Comments through Friday, March 19, 2004
(Yep, spoilers.  Want some hot sauce?)

Soap writers hold the enviable, but impossible job of writing the fine line between reality, drama and storytelling.  They must please multitudes of diverse fans and hopefully, draw in new viewers.  I want enough reality to buy into the characters, their dialogue and actions.  Give me drama that taps my emotions.  Tell me a gripping story that stretches my imagination without veering into the ridiculous.  Since every individual has a unique perspective on life, there is no way for the writers to provide for the viewing needs of each of us in every story though if they, and we, are lucky, they come close sometimes.  How many cords of empathy do we have?  It depends on our personality and life experiences.  Actors, of course, create their own character persona which also adds to the mix of understanding or lack of.  If you’ve known a person with manic depression you might feel more understanding for Sonny.  If having a man stroke your cheek flicks your Bic, you might adore Lorenzo and his love of Carly.  It’s the little things that pull me in.  This week I was both pulled in and turned away. 


Pulled me in.                                  Pushed me away. 

“I’ve decided to do what you both requested in private and grant joint custody of the children.  The time to be divided equally between the two of you.  Is this an agreement you can both accept?”  Carly gazed at Sonny gauging his reaction and nodded her acceptance to him.  “Yes, Your Honor,” she replied to the judge.  You all know what happened next.  BOOM!  Windows exploded and parts of the room collapsed as a car bomb took out Sonny’s limo.  (I bet he has a hard time obtaining insurance.)  Feeling a bit jaded over car bombs, I watched without flinching.  The Frequent Four were all intact while Lorenzo lay unconscious on the floor.  Status quo per spoilers.  What tickled my funny bone and caused some major eye rolls was that after carting Lorenzo off by ambulance, the judge finished his session in the bomb damaged courtroom.  “Now that is one tough judge!”  I thought.  Give him a cigar and call him Clint (as in Eastwood).  MOB influence in Port Click-Boom has jaded the PCPD and city government workers who couldn’t be bothered to set up crime scene tape or even rope off the damaged areas of the building.  When bombs are business as usual, I’d say some violence revamping should be considered.  Of course, maybe Lucky, the one and only cop in town, was out on a call and didn’t have time to handle this latest blast.

Not a strip of yellow crime tape in sight! 

It wasn’t Sonny.  It wasn’t Sonny’s younger brother.  Nope, it was Michael in a suit trying to emulate his Daddy.  And like his Daddy, he took himself right over to the penthouse and demanded an explanation when Sonny disappointed him over breakfast.  Look out Sonny, you’re going to have to change his name from Michael to Mini-Me.  Coming soon to a Toys R Us near you – Sonny and Mini bobble head dolls.


“Cat’s in the Cradle”

I’m gonna be like you, Dad,

Ya know I’m gonna be like you.

I got you started, I’m sure you can sing the rest.

I bet you’re gonna talk bad about me when the tune gets stuck in your head. 

Probably, Sam will not be wearing the beautiful clothing Sonny had delivered to penthouse.  The item on top was blue and we all know that Sam only does black with the occasional hint of khaki or army green.

“A beautiful woman should have beautiful clothes.”

Because looks are so important in the competitive salvage business. 

Al1 right, Lorenzo.  Your calm almost happy façade, isn’t fooling me for a minute.  It took about 10 seconds of his noble face when talking to Carly for me to think he’s already faking.  I’ll buy eye injury, but his “go be with your children, don’t worry about me” self sacrificing baloney says he’s playin’ Carly.  Though I have to note, even smug, he looks good in sun glasses.


I want one thing for Alexis right now.  I want Carly to demand compliance, threatening to rat her out to Sonny if Alexis doesn’t hop skip and jump at Carly’s whim.  Then I want Alexis to tell her to drop dead again.  Please, can I have this one crumb of satisfaction?  Alexis does act superior around Carly which is annoying.  However, Carly’s treatment of Alexis is so over the top bully abusive both verbally and physically, that I always immediately side with Alexis.  “Your secret’s safe for as long as I want you to owe me.  And when I don’t anymore, I will tell Sonny.  So be nice.  Because I could be using your services again very soon.”   Go ahead, Alexis, give Carly the boot! 

