1. NAME: Lila Quartermaine

2. AGE: 106, but I tell people I’m 88.

3. HAIR COLOR: White

4. EYE COLOR: Blue

5. NICKNAME: Wheels, Grammy, The Rose of Kent

6. FAVORITE ACTOR: I do so enjoy that young Brad Pitt fellow.  He’s just lovely to look at.


8. FAVORITE MOVIE: The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance

9. FAVORITE MAGAZINE: I love the tabloids.  What can I say?  It’s most refreshing to read that other people have the same problems as my own family.  The Star, National Enquirer, I read them all.  I do keep them secreted in my room (only Reggie knows I have them) because it could be perceived as unseemly.

10. FAVORITE BOOK: Since I was a little girl my favorite book has been “A Child’s Garden of Verses” by Robert Louis Stevenson.  I also enjoy anything by Anne Rivers Siddon.

11. FAVORITE TV SHOW: I love Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.  I know most of the answers to the questions and it’s such a joy to see the people get so excited when they win!  (Some days I think it should be called “Who Would WANT to be a Millionaire.”  I loved the show “Knight Rider” and I’m deeply saddened that they took it off the air.  Ridiculous corporate bastards.

12. FAVORITE PART OF THE MALE ANATOMY:  I love a tight little bottom.

13. FAVORITE BAND/SINGER: I love piano and could listen to Richard Clayderman for hours.

14. FAVORITE SONG: “Rhapsody On a Theme By Paganini” by Rachmoninov

15. WHAT IS THE STRANGEST THING YOU HAVE EVER EATEN?  Our first cook tried to make English scones once and the result was absolutely atrocious.  Something went terribly wrong and they tasted like some kind of crap filled dog biscuit.  It was particularly difficult to be gracious after such a valiant effort, but I did encourage him not to give it another try.  Blech.

16:  FAVORITE FOOD: Super large, perfectly ripened strawberries dipped in white chocolate.  Absolutely decadent. 

17. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TOLD YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE FAMOUS? Yes, in fact.  My hair was originally a dark brown colour and when I was young, I once bleached it out a lovely blonde and went to Paris.  A young man there was convinced that I was one of the Gabor sisters and, well, I didn’t bother to correct his mistake.  We had just a lovely week.

18. HABITS (BAD OR OTHERWISE): I never, ever want to be predictable, even for a moment.  The second that you are predictable, people around you become bored and restless.  I always try to think the best of everyone and presume their innocence.  I suppose that is a habit that has set me up for disappointment on a few occasions.


20. FAVORITE PLACE TO BE KISSED? Under a tree that is absolute rife with apple blossoms.  A strong wind comes up during the kiss and the pungent blooms swell all around us in a cascade of fragrant tree snow.

21. MOST EMBARASSING MOMENT:  When my first husband showed up and proved that our divorce was never final, so Edward and I were not legally married.  I could have killed him with my own hands (or poker).


23. FAVORITE SAYING: “You draw more flies with honey than piss or vinegar.”

24. MOST MEMORABLE EXPERIENCE: My whole life has been one, great, memorable experience.  To choose one would cheapen each and every other moment I have lived.

25. WHAT SCARES YOU? Snakes.  I ran into one harmless little garden fellow in my roses about two years ago and this wheel chair went into overdrive faster than any SUV on the market.  I know I should be gracious about sharing my beautiful gardens with all of God’s creatures, but I just can’t tolerate the little beggars.

26. PET PEEVE(S): Ha!  Do snakes in my garden count?  I’d have to say pettiness really pushes my feathers backward.

27.  BIGGEST CRIME YOU EVER COMMITTED:  Murder in self-defense.

28.  DID YOU GET CAUGHT?  I confessed, but it was not brought up to the authorities

29:  STONES OR BEATLES?  Beatles.

30  :  ASTROLOGICAL SIGN:  Capricorn

31:  WHAT WOULD YOUR FRIENDS BE MOST SURPRISED TO KNOW ABOUT YOU?  Oh, I think about all of my secrets have been exposed one way or another.  I suppose that one of the reasons I can tolerate living around all of the shouting is that I have a small boom box under my robe and discreet earphones to block out the sound.

32:  LEAST FAVORITE PC CITIZEN:  Felicia Scorpio Jones and Luke Spencer.  I have done my best to overcome my anger over their violation of my privacy and I just can’t make it.  I’m still very, very angry about that.