was a bride once before, you know, technically, but it was Jax, and that didn't really count.
*****************************
Bobbie:  Well that's the worst damage that Helena's done so far, but I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
*****************************
(A suit comes in to Luke's office)
Luke:  Who are you?
Roy:  That's a Fed.
Suit:  Interpol.
*****************************
Luke:  What checks out?  The diamond, or a nice big-fat Cassadine check in
your puny little savings account?1?  THE PRINCESS IS MINE!
IRS:  If you choose to contest our decision . . .
Luke:  I CHOOSE-I CHOOSE!!
*****************************
Luke:  Oh man!  The Cassadine grease goes WAY up the pole, doesn't it?
*****************************
IRS:  Mrs. Cassadine is eager to regain her property after all these years.
Luke:  Over her dead body!
*****************************
Stefan:  If you've started reading my thoughts now, I'm in serious trouble.
Chloe:  Stefan, don't be so tense!  I read it in your journal.
*****************************
Edward:  Alan & Monica, both of you are at fault.  First you let Emily run wild with that would-be singer and he breaks her heart, and NOW she's with a drug-dealing-kidnapper!  Talk about a lamb to the SLAUGHTER!
Alan:  Gee Whiz, we almost made it through the entire day without hearing
the blame refrain.
Edward:  And the truth hurts, doesn't it, Alan?
*****************************
Edward:  And AJ's a groomsman don't forget.
Ned:  Oh, I wish I could.
*****************************
Carly:  You helped me with my wedding, such as it was, and now its my turn.
*****************************
(about the Bridal Shower)
Carly:  Let me take care of it.  I was thinking of the Tiki Room at the
Corner Lounge?
Alexis:  Where bare-chested men in skirts serve pink-frosted drinks?
Carly:  Yeah!  Thursday nights they give free hula lessons.  Can you see Monica?  Da-Dum . . .I'm joking.
*****************************
(to the Society Newspaper Lady)
Elton Herbert:  Honey?  Honey.  Are you sitting?  Are you near water?  Mrs.
Sonny Corinthos is going to be Matron of Honor at the Davis-Ashton
Nuptials!  How 'bout that?
*****************************
Carly:  Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I don't know where he got that idea.
Alexis:  Carly with a "C," that's how!
*****************************
Alexis:  I'm having a nervous breakdown over this wedding, I cannot be held
accountable for anything that I say or do.
*****************************
Alexis:  You can still have that shower if you want . . . Well, it's appropriate now that you're my matron of honor.
Carly:  Aw come on, are you serious?  Me?
Alexis:  Yes,  you.
Carly:  Thank you!  You won't be disappointed, Alexis.  I gotta tell Sonny!  : )
Alexis:  I gotta tell Ned.  : (
*****************************
DAMN POLITICS!  I missed Luke's Cruella De Cassadine line!  DAMN!  Did anyone get the exact wording?  Something about telling "Cruella De Cassadine to go skin some puppies."
*****************************
Ned:  As long as we get plenty of rehearsal.
Alexis:  For the ceremony.
Ned:  No-no, for the wedding night.
*****************************

11/07/2000 Tuesday
*********************************
Roy:  Well the word is the kid's a dealer, which means he works for Sorrel.
Alexis:  Why doesn't the DA's office understand that?
Roy:  They - They get it, They just need you to prove it to them, or
they'll kill your client.
*********************************
(to Felicia about Thanksgiving)
Bobbie:  I think you should know . . . I invited Luke.
*********************************
Mac:  Hello Roy.
Roy:  Mac.  You got an alarm in your office with my name on it?
*********************************
Monica:  Discussing it is NOT deciding it!
*********************************
(to Zander)
Alexis:  Congratulations - you just saved your life.
*********************************

11/06/2000 Monday
*************************
Alexis:  You want to come back to my place?
Ned:  What do you got in mind?
Alexis:  I'd like to show you my popcorn popper.
(How "corny.")
*************************
(to AJ)
Hannah:  Do you work this hard on being obnoxious, or does it come
naturally?
*************************
Lucky:  I'm not trying to send you mixed signals.
Liz:  You're being honest, there's a difference.
*************************
Edward:  Oh, now that's what I call good parenting!
Monica:  Thank you, Dr. Spock.
*************************
Carly:  It's not as romantic as I was hoping for.
Sonny:  Oh?  Flowers aren't romantic?
Carly:  No, I just mean you bought 'em out of guilt, but I'll take what I
can get.
*************************
Alexis:  What possessed you to invite that weasel to our wedding?
Ned:  I'm trying to rise above . . .
Alexis:  No don't!  Wallow in your pettiness, I don't mind!
*************************
(to Alexis)
Ned:  Have I ever told you?  You look beautiful when you're paranoid.
*************************
Sonny:  You grow on people.
Carly:  You make me sound like a fungus.
Sonny:  I speak from experience.
*************************
(about Sonny, to Scotty)
Laura:  He was granted immunity for any crimes that he committed prior to
June - his record is probably cleaner than yours.
*************************
Sonny:  All right, tell ya what, if it doesn't work out with Deception,
we'll discuss setting you up on your own.  How's that?
Carly:  Could you try upping the enthusiasm, just a little bit?
*************************

10/30/2000 Monday
********************************
Chloe:  How do I turn the shower off?
Stefan:  You dial Zeus, line 3, I believe.
********************************
Helena:  Now in chess they call that a "stalemate."
Luke:  In poker we call it a "bluff."
********************************
Carly:  I'd rather scrub floors than work for you.
Laura:  Forgive me, but I'm having a hard time picturing you scrubbing
floors.
Carly:  It's ridiculous right? Kind of like you running a company.
********************************
(to Helena)
Lucky:  You're alone and my father's alone.  Do us a favor next time - try
killing each other!
********************************