“Drop dead. “

“No, you drop dead.”

“I told you first.”

No one said they were mature. 

I knew the scenes were probably going to yank my emotional chain when Michael and Morgan left the penthouse.  Sonny tried to be brave while Michael was torn between connecting with his mom and leaving his dad.  Music played, meaningful words were spoken, and I held it together.  However, when Sonny’s face crumpled as Michael and Morgan left the penthouse, my tears welled.  Call him arrogant, undeserving, and unbalanced at that moment he was a man losing his children whom he adores.  The scene of Sonny absorbing the silence of the penthouse reminded me of Jason a couple years ago when he gave up Michael.  I didn’t cry when he said good bye to Michael in the rose garden.  I was fine until Jason sat in his silent penthouse hearing Michael’s cries of distress in his head.  


When the men cry, I join ‘em. 

While I am making character comparisons, why does Zander have to be insane?  I don’t want Zander insane.  I want Zander hurt and edgy leaving Port Round-the-Bend Chuck.  Maybe a little crazy, but not the scary guy I spotted this week.  Zander reminded me in an eerie way of A.J. as he zig zagged around the bend in the road called Emotionally Damaged and turned onto A.J. Lane.  Both have been hurt by their own actions and are unable to deal with their guilt, life or the people around them.  That Zander killed Wally and then burned him up on purpose adds an extra eww factor.  It doesn’t matter that Zander didn’t mean for the fire to become a catastrophe, just like it didn’t matter that A.J. didn’t mean to slam Jason’s head into a rock.  Both of their actions and resulting consequences were more than either A.J. or Zander could navigate.  There’s also the been-there-done-that factor.  A.J. couldn’t forgive himself for hurting Jason and neither could his family so sinking low on the totem pole, like burning down the strip club, stalking Courtney, etc. wouldn’t appear so bad when he’s already residing in the sewer.  Zander has sold drugs, kidnapped the woman he loved, and shot a few people so killing a man and setting a fire to cover it up probably wouldn’t hit him as a horrific action.  A.J. escaped by running away, but Zander’s fate will end in Emily’s arms.  Kleenex much?


Previews showed Emily running to Zander and hugging him.

That’s her Zander – except now he’s insane. 

I wonder how much “Wally” was paid for his one line and allowing Zander to set his legs on fire?

A little violence, a little Zander burn and “Wally” earned a GH credit for his resume. 

Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.  Anyone?  Courtney?  She’s spent weeks walking around with an ugly face declaring herself free of The Life.  But when Jason and Sonny honored her request at her visit to Jason’s penthouse seeking bomb info, she walked out with an even uglier face.  I’ve watched about all the mad I can take from Courtney and I am ready for a moment or two of happy.  A couple smiles, maybe a warm moment need to be included in her scripts.  And while I’m on a bit of a rant here, Jason needs to decide for himself that he doesn’t agree with Courtney’s running away from her marriage and the life she said she could handle and try romancing his bride.  They weren’t even allowed one day of happy what with Sonny and Carly’s plane emergency as they returned from France, Sonny taking up residence in Jason’s spare bedroom, and Carly’s pregnancy traumas and dramas.  It’s not that I’m a raving Journey fan; I just hate never being satisfied as a viewer when the promising build up lasted over a year.  Is it too much to ask for a few days of happiness?   


I’m tired of her snit face.

Either cheer up or go snit somewhere else!

And what’s up with constantly wearing white or off-white? 

Jason hauled Faith to the balcony and dangled her over the edge like a rag doll.  Cynthia Preston should receive an award for allowing herself to be manhandled so often for her art.  Not only does she get slapped, thrown to the ground, and man handled on a regular basis, she does it in short skirts and stiletto heel footwear.  No matter how terrible Faith’s character, I have a huge respect for the actress.  She deserves an Emmy for Most Respected Team Player.

Luke asked Jason, “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t send her wind surfing tonight.”

