February 6, 2002
Fatastic at last!!
I didnít think I was EVER going to get to this column!
It was definitely lack of opportunity and not lack of incentive that got
in my way, but as always when weíre held up from something, a redirect was
involved. But then, this is also
the time of redirects and commitments, so it was timely.
I WAS going to write about my recommitment to weight
loss and how excited I am about it, but every time I would start to write, Iíd
get called away for something. Eric
is working out of state 10 hours a day and has chosen to commute so he can sleep
in his own bed, which is what he doesÖall day long. He gets up around 4-5pm, eats, dresses and goes back to work
again. Gets home around 5am and
falls into bed again. When heís
off on the weekends (Friday through Sunday for him), he follows pretty much the
same schedule. When he gets up, we
eat dinner, pretty soon after that, the kids go to bed (around 9 or so) and then
Iím not far behind since the kids get me up between 4-5am.
With his work and sleep schedule like this, all (and I do mean all) of
the care of the kids and running of the house falls on me and I was surprised at
how much I depended on his help! Anyway,
itís been hard to get to the computer without him to take over kiddies from
time to time. Needless to say,
there is little or no time for personal indulgence.
Josh is working now, so my babysitter is MIA.
Iíve found the things I want to do falling into the cracks and Iím
working hard to find time to get those back.
More and more, I am getting the feeling that this just
isnít the right time for me to get aggressive on the weight loss, as much as I
do want it. My head and heart are
free to do this and Iím excited about it, but the timing just isnít right.
It will be, but itís not yet.
The bad news is that I had to go off the Stacker 2ís,
which I want to reiterate are just fabulous.
They totally regulate my appetite, not just my hunger.
They actually burn the fat from my body and seem to sculpt it.
I only had to take one a day instead of the recommended two per day, so
it was twice as economical as I expected. I
didnít feel speedy at all. I had
nice, pleasant energy. I could stay
up and watch a movie at night if I wanted to without dropping off to sleep
during the opening credits, but if I wanted to sleep, I could.
I felt very comfortably full all day and all night long.
I had to (god I hate people who say this) remind myself to eat some
times. I felt wonderful.
I felt powerful. I felt successful.
Absolutely the only problem I experienced with the
Stacker 2ís is that because your emotional attachment to food is totally
removed, if food has been providing a high percentage of your ďhappy,Ē mood
swings are probably going to flare up. It
sure did for me. Once I identified
that I was so depressed because I was missing my food high, I was able to
replace it with other things to make me happy.
One thing I did to cuddle myself is that I took the edge off of my recent
manic move at keeping the house clean and polished.
Since I truly hate housework, allowing myself to quit working at 8pm
every night and have the nights off helped a lot. I know there were more things I could have done, but I ended
up having to go off of them before I could explore that.
I actually had to stop because Nathan (the 2-year-old)
was blackmailing me. I knew that I
wasnít supposed to nurse while on the Stackers and Nathan was down to only
nursing for maybe 5 minutes at a time, around 9-10pm at night.
I figured since I was taking the Stacker at about 6am, heíd be fine.
He was for a while, but then within a week or so, he started skipping his
naps and his eating really cut back quite a bit.
Since Iím pretty well done with the nursing (I
recently added up and I have spent a cumulative total of just at 10 years of
breastfeeding time in my life) and heís definitely old enough to wean, I
figured the choice was obvious. As
if in retaliation, be began demanding to nurse all the time.
When I say no and try to distract him with a sippy cup and cuddles or
a video or playdoh, he SCREAMS at the top of his lungs, no matter what I do for
him, no matter what I offer him instead. I
thought I could outlast him. Iím
tough. Heís child #6 and Iíve
weathered some serious kidstorms. Heís
a pro, though, and the kid would NOT stop screaming.
He screamed until he was hoarse and then he screamed some more.
Not a tear in sight. When I
cave in and let him nurse, heís insane about it, grabbing hard, making all
kinds of happy noises, and sounding like I do on the weekends when I can have a
Iíve gotten him back down to only briefly nursing at
naps and the night quicky now, so we are edging back to weaning, but he just
wasnít ready at all and I was not ready to engage in battle over it.
Since it obviously means so much to him, I donít mind continuing for a
while until he is in a better place for it.
God knows this is the last time I can offer him that.
My milk is starting to go away because of the hormonal shifts from the
big M, so I donít imagine it will last much longer.
I recently spent a week trying out Slim Fast again.