10/31/2000 Tuesday
********************************
Liz:  I missed you so much it hurt.
Lucky:  And we can still make that happen . . .
********************************
Alexis:  You're the one who said that the ingredient to a good marraige is
to agree to disagree.
Ned:  I never said I had to like it.
Alexis:  Because you always thought it would work out in your favor.
********************************
Sonny:  You want me to go with him?
Carly:  You hover too much as it is, besides do you think anybody is going
to open the door and give Michael candy with you and Johnny standing behind
him?
Sonny:  What are you talking about?  We look perfectly respectable.
Carly:  If you say so, honey.
********************************

11/01/2000 Wednesday
********************************
Laura:   . . . Wait a minute now, this was an act of revenge - an eye for
an eye, what was it?
Luke:  Not quite so biblical.
********************************
(to Laura about Helena & Lucky)
Luke:  It means that she's booby-trapped his mind.
********************************
All I have to say is:  Laura?  YOU GO GIRL!!!  I love it when you're angry!
********************************
Felicia:  (sigh)  Ironic, my daughter is falling for Luke's son.
Bobbie:  At least he's unavailable.
Felicia:  Yeah, right - nothing can happen.
********************************
Alexis:  What am I going to do about these panic attacks, because they just
keep happening?
Sonny:  Maybe you should keep a supply of paper bags in your purse.
********************************
Nikolas:  What's wrong Luke?  You look a little tense, which is
understandable after what you tried to do to me.
********************************
(about Alexis)
Ned:  Yeah-Yeah as you know I've practically worn a path down the aisle,
but she has this amazing way of making me feel like I'm doing it for the
first time.
********************************
Sonny:  So, go to Vegas.
Alexis:  I've been there, done that.
********************************
Sonny:  You all right?
Alexis:  Yeah.
Sonny:  You want me to take you to - to give you a drive to the hospital?
Alexis:  Yeah.
********************************
(concerning Ned's Best Man)
Alan:  Is there any chance that you would consider AJ instead of me?
Ned:  Okay, I'll consider it.  (pause)  NO.  NO.  NO.
********************************
(to Alexis)
Ned:  But look at it this way, if AJ is my best man, I think it's only
right that you ask Helena to be your matron of honor.
********************************

11/02/2000 Thursday
********************************
Gia:  It's my problem if Sheba eating my portion of the rent!
Nikolas:  So far you're the one who has NOT made a rent payment.
********************************
AJ:  Hey Eddie!  Where's the Angel?
Ned:  Starting the day with a little vodka humor are we?
********************************
Ned:  I didn't realize they delivered newspapers in the drunk-tank.
********************************
Helena:  Nikolas, this is really not like you to take advantage of those
less fortunate than you, for your own purposes?
(um, that's callin' the kettle black, right, Witch?)
********************************
Nikolas:  Tell me, Miss Campbell, do you feel used?
Gia:  I thought I was the one taking advantage of you.
********************************
(about Alexis)
Amanda Barrington:  I understand that she's something of an internet icon.
Ned:  Hello Amanda, I'm surprised to hear you frequent those kinds of
websites.
********************************
Ned:  AJ as best man?  Where did you get such an insane idea?
Edward:  Well, Alan told me that he suggested it to you.
Ned:  Did he leave out the part where I said "NO!  Never!  Not under any
circumstances?!?"
********************************
(to Stefan)
Chloe:  We might as well enjoy this velvet cage while we're in it.
********************************

11/03/2000 Friday
********************************
Nikolas:  Read my lips:  You can't borrow my car.
Gia:  Then drive me.
Nikolas:  Now I'm your roommate AND your chauffeur!
********************************
(to Gia)
Nikolas:  Take a bus Sparky!
********************************
(gives Gia some change)
Nikolas:   . . . This is uh, bus fare and a coke, it's on me.
Gia:  You're a real prince.
Nikolas:  Thank you, it's very original.
********************************
Carly:  Who are you punishing, Sonny?  Mike or yourself?
Sonny:  So you-you want a job as a shrink now?
********************************
(to Alan & Monica)
Alexis:   Number 1:  I don't feel an overwhelming need to make a gesture.
     Number 2:  I love Ned and intend to spend the rest of my life with
him, with or without the Quartermaines.
     Number 3:  I don't go against my principles for love or money, OR,
with due respect, either one of you.
     Number 4:  I promised Emily that I would give Zander Smith a
comprehensive defense, and that's what I'm going to do.
Is there anything else?  That's good, because if you have any other
questions about this pending case, you're gonna have to make an
appointment.  And expect a bill!
Excuse me.
********************************
Scotty:  Did I ever tell you how stubborn you are?
Laura:  I like to think of it as tenacious!
********************************
Alexis:  I don't believe it.  Helena 2 o'clock.
Nikolas:  Helena?  At Kelly's?
Alexis:  Where's Luke when ya need him?  If he were cooking, she'd get food
poisoning for sure!  Oh well, push the chili.
********************************
(to Helena)
Alexis:  You've spent your whole pathetic life trying to please Nikolas.
Why are you threatening his friends?
********************************
Ned:  Have you ever pictured Helena without any money?
Alexis:  It isn't pretty.
********************************
(to Nikolas)
Gia:   Well when you get a chance, tell Grannie Sunshine I'm not going
anywhere.
********************************
(about Helena)
Ned:  Have you ever noticed how everything she says sounds like a threat?
Alexis:  She can't help it.
********************************