Good line. 

In a way, I feel sorry for Faith who clearly has no understanding of friendship, honor or loyalty.  Marching to the beat of her own drummer, she can’t grasp why Sonny, Jason and Alcazar forgive and fight for Carly, but treat Faith like dirt.  When Luke, disgusted with her lack of discretion, was prepared to throw her back to Jason after finding Faith taunting Jason in front of Kelly’s he played Faith in the only way she understands, by making her pay with major bucks and no sex.  Frustrated, Faith felt a need to work out her angst and confusion with broken glass at Skye’s neck.  Where’s Justus?  He might be able to explain a few basic life concepts to our MOB Bombshell.


Some are dealt a full deck, and some are a few cards short even if they’re playing strip poker.

Out of these three, you decide who’s workin’ the deck. 

I’ve heard that laughter is the best medicine.  My thanks to Tracey and Skye for offering refreshing doses of humor whenever they hit my screen.  Tracey and Skye jockeyed for position as they listened outside the door where Luke advised Dillon on how to decide the future of ELQ.

Tracey to Skye:  Where’d you get that perfume?  At a thrift store?

Skye to Tracey:  Why don’t you get a better lipstick to go with that dead animal you’re wearing. 

Oh my!  I say again, oh my!  Women across America thank you, Tyler Christopher, for the time you obviously spend at the gym!  In a rare turn of events, some love in the afternoon showed up on my screen.  Nikolas and Emily treated us to a superior love scene, sexy without being graphic and amazingly, minus candles.  Clearly, writers and directors must have experienced an out of pen moment to offer the gift of a scene that gained its intensity by allowing us to use our imaginations.  And let me tell ya, I have a great imagination!




No captions needed.

A picture’s worth a thousand sighs. 

How cool that Dillon and Georgie finally scaled the cliffs of troubled young love and reached a plateau called “The Second Act”.  We even were treated to a long overdue kiss!  Since Sage showed up as a volunteer at the hospital 10 minutes later, I guess Georgie and Dillon’s second act will be rocky.  I had to laugh at Georgie’s emphatic insistence to Sage that hospital computers were strictly forbidden for personal use because I immediately flashed back to her signing up for Teenage Speed Dating on the hospital computer.  Definitely a troublemaker, Sage will move to a higher level of wickedness if she sells pictures of naked Georgie on the ‘net from the hospital computer. 

The Second Act

Do you think I’m hot? 

Umm, Felicia, if Mac tells you your girls need you, if Lucky reiterates that your girls need you and if your girls tell you they need you – PAY ATTENTION!  She was off to a good start, but if she now dives into the mystery of who moved Mac or any other puzzling circumstance my disgust button will buzz and I’ll have a hard time turning it off. 


Put on your best Mommy face and sit tight, Felicia! 

Calling it like I see it, I’ve appreciated the diversity of characters for past couple weeks.  Suddenly, most of the cast is showing up for taping and I’m so happy to see them!  I’m actually seeing more than one storyline and more than six characters in a day.  Summarizing quickly, this week I saw the custody hearing (of course), Zander lurking, Emily and Nikolas bonding and making future plans, Luke, Skye and Faith facing off, Georgie and Dillon reconnecting and the Q’s reconstructing ELQ.  You know when a recipe says to marble a cake or brownie mix and you drag a knife through the batter in the pan to spread one flavor into another without completely mixing or losing texture?  That’s how the storylines are blending, like rich chocolate mixed with smooth vanilla, each retaining their flavor but complimenting the other.  (Wasn’t that a great analogy?  Bet you’re hungry now, aren’t ya?  Excuse me, I have to see if anyone has broken into the Oreo stash.)

My friend Betty Crocker sent me this picture.

Talk about torture on a Sunday night! 

You guys crack me up!  If I were you, I’d run to the bathroom before reading the roll on the floor, funny responses this week to Give the Dog A Bone.  If the GH writers knew about the great imaginations lurking out in fan land, they’d pay a lot more attention to details and worry about their job security!  Ves sent some positively inspirational quirks but I think she’s saving them for a column of her own.  I can’t wait. 