What great stuff! I had forgotten how delicious and filling it is with some
very slight modifications! I had
Slim Fast for breakfast (the blender stuff, not the nasty canned stuff), a Meal
on the Go bar for lunch (nasty), two snacks and a nice dinner. I wasnít hungry even once.
At first, I thought that the morning shake (I was using the Chocolate
Royale powder) was kind of blah, but I found that if I added about a half cup of
crushed ice to the blender, plus maybe a cup or so of Dryers French vanilla ice
cream and it is absolutely YUMMY! The
Meal on the Go bar tasted kind of chemically, but I saw that it had about the
same calories as a Snickers bar, so that was a great substitution.
For my snacks, I had fruit. For
dinner, I usually had chicken or a sandwich with some veggies.
I have been drinking only about 64 ounces of water a day and while that
isnít as much as I should be drinking (110 oz, so just over half), itís
better than the no water I used to drink. I
have a tiny dinner now instead of it being the biggest meal of the day and I
never, ever eat after 6pm (even Mogwiís can eat until midnight!).
All of these changes (OK, I was kidding about the ice cream and the
Snickers) fit nicely into my life after the initial adjustment period and I
consider them very positive. I got tired of the (real) Slim Fast after Day 3 and just went
back to careful eating. Iím still
solidly locked in at 226. I gain
2-3, then lose it, then lose 2-3 and gain it.
I know Iím not going to make any significant change until I can get
better exercise into my life and thatís the next change Iím loving in there
so it will stick, rather than inflicting it on myself. Iím in California, so itís now time that I can start
walking if Eric can shake off the sleep early enough.
I miss listening to Christiane Northrup and Dr Phil as I walk.
If I have to, Iíll resort to treadmill, but Iíd prefer to take the
opportunity to get out of the house and get some air.
In lieu of that, the body flexing, like the Stacker 2, is something that
really, really works and takes little time, so I can work on that as well.
I started out this column by saying that this wasnít
the right time for me to get aggressive about the weight loss.
That doesnít mean Iím not going to be eating carefully and courting
the exercise, but merely that Iím not making it a primary focus.
Iíve gotten some good info about Weight Watchers from our GH mailing
group and a friend is sending me the info.
I canít get to the meetings with Ericís schedule the way it is right
now, but Iím definitely interested in what they have to say because I know a
lot of people who are having great luck with the points program.
Iím willing to give it a try, but Iím going to have
to find some way to work more wonderfulness into my life on a personal level to
make the weight loss work.
My friend, Georgia, who just successfully completed her
weight loss goals, recently commented that you canít lose the weight if that
is your focus. You have to make
self-confidence your focus and work outwards from there.
Then the weight comes off because you want to take better care of
yourself. Iím not quite there
yet, but Iím determined to ďfirst do no harmĒ and not do any further
damage until I am there. Additionally,
while Iím working on the self-confidence part, I will be integrating more
positive changes into my life, gently, a few at a time.
By the time Iím ready to go full force on it, a lot of the needed
changes will already be worked in as a comfortable routine and Iíll just need
to up the octane a bit.
The changes you love into your life last forever!
January 8, 2002
Itís great to be back home again.
The trip to LA was rushed, but overall, quite fun.
It had its ups and downs, but there was definitely more bad than good.
I learned some very valuable things about my Fatastic Journey and came
home with a renewed determination to put them to use.
Walking all over Disneyland definitely showed how my
weight is slowing me down. I felt a
little cumbersome at times and just feeling the beginning of
movement restriction due to my weight was plenty to get me moving
(metaphorically) on bidding it good-bye once and for all.
Another issue that was brought to the forefront is the pain that I have
been having straight up into the heel portion of the bottom of my foot,
primarily on the left side, but sometimes on the right as well.
It has been bothering me for about a year so that when I get up from
sitting or sleeping, I have to hobble, and has been a problem the last couple of
times that Iíve done my aerobic walking, not at the time, but a few hours
afterwards. When I got up the day
after Disneyland, it was the worst itís ever been and I almost couldnít
walk. I donít know if itís
weight or age related or both or neither, but I do know that I wonít be able
to walk or run for exercise, so Iím limited to my yoga and body flexing. I plan to wait on that anyway until I hit a plateau with the
Yesterday, my first full day back from vacation, was the
beginning of all this anew. I felt
reborn and ready to get back to work on what really matters.
First and most immediately rewarding was Operation House Scour which,
like the weight loss, is a process. Over
this week, I am determined to get my house
funk free and clean. Iím
not going to do it all in a day or two like I normally would, but instead Iím
spreading it out over a week so as not to get burned out.
