I knew it was too good to be true. Just when things were beginning to look better in Pine Valley, they bring on the whiners, naggers and losers. I almost don’t know where to begin.

How about with the Princess, Gillian (whiner)? Let me see if I understand her way of thinking: she went to Jake’s to dump him, but read a love letter he wrote to her (but never sent) and was unable to complete the act (of dumping him). When she sees Jake she’s overcome with emotion and they begin to make love. While it’s never clear why Gillian forsakes her plan (I assume it was Jake’s letter), we are still subjected to Jake testing his "mojo" with his wife. Sadly (for them), they were unable to complete the act (of, well you know).

Meanwhile back at the turret, Ryan (loser) is waiting to be reunited with his ladylove. Unfortunately, a phone call from Gillian put the kibosh on his plans. She apologized profusely, professed her true love, and said she couldn’t meet him. Upset, Ryan books it to SOS.

The morning after, Jake finally "performs" . . . his first selfless act in their marriage. He sets Gillian free, because he’s lost his "mojo" and feels like Gillian can’t be in a sexless marriage and shouldn’t have to. He basically tells her he knows about her and Ryan and gives his blessing for them to be together. Terrific, problem solved.

But when Gillian reunites with Ryan, she tells him she didn’t tell Jake. Suddenly, Ryan is a genius and medical expert and realizes that the Martins attempted to make love but Jake was unable to perform. Ryan says he can’t live without Gillian and refused to do so, giving her the impression it’s the beginning of the end between them if she doesn’t end her marriage. I say the sooner the better if this crap is going to continue. I realize they have to keep the story moving along, but give me a break. Gillian feels sorry for Jake or at the very least obligated to stay with him, because he helped her with her medical condition. This story is getting as lame as Jake (get it?) and needs to move on.

Now you know I am a Bianca fan (with or without the lesbian story), but I can no longer condone this whiner’s behavior. I’ll be so glad when Erica finally tells Bianca how lucky she is and to start appreciating her good fortune. But Erica (nagger) is no saint in this situation. I’m beginning to feel smothered by her too. Bianca thinks she’s got it made and she’ll join the work force and drop out of high school. Where did all this self-confidence come from all of a sudden? If she would just take a minute to realize her position (as Ms. Kane’s daughter) and potential to run the teen scene (if there was one) in Pine Valley, she’d be sitting pretty, living high on the hog (maybe even eating the hog). I did enjoy Liza’s not-so-subtle suggestion that Bianca apply for a job at the Burger Barn as a high school diploma may not be required there. Good one, Liza.

I really dig Leo. Boy has this character evolved. He’s so great with Bianca and Erica, realizing which side his bread is buttered on (Erica’s) he promises to obey her rules. He’s becoming very resourceful and quite the knight in shining armor. When Erica kicks Greenlee out (again) and admits that she knew Greens was living in the laundry room, Erica proved to be less oblivious than we (the kids and I) thought. (This is a relief, because I’m tired of seeing dumb parents on ABC soaps (i.e., Alan & Monica on GH, and Vicky on OLTL.)

Leo comes up with a plan to keep Greens in PV and financially supported by Woody. His plan is a success and the two declare their true friendship and make passionate love in the seedy Pine Cone Motel. After basking in the afterglow, Leo leaves to get Greens some grub. Thinking the knock at the door is Leo, Greenlee is horrified to see Wade Randall (I wondered if we’d seen the last of him?) front and center.

Wade threatens Leo’s life and insists that Greenlee kick him to the curb. She does her best, but Leo refuses to believe that she’s sincere. Wade then demands a passport and $1 million bucks to help him leave the country. (Um, excuse me, Wade? I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job, but only $1 million? What about the $3 million she owes you?) The pained expression on Greenlee’s face as she tried to dump Leo was heart wrenching. Poor Leo! Poor Greens!

Greenlee comes up with the master plan to nab Ryan’s passport for Wade. Leo confronts her at Ryan’s loft. Again, she attempts to end their relationship and he senses her fear. Leo pulls her into his arms and asks if she’s hiding something. Just as she confirms his suspicion, a shot rings out and Leo falls to the floor. This story continues to thrive, but I’m worried that it may go too far and become hokey.

Brooke (whiner) and Eliot (loser) win temporary custody of Ricky. Although Hank loses custody, he wins important info on Eliot AKA Josh or Jeliot. He dashes over to Brooke’s house to spread the news. Before he spills the beans, Jeliot shows up, they engage in fisticuffs and Jeliot confesses all to a stunned Brooke. I guess it would be too easy for Jeliot to say "bygones" and leave town. I was against this story from the beginning and really don’t care to see how it plays out. The only good thing about this story is watching Edmund, the Prince of Darkness, put aside his own rage to help Brooke deal with hers.

I like the slow building of Edmund’s rage and his increasing difficulty to hide it. This story is sure to blow up soon and I’m looking forward to it, even though I read an article saying John Callahan is weary of his current story. I say quit your bitching and enjoy this, it’s better than playing the love triangle. Either that or get your wife to realize that comedy is not where her strengths are and bring her back to Pine Valley pronto. Enough said.

Sorry if I sound like Mrs. Bitterman, but I was disappointed with last week’s developments. Where in the heck are Stuart and Marian? Palmer? David? Any thoughts or comments you’d like to share with me are welcome. Have a fabulous week!

Stephanie