Jason: Writes an underground best seller about how to be a successful MOB hitman.

                        Picks out the women's underwear Sonny wears.

Starts up his own ice cream shop in P.C.  Likes Rocky Road ice cream and hates Tiger Tiger ice cream.

Got drunk with Brenda on the Vegas elopement and his new bride talked him into matching butt tattoos of Daisy Duck.  He never wants to undress with a light on again.

Sings Air Supply songs in the shower.

CarlyOpens a fitness gym that offers unique classes like “Exercise with

Feathers” and “Read Magazines, Lose Weight”.

Idolizes the mom from “The Partridge Family”.  Decides to start her own family

band with Carly as lead vocal, Sonny on drums, Michael (SORAS’d to 15)

on guitar, Morgan (SORAS’d to 8) on tambourine.  Courtney on backup vocals

and bass guitar and Jason as manager.  They tour in a psychedelic bus.

Inherited a love of disco from Uncle Luke and often does the Funky Chicken

while alone.

Reads the dictionary.

Alcazar:     Becomes enthralled with the art of kite flying.

                        Loves astronomy.

                        Loves Three Stooges movies.

                        Becomes obsessed with reruns of the X-Files and conspiracy theory

documentaries.  Becomes the leading local expert on Big Foot and alien

 encounters living in his basement apartment.

Makes the lightest, fluffiest pancakes ever.

Is secretly being paid by A.J. with all his Q bucks to woo Carly just to mess with


Ned:             Decides to write, produce and direct a reality show about ladies working in a nail

salon who wear leather.  

Hates the color orange.

Becomes obsessed with bingo and accepts a job as bingo caller at a local

retirement home (under the B-9).

Occasionally takes out his leather pants and tells them wistfully, “I’ll wear The

Precious again some day…”

Can tie a cherry stem into a knot with his tongue.

Emily: Takes up boxing and decides to enter women’s boxing competitions.

                        Cuts her hair short and dyes it purple.  Starts a punk band called The Fleating


                        Is afraid of Chihuahua's.

                        Sees something shiny and wanders off.

                        Pretends to be a back up dancer for Outkast when she’s alone in her bedroom.

Breaks out in hives whenever someone talks with an English accent or mentions


Nikolas:        Loves Emily but secretly lusts after Anna Nicole.

                        Takes up cooking.  Starts his own cooking show for the Food Network called

“Nik’s Woking Good Time”.

                        Idolizes Emeril and the Iron Chefs.

                        Decides the only proper way to mourn his lost love is to never wear clothing

again on all the bits his darling adored most.

Develops an attraction to a 30-something mom of 2 and leaves Emily for a life of

home repair, HBO and hot nights on a lumpy mattress.

Ric:   Finds escape from life with embroidery.  Makes his own embroidery support

website for lawyers seeking stress relief.

                        Discovers a secret love of frilly lace.

                        Joins a cabaret troupe in NYC which leads to his big break as one of the guys in

lederhosen in “The Sound of Music”.

Has pierced nipples.

After a car crash his personality changes and he decides he must set the highest

moral standard for P.C.  Unfortunately, everyone blames him for everything that

goes wrong in town anyway.

LizBecomes pen pals with Martha Stewart and secretly runs her business while she’s

otherwise engaged (ahem, out of the loop, in the slammer).

By day, a mild mannered mom.  By night, a sultry lounge singer and crime


Likes prisms and bright shiny things.

Has a teenager that acts just like she did.

Never actually buys her own make up, only uses free samples from department


Lucky: Becomes P.C.’s celebrity pet psychic who Ric is unable to fire because every time he threatens Lucky’s job, squirrels throw nuts at him.

Grows his hair long and decides to become a hairdresser for the stars.

Hates split ends!

Bides his time for Maxie to be legal and the day they can both get a storyline.