I friend of mine mentioned a program with a checklist and index cards to
remind her of daily chores to be done, as well as long term and big projects and
I thought I was ingenious, so I may be using that.
The other renewed vigor is of course, for the Fatastic
Journey. With all of the wonderful
tools I have available, I have no more excuses for not succeeding, so whatís
left is, well, succeeding. The
timing is perfect: the beginning of
the agricultural year when we do all of the planning for the coming year and I
plan to be totally finished before or at harvest in August-September.
After going back off of the Stacker 2ís, I am starting at my old friend
and set point, 226. Iíd love to measure since my loss was also in inches last
time right away, but my tape measure seems to have disappeared, probably used to
tie a doorknob or bed post or some other threatening object in a kidsí room
somewhere. Maybe Iíll find it
during Operation House Scour.
I think this is the first time in my year of the
Fatastic Journey that I have actually felt the click and known I was ďin the
zone.Ē Iím definitely ready
this time. My plan is to take the
Stacker 2 once a day, in the morning, with a big breakfast, healthy snack
midmorning, medium sized lunch, healthy snack mid-day, tiny dinner and nothing
at all to eat after 6pm. Iím not
drinking any sodaís during the week, only weak iced tea and water, and if I
have any soda at all during the weekend, it will be diet.
Yesterday, I did an Ultimate Cleanse (GNC herbal supplement that
purifies) and got all cleaned out, so I feel ready to rock.
I have noticed that my pants are my biggest indicator
for inches lost, so I plan to wear skirts and such all through the week, then
try pants on the weekend to mark my progress.
So thatís the plan and I will keep you posted as it unfolds. Thanks for walking with me on the path!
January 3, 2001
Boy, these things have taught me SO much! First, they still make me feel like I've eaten a big meal all day long. I'm full and feel like if I eat more, I'll get sick. I feel like that all day provided I take one pill in the morning with a good sized breakfast and drink water through the day.
A word of warning: IF you have been getting a good amount of happy from your food, once you stop eating because you aren't hungry any more, you will have a happy deficit. I found myself feeling very emotional at times simply because I wasn't having the joy of eating. Be sure and find other fun things for yourself and nurture your spirit or you're doomed.
At the end of week #1, I had lost 4 pounds and a dress size. These things not only curb your appetite, but burn fat in the right places. For week #2, Eric was home and we went out to eat a few times, so I found myself eating over the Stacker results and I felt queasy. I also did not lose any weight. During the first week, I ate in a very balanced way, small portions and nothing after 6pm. Week #3, I stopped taking the pills so that I could stress eat! How screwed up is that? My only liquid was soda and I ate like a fiend because we were under megastress. I gained back the four pounds, plus four more. I know it's mostly fluid retention, so I'm drinking water like mad today and I'm back with the program and no longer being ignorant about it. Vacation starting tomorrow or not, I'm going to stay with eating well and taking the Stacker. These things work!!
December 18, 2001
Today is day two of the official Stacker 2 attempt.
I had a little trouble getting to sleep last night and whether it was the
Stackers or just everything that was going through my head with Christmas
planning and bill management and other unpleasantness (unpleasant because yet
again, Iím having to work on a shoestring).
Just to be sure, I only took one today instead of two.
The dosage is one at breakfast with your food and one at lunch with your
food. Yesterday was the only day so
far that I actually took two and I think that for me, it was totally
unnecessary. Iíve always been a
pretty cheap date where drugs and alcohol are concerned.
Today was good again.
Iím really sick with a cold, which would normally mean that I would be
comfort eating (plus Iím on my period). My
eating was very much under control and still is, even though I took it early
this morning, around 6am. I had a
good grain cereal with a bit of sugar for breakfast.
Lunch was a nice whole grain bread with 4 thin slices of low fat ham and
I havenít had any dinner yet. Iím
still deciding what would taste good and Iím not particularly hungry.
I just went into the kitchen to prowl, but I couldnít find anything
that looked intriguing. I even
looked right at a canister of homemade (perfectly made) chocolate chip cookies
and didnít even feel a spark of interest.
As I said, this stuff totally eliminates my emotional attachment to food.
I never would have thought that could happen and Iím not even sure I
would have wanted to have it happen before I felt it.
Food was a way I nurtured, rewarded, comforted and entertained myself
before and since I started taking these, despite many things that have happened
that would have made me want to eat, I havenít felt a need to do that.
I have to remind myself to eat enough to not drop down my metabolism.
I would not have thought Iíd want to lose that source of joy, but Iím
finding now that I donít really miss it and I love the results that I feel I
will get. Another reward is that
since Iím not eating very much, when I do eat, it has that vibrant, alive,
full taste food has after youíve come off of a fast.
Iím really craving fruits, but that will have to wait until Friday for
payday (or Thursday for bad check day). Since
this is Tuesday, thatís not so bad.
Iíve also been doing my body-flexing daily and I can feel myself getting back into the groove with it. Today will be a challenge with my cold, but I am very determined! This is the first time in forever that I have felt like I could really give it a chance this time.
December 17, 2001
Today begins again the Fatastic Journey that has been
derailed for a while. I have been
reading a book called Forever Thin that interviews people who successfully took
off large amounts of weight and kept it off.
Although the methods of losing the weight vary from pills to liquid diets
to die hard will power and determination, there were two common denominators
that ran through their stories. One
was that they all drank water to excess. The other is that they all said that they had to hit a
critical point where it was just ďtime,Ē then they clicked into a ďzoneĒ
and the weight loss began. They had
nearly all had unsuccessful attempts, from a few to many, prior to that time,
but once they were successful at losing it and keeping it off, they felt a sense
that it was ďtime.Ē I will be
honest and say that Iím not necessarily feeling it now, but that isnít going
to keep me from trying. Perhaps
once I get going, it will click in. I
am drinking the water, I have started carefully monitoring what I eat and Iím
using a supplement that my friend, Georgia, told me about, Stacker 2.
Iíd never heard of them before and was trying out Xtreme Trim from
Vitamin World at the time. She
swore by these things and both are ephedra based.
My friend, Trish, has lost about 20 pounds in a couple of months on
Xtreme Trim, but they didnít work out for me.
I tried them a couple of times and I got really speedy and not in that
good way where you are dusting the tops of the door jams, but in that icky way
where you canít put your teeth together right.
I had lunch with Georgia on Thursday and she gave me a
couple of the Stackers to try. I
took one with dinner and didnít think much more about it. That night, while I was eating dinner, I realized that I was
eating out of habit. I wasnít
really hungry. I took the second
one on Friday with lunch and wasnít hungry again until around noon the next
day. That convinced me that I was
going to take back the Xtreme Trim and get a bottle of Stacker 2ís, which I
I was talking to my pal, Karen about them and she said
she had seen their advertising on ESPN or somewhere and that it was blatantly
offensive with people making fun of fat people and being really nasty and
derisive. I felt really bummed to
hear that and had to consider whether or not to follow through since I agreed
with her that it wasnít great to fork over money to a company that was so
negative and evil. I decided to
push aside ethics for the time being and get the pills, but it was after a lot
of deliberation. I told Karen that
the way they made me feel, I would have bought them if they were made by
four-year-olds in Indonesia out of my motherís blood, considering the way they
made me feel, but in reality, I did give what she told me careful consideration.
I am one of the fortunate wives who does not even have ESPN programmed
into the cable box, so I missed their ads.
If Iíd actually had to watch them, I may well have chosen different.
For now, Iím having to limit my decision to being based on me and what
helps me most.
This morning, I took my first Stacker since Friday.
I was just starting today to get an appetite again, so Iím glad I had
one to take. Yesterday was
particularly interesting for me because I didnít eat in the morning, went out
to lunch with Eric and had fajitas (yum), but was full after eating just three.
I was able to feel a very distinct click over when I was full and just
knew it was enough. After the
movie, we went to the movies (Oceanís Eleven was great) and I felt no desire
for candy of popcorn, which is heretofore unprecedented.
I had no dinner last night because I wasnít hungry.
What I appreciate most about the Stackers is that it
give me a fill button, which I didnít have before and it also removes the
emotional attachment to food, which is odd for me.
Iíve never in my life not had that before. Last night, Eric had some ice cream and Iíd just made
chocolate chip cookies and Rice Krispie treats to start my Christmas cooking for
the year and I went to eat some and immediately recognized that I was eating
them for the taste and out of habit. I
was actually quite full, almost to the point that if I had eaten, I would have
felt a little yucky. It was very
easy to not eat the sweets because of that.
I am very hopeful that this edge will help a lot this time.
I still do need to exercise, for which I have a history
of having no discipline. Iím
working on that one. For now, my
goal is to remember to eat enough to have a balanced diet, stay on low fat, high
protein and low/no refined carbs, whole foods and a multivitamin, remembering to
stay with the high fiber fruits and veggies so that the high protein doesnít
keep things from moving through as they should.
I feel confident about navigating the holiday foods.
In fact, I feel totally confident about the eating and calories.
The Stackers also have a good dose of chromium picolinate, which is great
for stabilizing the blood sugar and insulin levels.