Uses his new police uniform for his side job as a stripper.  He’s hired by his brother Nik to perform at his 30-something wife’s birthday party.  (OK, I know a personal fantasy when I read one!  LOL) 

Stay tuned, because next I think we’ll narrate a cooking show called “Fabulous Food for Folks who Don’t Eat”.  I found the title, now I’m waiting for the muse to hit.   

What I liked about this week’s spoilers is how soapy they were.  Only one person dies which is unusual in this day of primetime in my soaptime.  However, we have sickness, amnesia, confessions of love, and a couple “I’m tellin’ on you’s”.  After the fire, I’m ready for some old fashioned love and jealousy, mixed with backstabbing and board room antics complicated by health issues and twisted motivations. 

Morgan becomes ill with a high fever. (GHFF)

Not that GH would EVER stoop so low as to use a cheesy plot twist so Sonny can feel guilty for not keeping the boys in the germ free penthouse and Carly can feel guilty for exposing the baby to….air. 

Lorenzo has a couple of secrets and he's not sharing them with Carly.  (GHFF)

That’s OK.  Carly has a secret or five up her sleeve at all times, too. 

Nikolas is in an auto accident and when he come to, he has no memory but he has a new name, "Connor", and a new "wife" named Mary.  (GHFF)

Now this sounds like fun!  Helena’s gonna have a conniption if Prince Connor doesn’t get a grip and remember her pronto.  Can Emily sue him for wedding vow bigamy? 

Lucky, Ross, Ric and a S.W.A.T. team descend upon the cottage where Zander is.  (GHH2)

Ric must’ve called Pine Valley or Llanview to borrow a S.W.A.T. team because P.C. certainly doesn’t have one.  With Mac busy hospital hopping, Lucky is the only cop in town. 

I figured out a cool new way to save money.  And it’s so simple, anyone who drives a vehicle (especially a big vehicle) can do it.  First, run lots of errands and watch your gas needle slowly slid over to the red almost-stranded-on-the-side-of-the-road mark.  Wait until the shopping urge strikes - you know, if you don’t stop in Kohl’s they’re going to sell out of that cute blouse you saw advertised and the sale ends tomorrow.  Really, you need to run in Target to check out the shoes you saw in Sunday flyer because you are going to need pink sandals this summer.  Wait until you have that antsy, need a break today, want-to-buy-something-even-if-it’s-macaroni-and- cheese-for-dinner urge.  Then before spending a dime, drive to your gas station of choice and fill your tank.  That’s it.  That’s my solution.  Because after the shock of how much it cost to fill your tank, you will lose your urge to spend money anywhere else.  At least that’s how it has worked for me over the past few weeks as gas prices creep ever steeper.  At this rate, I may never buy a new bathing suit because I’ve tried twice and driven home in defeat without even looking because I suffered a severe case of spend shock from filling my gas tank.  If I am catching painful spend shock at the gas station, others must be feeling the pain also.  Pretty soon, the garment industry will conduct studies on why sales are down, learn that the cause is high gas prices and they will lobby OPEC, thus doing all the work for poor suffering nonshopping me and solving economy issues at the same time. 


My husband read my last paragraph and laughed.  Alan Greenspan doesn’t call me for economics advice for good reason.   

I have one other gas tank thought that lurks in my mind whenever I fill my tank and talk on my cell phone.  You’ve probably received an e-mail at some point about the danger of talking on your cellular phone while pumping gas because the phone could generate a spark and explode.  There are even little signs on the pumps with people talking and a red line through them.  So here’s my question.  Do you know of anyone this has actually happened to?  Have you heard from someone you trust of your friend’s mother’s sister’s cousin’s boyfriend who talked, pumped and then his phone blew up his head?  “Cause I haven’t.  Ever.

I’m sorry, I have to say it.

“Can you hear me now?” 

May you be successful in all your endeavors this week, no matter how big or small, how comforting or life changing.  I hope Eye On Soaps offers you a few minutes of entertainment and on the plus side, you won’t get spend shock from checking us out!  Thanks for reading.    

"A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can let alone."  -Henry David Thoreau 

I couldn’t put my legs in this position

even when I was young and agile. 

If I were a screen cap, I’d live at GH World! 

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