I just feel good; very much in control, very sated and very healthily
energetic. I donít have any
problems sleeping at night, which is a good thing.
Iíll keep you posted and let you know if this seems to
be the winning ticket.
Hang in there,
December 11, 2001
Karen, without meaning to (or perhaps fully meaning to),
gave me a kick in the butt about the Fatastic Journal, which I have been
ignoring blithely. The main reason,
of course, is the abysmal failure of the Fatastic Journey, which is still fat
and not really going anywhere (but Iím sure you all figured that out).
I canít seem to find an exact date, but I know itís been just shy of
a year since I started the Fatastic Journal and I still weigh what I did when I
Iíve been up and Iíve been down, but I always seem to come right back
to it. Iíve tried any number of things and still do.
I still canít seem to find the right key, the right motivation to get
in there and make it happen. Intellectually,
I know what I need to do. I have to
drink the water, cut back on the calories and exercise every day.
Itís plain and simple math. Inside,
there is some overwhelming default that makes me resort to comfort eating when
the going gets tough. The going has
been pretty tough this year and Iím lucky to still be stabilized at the same
weight rather than weighing even more.
I still do want to be a healthy weight for all the
reasons I did before. None of that
has changed. Iím not naÔve
enough to think that some miracle is going to come along to do the work for me.
I like to walk for exercise, whether itís on a treadmill or outside.
I love to put someone I love and respect on the walkman like Dr Phil or
Christiane Northrup and take a walk with them, having that time to myself.
I feel better, I sleep better and I look better, but somehow, that never
seems to happen. I really do believe that itís not a lack of desire to do
it, but more the result of the habit I have of pushing aside the things that I
want in favor of the things or actions I perceive the family to need or want.
I do still feel that itís going to happen, I just donít know when.
I try every day to do something positive toward my
health. Today, I did my Body
Flexing, for instance. Yesterday,
I was careful of what I ate. The
day before, I drank the water. I
keep telling myself that if I can work in one thing a day, I can eventually work
in two things a day, then get to all three things.
I will definitely do my Body Flexing again tomorrow.
There is no excuse for me not to make an effort to work in something that
only takes about 15 minutes and is so effective.
I still completely believe it its value.
In fact, the other day, I was walking fast on the treadmill and even
though I could feel my body being pushed as far as it was willing to go, I was
bummed that I wasnít sweating. I
took a few deep Body Flexing breaths and soon I was sweating like mad and my
heart rate was up. It felt really,
really good and I could feel the effectiveness of the work out go up
tremendously. The repetitious
tightening of the muscle groups is so effective at getting them into shape and
the heavy oxygen intake is great for burning the fat. Also, when I was at my favorite thrift shop last week, I
found the entire system, the two videos and the motivational cassette, together
for $2.99 (and you know I had a 25% off coupon because I ALWAYS do).
I took that to be a sign to get up off my fat ass and start flexing
again. I havenít watched the
videos yet because I was forced to donate my VCR to the kids, but I will soon
and in the meantime, Iím flexing! Iíll
never forget the feeling I had when I first started it many months ago and lost
10 inches off my butt in the first week and about 3 inches off the rest of my
body! Itís really amazing that the combination of stretching,
tightening and deep breathing will do! I
also feel wonderful after I do it. I
intend to do it again before I shower and go to bed tonight.
Itís 10:30, so if I ever manage to get into chat with an AT&T Broadband customer service
person (Iím #40, woo hooo!), then Iím into that and off to bed.
My friend, Trish, has lost almost 20 pounds in a month
from this stuff called Xtreme Trim from Vitamin World. It makes her feel great and the weight is falling off.
Of course, I got some and tried it last week, only to find that it did
nothing for me. I tried it again
today and was speeding like mad. Itís
ephedra based and I guess I must be one of the people who gets strokes off of it
or something because I was buzzing like mad.
It wasnít one of those good buzzes where you clean your whole house and
dust behind the fridge and clean the top of your door jams.
It was one of those buzzes where you canít put your teeth together,
your hands are shaking and you exhale a lot.
Not what I want to do (but admittedly, I wasnít very hungry).
I doubt Iíll try it again and will revert back to the old fashioned
So I just wanted to bring everyone up to date and say
that Iím going to try again to keep the fatastic journal current and court the
idea of weight loss for health and beauty again.
I apologize for leaving all of you hanging (as if you were dying to hear
how fat Katrina still is), but there just really wasnít much to report and it
was dismal to talk about continued failure.
Still love you guys and I hope youíve had better luck